Remembering You
by raindropcatcher
Summary: When Anne and Gilbert return home after their fateful 2nd year in Redmond College, misfortune will strike and steal Gil's memory. How will this incident influence their relationship? Can one truly forget to love somebody?
1. Chapter 1

**Remembering You**

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Chapter 1

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_**Of all pains, the greatest pain,**_

_**Is to love, and to love in vain.**_

_George Granville_

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Through woods and meadows he dashed, leaving nothing behind but the thundering sound Max's hooves caused on the earthy ground.

He hadn't intended to leave anything else behind him anyhow. He wanted nothing but to vanish and forget. He just wanted to be faster than this pain inside of him and finally get rid of it. If only the wind would steal all his aching feelings and memories and desires.

_If only._

Gilbert wished there was a way out of this trap. But how could he escape a trap sitting inside of himself? In the middle of his heart. Should he just tear it out and rip it in pieces?

He _would_, if Anne Shirley wouldn't have already finished this task in sublime execution. She certainly knew how to not leave one single piece of his heart unharmed. Moreover she achieved to shatter it in squillions tiny shreds to make sure he would never compose it again.

_This _wound would bleed inside of him eternally.

Harshly he clacked the reins once more as a furious tear escaped his hazel eyes. _Maybe_, if he only tried hard enough he could outpace his pain. Maybe there _was_ a way he could win this race against his heart.

_Maybe? _Whom was he fooling?

Gilbert Blythe certainly hadn't cried many times in his twenty-three years on this world.

He had still been a little boy when he wept in his father's arms after his so dear and warm grandmother had passed away.

For the first time in his life learning what it meant to lose someone you love.

He had shed angry and forlorn tears when his only four year old horse became fatally ill and the doctor had to shoot it to end its pain. It had been his very first own pony.

It was then that Gilbert had learned that life sometimes simply didn't make sense at all. That it wasn't as fair as he used to think. This so dearly loved animal, his best friend, had been far too young for something as irreversible as death. It should have jumped over bushes and streams, not over clouds unreachable far away in heaven.

And now, more than ten years later, Gilbert was forced to understand what it meant to love someone so much that he lost himself the very second he had lost her.

He wished he could simply hate her. He wished he could simply forget Anne Shirley.

But she wouldn't let him do so. Her image appeared in his mind over and over again. The more he tried to fight against it, the more vivid became it inside of him.

Her sparkling green eyes, golden sprinkles dancing inside of them.

How beautiful she had looked today in church. Far more beautiful than anyone should be allowed to.

Her sea-green dress underlined every single curve of her oh so well-shaped body. Its colour letting her auburn hair shine in hundreds shades of red. One lovelier than the other.

The sun had seemed to find pleasure in tormenting his soul as it illuminated every single freckle on her fair skin.

Shouldn't church be a place of peace? Where one should find his ease of mind?

Instead all Gilbert _had_ found was the painful realization that this wouldn't end just because he wanted to. This wasn't something he could achieve as he did with the Queens medal. This was something he was completely at the mercy of.

He was at the mercy of love. _No_, he was at the mercy of one _Anne Shirley._

Had he _planned_ to fall in love? Certainly not.

Which fourteen year old body dreamed of falling in love and finding their soul mates and spending the rest of their lives together?

Fourteen year old boys wanted to run barefoot through the meadows, searching rain worms to use them later as bait when they went fishing and lost track of time.

That's just what fourteen year old boys were supposed to do.

But Anne Shirley had to enter his life and suddenly _she _was the protagonist of his story instead of him. Suddenly it was _her_ who decided when Gilbert should be happy and when deeply grieved.

Why did he have to tease her anyway? Why couldn't he have kept his mouth closed just this one single time? Then she wouldn't have broken that slate over his head. Then he wouldn't have fallen in love with her in a blink of an eye, before he could even process what was happening.

Then he wouldn't have proposed to her mere weeks ago and she wouldn't have shattered his heart and dreams.

Then nothing of all this would have happened.

Then he would just be Gilbert Blythe, keeper of his own life.

Not Gilbert Blythe, fading shadow of Anne Shirley's memory.

Oh _how_ he wished some curtain would exist. Some curtain behind which his world would be whole again. And make sense. And be free of this aching pain.

Gilbert shook his head and wiped the defiant tear away with the back of his hand.

He had been_ so_ sure.

No, that's not even true. _He_ hadn't been sure at all. He knew his Anne. Maybe even better than she knew herself. He knew how complicated and tortuous she could be.

But his heart, yes his heart hadn't left one single doubt. Why should he love someone so deeply who wouldn't be meant for him? What sense would that make?

And why would she blush under his gaze and shyly look away time after time, if he was nothing but a _friend t_o her? And why would he have dreamed of her so many nights? Of her and how it would feel to kiss those tempting rosy lips?

His heart had been sure. _Sureness had been its death._

He had to get a hold of himself. Certainly one could live quite comfortable without a heart!

All he needed was time. And as much distance between them as he could get. And both he _would_ get. In only two days he would leave Avonlea to commence his work for the Daily News Office. That would keep his mind off her for certain.

Gilbert felt a knot in his stomach. He remembered how he used to imagine their farewell as betrothed… How she wouldn't want him to leave… How he would kiss her one last time…

The thought of leaving her tortured him.

But he _had _to.

He had done everything he could within his power… and now he had to let go of Anne Shirley.

He had to forget her or his heart would never mend.

Suddenly Max let out a loud terrified neigh and reared up. Gilbert lost hold of his alarmed horse and fell.

_The last thing he perceived_ was a light brown spot out of the corner of his eyes - dashing by.

_The last thing he felt_ was a stinging pain in back and head.

_The last thing he thought_ was 'Anne'.

**Then the world around him went black.**

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**AN:** There it is - The beginning of a new story. I hope you will follow Anne and Gil along their way and cobble it with inspiring reviews, dear readers :)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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_**It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare,**_

_**It is because we do not dare that they are difficult.**_

_Lucius Annaeus Seneca_

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„Will you ever tell me what happened, Anne?"

During their whole walk Diana had played along with Anne's trivial rambling, pretending not to notice her attempts to avoid one certain topic. But now that they were on their way home she couldn't take this game any longer and wanted to use this moment of being all by themselves.

"Di…" Anne looked uneasily down at the ground, feeling how the sensations she had tried so hard to supress, were swimming to the surface of her soul. "This really isn't something I wish to speak about. You have to understand that…" Pleadingly she looked at her bosom friend. If anybody would understand her, it had to be Diana.

"Yes, I do understand, Anne." The ravenblack-haired woman chose her words carefully. "That's why I didn't approach this subject ever since you arrived. But… you have to understand me too, Anne. You're my best friend. Knowing that something as overthrowing as a proposal from your friend happened, but not being allowed to ask anything about it – do you know how hard that is for me? Wouldn't you want to know if something as important as this would happen to me? How would you have felt if I wouldn't have told you about Fred?"

Anne searched for something to object, but didn't find anything. Diana was right. It was not fair towards her companion to shut her out of her life.

"You're right, dear Diana," she reached out and took her by the hand. "But… once I told you everything I can tell you, will you promise me to forget all of this and not ever approach that matter again?"

"I cannot promise to forget it, Anne. Just as little as _you_ can. But I will promise not to mention it again until you tell me to."

Anne nodded, deciding she had to be content with this answer. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, determined this tale wouldn't get through her this time.

"It was our last week… As you already know. I was just sitting on the bench outside Miss Patty's place. I was too lost in my thoughts to see him coming. Maybe if I wouldn't have been… Maybe I would have been able to escape inside. I had always managed to avoid him somehow the preceding weeks…"

Anne let out a bitter chuckle and tried to swallow the upcoming lump in her throat.

"But then he just stood there… carrying Mayflowers in his hands. And I think I already knew then."

She dropped her gaze as the image of Gilbert standing with those white flowers in front of her rushed through her mind, leaving a stinging cut on her heart.

"I tried_ so_ hard to distract him, Diana. I wanted to prevent what was about to happen! But he wouldn't let me do so. You know how determined he can be…" A sad smile appeared on her face.

"He gave me the flowers and… I tried to leave and get Phil, but he stopped me by holding my wrist. Before I could discourage him once more, he told me that… that… h-he loves me."

Diana looked with caring eyes at her friend, having the desire to embrace her in a consoling hug. But she wanted Anne to finish her tale.

"And then he wanted me… t-to promise… that…", Anne's cheeks burned by the bare thought of his words. "S-someday I would become his… wife."

"What did you answer him?" Diana whispered.

"That I can't! That I don't love him that way! That he is nothing but a dear friend to me!"

A whimper escaped her lips at the same time as the first tears did form her eyes. "And that he should never speak of that again…"

"And he?" Diana pressed forward.

Anne wiped the tears away with her fingers, "He told me… that my friendship can't satisfy him… That he… wanted… my love. And then he left … and his last words were that he deceived himself into thinking I would care... How can he say such a thing!"

The tears were now streaming down her face.

"Does he really think I don't care?" Her voice grew louder than she had intended to. "How can he doubt my feelings? How can he doubt that I would be by his side whenever he needs a friend! Should I have lied? Is it my fault that I am not in love with him?"

"It is not…" Diana stopped and turned to wrap her best friend up in her arms. Offering her shoulder as a hidden place to cry.

She stroke Anne's back soothingly over and over again, trying to make out what she was thinking about all this herself.

Gilbert had looked so pale and heartbroken in church. His sight had left her wishing she could go over to him and console him as well. Why did this have to happen to her two dearest friends?

"Anne…" After some minutes of silence, Diana dared to speak again, "Are you sure that you feel nothing but friendship for him?"

Startled she lifted her head off Diana's shoulder, looking with red puffy eyes at her, "Diana! How can you even ask such a thing! Of course I am sure! In fact I am very sure that I saved Gilbert from one of the biggest mistakes in his life!"

Diana knit her brow, "How do you mean that?"

"I know Gilbert. He lost himself into something that isn't even true. I know how whole Avonlea was always speaking about him and me and how everyone waited for us to announce our engagement. No wonder he got confused. It's hard to find your own feelings in all this tangle of what other people think they ought to be."

"Are you trying to say you don't believe he loves you?"

"I do believe that he _believes_ he loves me. But someday he will realize his true feelings. And then he will meet some other girl and…"

Anne tried to swallow an upcoming nasty feeling down, and not to notice the knot in her stomach.

"Well… I only hope I won't ever have to speak of this incident again. I just want to forget it."

The girls stopped when they reached Green Gables' front yard.

"Diana…"

"Huh?"

"Do you… do you think that maybe when he returns to college, everything will be alright again? Maybe he will understand that he was never really in love with me and we can go on being good friends?"

Diana gave her a week smile.

No, she thought. No she didn't believe that. It was downright outstanding how Anne persuaded herself into thinking Gilbert Blythe didn't love her truly. Because he _did_, and always had. Ever since the day of their fateful meeting. Long _before_ they finally became friends, and long _before_ anyone in Avonlea would have ever gotten the 'ridiculous' idea of those two finding together.

"Who knows…" She eventually answered. Not wanting to hurt her even more than Anne already was, but not willing to lie to her best friend nevertheless.

Anne returned her faint smile hopefully. "Yes…"

"Goodbye my sweet Anne. You don't know _how_ overjoyed I am to finally have you here with me again." She took Anne's hands in hers and swung them lightly. "I missed you _excruciatingly_."

"Even though you have Fred?" Anne raised her eyebrows mockingly.

Her ravenblack-haired friend chuckled, "Yes, of course. I love Fred dearly but he could never replace you. _And_ every advice you have ever given me! There are some things you simply _can't_ discuss with a man." She grinned.

Funny, Anne thought. For she couldn't name one single thing she hadn't been able to talk with Gilbert about…

"I'm glad to hear that, my beloved. I missed you _so _much I started talking to myself, imagining it would be you answering."

They snickered and embraced each other.

"Will we see each other tomorrow then?"

"Yes. I only have some things to purchase for Marilla, afterwards I'm _all yours_, Di."

"Wonderful", Diana giggled and kissed her cheek.

After Diana left, Anne decided to wander around a little bit by herself. She felt still too shaken to encounter one Rachel Lynde. The tale of Gil's proposal had opened a wound she had refused to be even aware of.

Today in church Misses Andrews had been sitting in front of her. The poor fox around her neck appalling Anne during the whole sermon.

A biting remark just as 'the fox condemns the trap' came into her mind and with a wicked smile on her lips she turned around to seek out Gilbert, to see if he had perceived that pure creature himself.

But then – even before her eyes had been able to find him - realization hit her like a knife, and immediately she spun her head around and faced her clenched hands resting on the green dress.

She wasn't any longer _allowed _to look at Gilbert and share secret glances with him.

She was no longer allowed to tell him all those biting remarks sparkling on her tongue. Remarks everyone else would have been in disgust about.

And he wouldn't any longer reply with some bold comment of his own and tease laughter out of her.

_"No…"_

Anne let herself fall backwards into the high grass to hide herself from the world outside, and watched the clouds floating by. Disappearing in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, today realization had hit Anne Shirley like a knife.

**She had lost her best friend.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

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_**Midway upon the journey of our life**_

_**I found myself within a forest dark;**_

_**For the straightforward pathway had been lost.**_

_Dante Alighieri_

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Anne entered Lawson's General, too occupied with her mind to notice the rather tumultuous goings-on in there, or even the stealthy glances one or two were giving her.

She waited near the counter where some man was just about to pay his purchases, and used that time to go mentally through the things she should buy for Marilla. Anne didn't want to risk any vexation only a few days after she'd arrived from Nova Scotia.

"Anne", Alice Lawson's friendly voice ripped her out of her thoughts.

Smilingly she stepped forward and placed her hands on the wooden table, "Good morning, Alice."

The brunette gave her a somewhat peculiar smile, arousing puzzlement in Anne. If she wouldn't have known it better she would have described it as… almost _compassionate_. But she simply must have read too much into it.

"What can I get you, dear?"

"Uh, Marilla needs two pounds of sugar, please. White", she added and couldn't help but chuckle as she remembered her beloved Matthew. "Then some flour and… Ah yes! Brown and red garn and… Oh yes, Misses Lynde would need some fennel tea... I believe that's it."

"Very well", Alice began to bustle around behind the counter, kneeling down, reaching up, and even disappearing into their storage.

Soon all the wanted items were lined up on the table and Anne reached into her purse.

"How much do I owe you, Alice?"

"Um… eighty-five cents, please."

When she reached out the coins to let them fall into her palm, Alice's hand embraced hers, and Anne looked in surprise up to her face.

"How is Gilbert?" Alice whispered without releasing the hand.

Anne's eyes widened in shock.

_Did she know?_

Did she know Gilbert had proposed to her and she had refused him? And would Alice hate her just like everybody else who knew about this, _did_?

Would she hate her for hurting the in whole Avonlea oh so cherished Gilbert Blythe?

And if Alice Lawson knew, then soon _everyone _would know!

Anne felt as if someone would have rammed a knife into her back. Nausea was rising inside her.

She would have never thought that something like _that_ would manage to spread! Who should have told it? Certainly not Gilbert! Why would _he_ tell anyone of this? Well maybe he informed his parents… but neither John Blythe nor Gil's mother would have spread it around!

"G-Gilbert?" She finally stuttered, feeling suddenly very trapped in her tight dress and this small room.

"Did he wake up? I haven't heard anything today yet, so I thought you would certainly kn-"

"Wake up?" Anne interrupted her alarmed.

She felt as if someone would have thrown her into the middle of an ocean, the water around her rising and rising, drowning her into the salty waves.

_Was this some bad dream?_

Confused Alice looked at the girl before her. Should it be possible that Anne Shirley didn't know? _Her of all people_? Finally she let go of her hand and covered her mouth with it instead. What had she just done?

"You- you don't know it?"

"Know what, Alice?" Anne's voice grew louder than she had intended to. Embarrassed she looked around before her eyes returned to the woman in front of her.

"Would you please tell me what you're speaking of?" She hissed anxious.

"I- I don't really know much, Anne. I'm sorry I- I would have never- If I… All I heard was that Gilbert had some accident with his horse. Somehow he must have fallen down and hit badly…"

Anne's mouth opened in disbelief. Gil falling down off his horse?

No.

She must have heard wrong! Gil was the most skilful rider she had ever witnessed! He would never fall down! And Max would never cast him off!

"… ever since he hadn't woken up. B-but- but of course that was yesterday so-so maybe he woke up during the night o-or the morning or-"

Alice's voice drifted into the background of her head. Everything went blur around Anne. Just as if the world around her started spinning too fast while she was frozen to the ground.

Or was she spinning and the world was frozen?

Without even thinking, Anne grabbed her skirt with both her hands and turned around, dashing through the other customers without even paying any attention to them.

Forgotten was Alice Lawson. Forgotten were the things she should have brought to Marilla.

Impatiently she pushed the door open and disappeared outside, leaving a bewildered Alice, her outstanding change, indignant customers, and all her items behind.

"No…" Anne muttered to herself, running as fast as her small feet could carry her towards the Blythe's homestead. She rushed through Avonlea's streets without even perceiving anything of the world surrounding her.

Nothing of the confused people who saw her running by, nothing of the irritated words some passerby exclaimed after being shoved by Anne Shirley.

She needed to see him. She needed to know what happened herself.

Maybe Alice was completely wrong! Maybe some tattletale as Misses Sloane or Misses Andrews had amplified the story just to sound more interesting and get attention. It _was_ in their nature to exaggerate excruciatingly!

Anne closed her eyes and swallowed hard as she felt how a stinging pain aroused in her chest from all the running and lack of air.

Certainly nothing bad had happened. _Certainly_! This was after all Gilbert Blythe! Nothing could ever happen to Gil! Who in heaven's name should get the idea to do _him_ some harm? What destiny, or god, or whatsoever mystical creature!

However childish and nonsensical her thoughts might have been at that moment, for Anne Shirley they were her truth. The only hope she could hold onto.

"Gilbert Blythe…" She hissed quietly too herself, only a few hundreds yard off his home, "You will not dare to leave just like this."

And if she would have to follow him to the netherworld just as Dante did in the 'Divine Comedy'! She would get this boy back! And give him a piece of her mind!

Irritated she wiped a salty tear away with the back of her hand.

Gilbert Blythe wouldn't dare to disappear just like that! Thinking that she didn't care at all!

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**AN**: Christina: Thank you! :)

Dannie Merlot: Your kind words mean a lot to me! Especially coming from such a talented writer as you are!

SailorLeia: I heard from a very reliable source you've been forced by another Club member into reviewing! xD Though I hope your chosen words weren't the result of some blackmailing, because they truly meant the world to me! I wanted to capture their feelings and characters as well as I could! They deserve it! Giving you Senshi-hugs back – it's **so** cold! *shiver* - leaving some prints myself! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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**_If all else perished, and he remained,_**

**_I should still continue to be;_**

**_And if all else remained, and he were annihilated,_**

**_The universe would turn to a mighty stranger._**

_Emily Brontë_

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Anne banged incessantly on the wooden door, not even stopping then when her fists started hurting from all her impatient knocks.

Suddenly the door swung open and startled she let her hands fall down to her sides and stepped back.

"Anne Shirley!" Misses Blythe looked flabbergasted at the girl before her. Observing in puzzlement the heavy rising and falling of her chest as if she would have just sprinted around the world. And even her upset expression didn't remain unnoticed to the woman.

"Child, did something happen?" She asked alarmed at the worrying sight and stepped towards Anne.

"What?" Anne looked dumbfounded at Gilbert's mother. _She _asked _her_ if something was wrong? She felt as if in some twilight zone.

"No!" she exclaimed confused. "I mean yes! No! Gilbert! I-I was just in town a-and Alice Lawson said t-that…" Anne trailed off, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in her skin, intruding just like that. And she must look like a fright too!

Realization rose in Misses Blythe at the stammered words, and a faint smile appeared on her face.

She closed the distance between them and laid one arm comforting on Anne's shoulder.

"Come on in dear, I'm sorry she gave you such a scare. You look all pale."

Gilbert's mother led her into their kitchen, motioning Anne to sit down, whereas she took a glass from one of their cupboards and pumped in some cold water.

"Here, Anne. You should ta-"

"So Gilbert is alright? He_ didn't_ fall off his horse?" She interrupted her and didn't even look at the glass she was holding out to her.

There wasn't any place for water in Anne's body! It was already filled to the bursting point with confusion and anxiety!

"No, that _is _true." The woman finally understood that Anne Shirley didn't need something to drink to feel better but something that would ease her concern. She turned around to put the glass down onto the counter to hide the small smile on her lips.

It was obvious that the girl cared deeply for her son. Sure, there _had_ been times where she had had her doubts if such a feisty girl would be able to make her Gilbert lucky, but now that she saw _how_ worried Anne was… She was sure everything would turn out just well.

Anne clenched her hands impatiently as she waited for her to continue.

"Gilbert took Max out for a ride. Yesterday, right after noon. We don't know what happened. Although John is pretty convinced a young deer must have been close by. He said he found some hoof prints. I don't know, it's nothing I would understand. Whatever the case may be, something must have startled the horse so it reared up. That's the only explanation we can think of. Gilbert hit his head badly. For hours he remained unconscious."

Anne didn't notice as two warm tears were crawling down her cheeks. She was far too occupied with following Misses Blythe's words and all those images of a hurt Gilbert rushing through her mind.

"The doctor came as fast as he could. He said we shouldn't worry too much over the fact that Gilbert didn't wake up. He was straightaway sure that the boy must have a bad concussion after such a plunge. It would do him some good to have time to heal without feeling that headache, he said. I hope he wasn't just consoling us."

Misses Blythe let out a bitter chuckle. Still tired from that long night of taking turns to watch Gilbert's sleep, she took a seat next to Anne's chair.

"I don't understand all those big words doctors tend to use, but as far as I understood he was saying that the only important thing is that Gilbert can still feel and move his limbs, and just that he could determine. How he did this, I don't know, I only hope he's right and my boy will get well soon."

She smiled and laid her warm hand upon Anne's.

"He woke up a few hours ago. We were overjoyed, child. I can tell you that. The scare this boy gave us!"

"How is he now?" Anne rushed to ask.

"Well, now the concussion takes effect. He has a bad headache. He sleeps the most time. I suppose that's only good. The doctor will come by after noon he said."

Anne released a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. He would going to be fine.

_Gilbert would going to be fine._

A relieved smile whooshed over her face.

"I was just about to bring him some tea. I may not know much about all that doctor stuff but I do know that tea always helps."

Anne let out a chuckle at her statement. She was glad Gilbert had such a caring mother. He wouldn't deserve any less.

"That's true, Misses Blythe", she squeezed the hand which was still holding hers and they shared an understanding glance.

Two very different women in age and mind, linked through their affection for Gilbert.

"Would you like to bring it to him?" His mother stood up to pour some steaming herbal tea into a small cup.

She knew it wasn't really proper to offer Anne Shirley a thing such as this, but soon Gilbert would ask her anyway to be his wife. He hadn't told her that, but she understood nevertheless. She was his mother after all. And now after she had witnessed this anxious girl, she couldn't imagine any other outcome as them soon being betrothed.

So the girl could as well start taking care of him today.

The heat rushed to Anne's cheek after realizing the question.

Her setting foot in Gil's bedroom? His _bedroom_?

Was there anything more intimate than someone's bedroom?

Even more so now after everything between them was changed. How should she dare to intrude into his demesne after she rejected him?

But on the other hand… what if this was her last chance? Her last chance to be in one room with him. _Alone_ with him.

His proposal had shattered their friendship in a blink of an eye. She _hadn't _had the possibility to take farewell of Gil…

"Well…" Tense she rose, "I don't know if I could do that. If Gil…bert would be-"

"Nonsense, child", Misses Blythe shoved the cup into Anne's hands. "I am sure my boy won't mind at all. Besides you would do me a great favour too."

"Oh?" Confused Anne looked up from the steaming liquid into his mother's hazel eyes.

_Gil's were darker_… it crossed her mind.

"Yes, I'm still tuckered out from all that staying up and worrying and praying. I could use an hour of sleep before the doctor comes. Now you just go to his room." She placed a hand on Anne's shoulder and gently shoved her towards their hall, trying to hide an unfolding smile on her face.

"His is the last room to the left."

"Uh", Anne turned around to object, but Misses Blythe had already disappeared.

_Well_… She gulped. Now she might as well do it.

She took a deep breath and walk determined towards his door. The trembling cup in her hand wasn't all too convinced of her determination.

Before she could think twice and run away, she pushed the door carefully open with her free hand, risking a glance inside the room.

She couldn't see much. The curtains had been drawn close - she supposed it was because of his concussion. Anne had read once that one should avoid too much brightness in such a case.

On her left side stood his desk on the wall, various books and notes on it, but much more tidy than her own was.

All she saw of his bed was the footboard.

She closed her eyes and gulped before bravely shoving herself inside his room.

It wasn't until she had closed the door behind her, Anne dared to risk a glance… and stopped breathing for some moments.

He was asleep. _Fast_ asleep it seemed. She had never seen him sleeping. How should she have?

Anne took a step forward, feeling suddenly a strange warm sensation inside her heart. Maybe she held the tea cup too close to her body, she mused. She put it down on his nightstand, careful to not cause any sound.

Then she returned her attention back to the figure lying in his bed.

He looked just like a little boy… resembled much more the child who had called her 'Carrots' and saved her from drowning, than the man he had become during their years of friendship.

Anne looked around and was rewarded by the sight of a small chair. As silently as possible she carried it over to his bed and sat down beside his nightstand, as close to his face as possible.

How peaceful he looked. How even… innocent. She wondered what he was just dreaming of that very moment.

His head was slightly tilted towards Anne, one or two dark bangs falling into his forehead. One arm was hidden beneath the white blanket, pressed against his body, while the other hand laid upon the covers as if Gilbert would be afraid someone would dare to steal them away from him.

Anne's elbows rested on her knees while she cupped her face in her palms. Now that she was able to look at him so closely, she realized even more bitterly _how _madly she had missed him during the past weeks.

The way his nose would wrinkle at some teasing remark of her. Anne was sure he wasn't even aware of this. Gil would certainly think only girls did wrinkle their nose. So she didn't dream of telling him this little mannerism.

His lips - now in a firm still line - which used to unfold into a big lopsided grin so many times, whenever she had told him some funny mishap of hers.

And his hazel eyes, now unfortunately hidden from her, how they would always twinkle in his impish boyish way only Gil carried within him, whenever some mischievous phrase had been sparkling on his tongue…

He _was_ handsome, wasn't he? Any girl would have been thrilled about a marriage proposal from Gilbert Blythe. She knew everybody who would know about this would envy her.

But still, she knew this had been the right decision. Gilbert was her friend. He was nothing like the man she had always imagined.

And she could never make him happy. He deserved so much better than _her_…

As if on its own accord, her hand slowly slowly reached out, until it touched his hair.

She shouldn't do this. She would wake him. And he would read something into her movements that wasn't true.

But her hand didn't listen to her mind. It has it own plans and gently brushed soft bangs off Gil's forehead.

Anne froze as his eyes fluttered lightly and he moved his lips.

She waited one second until she thought she was safe and then withdrew her hand. Her heart pounded madly in her chest. _This had been close_. She let out a relieved breath.

That's when Gil wrinkled his nose and his mouth twitched, and without warning he sleepily opened his eyes.

He needed a few seconds to gather himself and understand that he truly _was _awake and no less than Anne Shirley was sitting mere inches away from his bed.

Startled he shot up and grimaced as a piercing pain exploded inside his head.

"AW!" he pressed one hand to the side of his head in attempt to reduce the ache.

"Gil!" alarmed Anne fell down to her knees and shoved the chair back by doing so.

"You are not supposed to move!" Gently she placed her hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his white pillow.

She looked compassionately at him, the pain undeniable visible on his agonized face.

Some minutes of silence passed, where Gilbert tried with narrowed eyes to control this stinging pain inside of him while Anne watched him sorrowful, searching for any signs of recovery on his face. Never removing her hand off his shoulder.

Finally he opened his eyes, looking once again confused at the girl sitting before him.

"Anne…" he whispered in a strained voice.

"Did the pain wear off?" She gave him an uncertain smile.

"What... what are you doing here?" Gilbert realized that this wasn't really a very polite way to start a conversation, but right now he didn't really care about politeness. He was still too befuddled from everything that had happened within those last hours.

Anne froze. Was he angry with her? Was Gilbert furious that she dared to show up after what had occurred between them?

"I-I was worried", she stammered and removed her hand from his body.

"Worried?" He ask puzzled but even with something as… _was it delight?_... inside his voice.

"Yes. Of course." She answered cautiously.

A smile appeared on his tired face. "Then we really are friends now, huh?"

Anne knit her brow. How did he mean that? Did he mock her? No … that wasn't something in Gilbert's nature.

"Well, of course we are." It sounded more like a question than a statement. Just as it felt within her heart. It was after all _him_ who had desired a change in their relationship. Not Anne.

If anything his smile even widened. "I'm sorry Anne, I didn't doubt your words… It's just still so fresh, I guess!" He let out a sheepishly chuckle.

Gilbert certainly confused her in his way of speaking, but Anne was too relieved over the fact that he didn't hold any grudge against her to worry too much about that.

"How are you feeling now, Gil?"

"I felt better", he tried to joke, "But I guess I was lucky."

"You sure were! I was so anxious when I heard from your accident, Gil!"

Heat rushed to Gilbert's cheeks at her words. It was so strange to hear them coming out of Anne Shirley's mouth. But he couldn't deny that it thrilled him.

"Whatever happened to Max? Did they found him? Is he alright?"

"You know about… Max?" He asked bewildered.

"Well of course I do!" She laughed, "It's _you_ who had the concussion, not me, you goose!"

"Oh…" He tried to rack his brain about where she could have got that information from, but decided to let that be when he felt the upcoming pain once again. "F-father found him soon after the accident. He was on his way home."

"Just as bright as his master!" Anne dared to tease, feeling more comfortable around him than she had in a very long time. But thinking of his brightness reminded her of something else.

"But Gil!" She exclaimed and placed her hand on his arm. "You can't leave Avonlea for the Daily News Office now that this happened! You have to promise me that!"

"What?" he looked at her as if some ghost would have been sitting before him. "Only students are allowed to work there. How did this thought ever cross your mind?"

"Huh?", quizzically she tilted her head, "Are you mocking me, Gilbert Blythe?"

"W-what?" he asked alarmed, raising himself slightly. "No! Anne I swear! I would never do such a thing!"

She pushed him back down again, realizing his uneasiness.

"It's alright. I believe you", she tried to soothe him. "Did you maybe forget about your work through all those recent events?"

"B-but Anne! You're confusing me completely! They take only students at the Office, don't they? Why would _I_ work there?"

Anne began to feel as if being trapped in some creepy book. _This_ Gil was slowly starting to scare her.

"Gil. You _are_ a student. We just finished the second year at Redmond."

"W-what are you saying?" He closed his eyes at the upcoming pain.

"You wouldn't mock me, would you Gil?" she warily pressed forward in a whispered voice.

"What!" He opened his eyes, "Of course not, Anne! Not now that we finally are on good terms!"

"Gil…" she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "How… how old are you?"

"Nineteen. Why?" Wondering he looked at her. Wasn't she supposed to know that?

"Oh my…" Anne muttered to herself and dismayed rose up.

"I-I'll be right back, G-Gil", she stammered before fleeing out of his room in shock.

* * *

**AN:** I bet you started worrying if they would even meet at all in my story! It wasn't my intention to keep you in suspense too long. I write as fast as my ideas carry me :)

SailorLeia: Handmade Mako-chan-treasures? How should I ever outbid THAT?! *munch*I have to come up with something BIG! I'm going to send you some secret honeymoon pics of Mamo and Usa *pst* and of course always Senshi-hugs. AND muddy prints! (Do you even have one free spot left? We need to change clothes! ^^)

katherine-with-a-k: I'm very happy to have given you some ideas! I hope soon I can read them in one of your stories! Do I get percents? ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

_**Hope is the thing with feathers**_

_**That perches in the soul**_

_**And sings the tune without the words**_

_**And never stops at all.**_

_Emily Dickinson_

* * *

Anne almost collided with Misses Blythe as she dashed into their kitchen.

"Child!" The woman steadied the upset girl by placing both her hands on her shoulders. "Is something with Gilbert?" She asked alarmed.

"Yes – no - I don't know!" A frantic whimper left her mouth. This was all far too dizzying for her to deal with!

"Calm down, child. I'm going to look after him", she let go of Anne and turned around to leave for her son, but stopped as a hand gripped her arm.

"No!" Anne exclaimed forcefully before suddenly becoming completely quiet as she realized her bold actions.

"Misses Blythe…" she continued and let go of her arm, "I have to speak to you first."

"What? What is it?"

"I, I don't understand it, but... it's as if Gil wouldn't remember the past years!"

"What?" His mother covered her mouth in shock. "What are you saying, Anne?"

"He- he woke up and, and first I thought he was only joking! But he - Gilbert doesn't remember that he's studying at Redmond or anything else for that matter! He, he thinks he's still_ nineteen_!"

"Alright Anne, please try to calm down", she spoke in a gentle voice. Misses Blythe might have many flaws, but she always tried to keep her nerves and to assume the best.

"I'm sure everything will be alright again, dear. He only fell _yesterday_. I'm sure his body will simply need time to recover. Soon the doctor will arrive and then we will ask him all about this. There's no need for getting upset before we know anything."

The older woman smiled at Anne and gingerly lifted her hand up to wipe a tear off her face.

_Anne was still so young_. She had yet to learn not to waste all her sorrows on something that wasn't even there yet. But of course it was a different case for a girl in love... She _had_ been there too.

"Why don't you go back to him and keep him company until the doctor arrives? I'm sure he can use some distraction."

Anne nodded bravely, a little confused about his mother's calmness. But maybe she _was_ right. Soon the doctor would come and hopefully bring some light into this whole situation.

"I will pour on some black tea in the meantime. I'm sure we can all use it…"

Hesitantly Anne left her and walked once more towards Gil' bedroom. As she stood before his door, she realized she had forgotten to ask his mother is she should tell him about her discovery. She pondered if she should go back and do so, but then she came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to lie to him anyhow.

She knocked cautiously before stepping in, closing the door behind her.

Gilbert looked quizzically at her. Their conversation had left him completely confused, even more so her hasty leaving.

"I'm so sorry I-I disappeared like that."

Sheepishly she walked towards his bed and looked down at his wondering hazel eyes.

"Is something wrong, Anne?" Gil asked and motioned her to sit down.

She gave him a small smile, somehow relieved that at least his personality and courtesy _hadn't_ changed at all, and took a seat.

"Well…" She played with her fingers, racking her brain how she could tell him this as gently as possible. "Gil, it looks like… it looks like... as if... you can't remember some things."

"Well, I assumed so", he chuckled to himself - much to her surprise. "But how _much_ don't I remember, Anne?"

"Uh…" She looked down at her clenched hands. "Since you said… since you said you think you are nineteen… Well, Gilbert…. You… you are twenty-three!" She suddenly blurted out and lifted her head, revealing unshed tears sparkling in her eyes.

"You- you had birthday and, and you made fun of me b-because I hadn't even reached adulthood and y-you were already an old man!"

She sniffed and wiped those furious tears away with her sleeve.

Gilbert would have laughed at hearing this joke which _definitely_ sounded like something that would come out of _his_ mouth, if this girl wouldn't have been sitting crying before him.

"Anne…" he whispered and hesitantly reached his hand out to cover her nervous one. "It's alright. It's going to be alright."

Confused she met his eyes. Something was terribly wrong with this picture.

Gilbert was the one who just had an accident, and hurt badly, and lost his memory - and yet they were sitting here in reversed roles – _her_ crying like a little girl, _he_ consoling her.

So then _why_ did this picture feel right despite all its wrongness?

"I'm sorry, Gil. I shouldn't upset you even more, I-"

"But I'm not upset, Anne!" he rushed to say.

"What?" She knit her brow, "What do you mean?"

"I've read about this so many times, Anne! I found such an interesting book about medicine in my uncle's library! I read about concussion too! Maybe I have a swelling somewhere inside my head and the memory on that side remains incapacitated for some time. That happens to people all the time, Anne! As soon as everything is healed, the mind should work _just _flawlessly."

Anne couldn't help but smirk, witnessing his passion for all these medical topics. He certainly would make a wonderful doctor someday.

"Really?"

He wanted to nod, but remembered how much pain his movements had cost him the last time. So he smiled encouraging at her instead, "Really."

"Just imagine…" Gilbert's eyes wandered off, "I could keep myself under surveillance and record all of the developments! And then I could even write a thesis about concussions! O- of course only if I would ever manage to come this far…"

Gilbert blushed as he realized his ramblings. Normally that was _her _mannerism not his. Somewhat embarrassed he removed his hand from hers.

Anne only laughed. She couldn't be more relieved than seeing Gil being his old vivacious self.

"Well Gilbert Blythe, _I'm_ only happy to see that the part of your brain that contains your incorrigibleness had remained unharmed _completely_." She couldn't help but chuckle.

The sound of an approaching buggy ripped them both out of their cosy togetherness.

"Oh, it looks like the doctor's arriving, Gil." Anne rose and put the chair back where she had found it.

"A-are you already leaving?" As soon as this question dripping with disappointment had left his lips, Gilbert could have smacked himself. What a way to endear!

Anne turned around and stepped up to him. Smilingly she bent down and took his hand in hers.

"I will be back tomorrow, Gil."

His last piece of mind had left him at her tender touch. Sure _he _had touched her once or twice in a blue moon. When he had helped her into his boat or when they shook hands after becoming finally friends. He had even been bold enough to place one arm around her shoulders back then.

But _Anne Shirley_ touching _him_ - by choice!... now _that_ wasn't something his nerves were quite used to yet.

"Um, no, you really don't - I-I didn't mean-"

"You have to tell me everything you discussed with the doctor anyway, Mister Blythe", Anne interrupted his nervous stammering. "And I _do_ expect to find my name on the inscription", she winked and squeezed his hand.

"Promise me to rest, will you?"

"Yes..."

* * *

When Anne stepped outside, she took a few moments to breath in all the summery beauty surrounding her.

_The warm breeze tickling her skin._

_Rays of sunshine finding their way through high and lush trees._

_Bird's twittering reaching her ears like hundreds of little symphonies._

_The sweet smell of hydrangeas teasing her nose._

She had arrived here filled with nothing but fear to lose something dear to her forever.

But now she would leave full of new hope.

Gilbert didn't remember any of the tragic encounters between them. Not that he had proposed to her, nor that she had denied him.

She didn't want to lie to him… Didn't want to keep anything from him… But… but would something that would simply never leave her mouth be a lie?

Shouldn't she take the chance fate had given her? They could start all over and remain those friends they had grown to be in those cherished last years.

And now that she _knew_ what would expect her when… Now she could simply give their road a new destination and make sure that Gilbert wouldn't lose himself in these phantasmal feelings all over again.

Destiny had bestowed her with a book as fresh as dew in the first shafts of sunlight. A book filled with nothing but blank, unwritten pages.

And she would fill them with care.

* * *

**AN:** SailorLeia: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your feedback means so much to me! It gives me the chance to look at my chapters from a reader's point of view! Sometimes I'm so unsure about how things turned out! Of course I can always use Amy-chan's wisedom! Though I'm not so sure if she would be the right person to help me with a lovestory! Wasn't she even allergic to love in the Anime? xD (Now I have that manga drawing inside my head where she is in the bathtub, reading a book about love ^^) I would send you some milkshake – handmade by dear Motoki-onii-san, but since it's Thanksgiving I have to grab Mako-chan once again! She HAS to make us some goodies! Sending you Senshi-hugs and muddy hand prints (on your shoes! How creative of you!) and wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving! :) (ps. can't show you those photos of Mamorusagi here on fanfiction, because... *coughtoolittleclothescough* *wink*

RHrGreatness: You didn't realize that? xD Well, I suppose since they always think of each other and their worlds only revolve around each other, it's ALWAYS as if they would be in the same room, isn't it ^^ Yes, right! You can't tell us you yearn to touch his hair but don't love him. Tsk, tsk, Anne. Do we look _that_ stupid to you? No, plase do not answer xD

emily ann: Thank you! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

* * *

_**What is a friend?**_

_**A single soul dwelling in two bodies.**_

_Aristotle_

* * *

Gilbert tore his gaze off the window when a faintly knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in", he said somewhat irritated. If his mother would bring him just one more herbal tea he swore he would going to burst. This brew was already beginning to come out of his ears!

All the more surprised he was when Anne's slender figure shoved herself into his bedroom.

"Anne!" He adjusted the pillow behind his head so he could sit as upright as possible.

"Hello Gil", she smiled and stepped up to him. "Doesn't it hurt?" She pointed to the pillow steading his back.

"Not anymore. The doctor gave me something to ease the headache. Besides, it wouldn't be good for circulation if one would lie the whole time anyhow."

"Oh," Anne bit her bottom lip to keep herself from chuckling. Gilbert certainly _was_ adorable when he lost himself in those biological terms.

"Please, sit down, Anne", he motioned, "I'm sorry I can't get it myself. I would, but they keep forbidding me to leave my bed." Gilbert rolled his eyes.

"And I'm glad they do!" Anne exclaimed while getting the chair. "How can someone know all these things and yet refuse to follow doctor's order, Gil?" She scolded him.

He shrugged distorting his mouth, "It's boring."

Anne laughed at his outright honest reply. "But what did he say? How long do you have to stay in bed? And what about… about…"

"He confirmed all my assumptions. He is sure I must have gotten some swelling from an impact like that. Maybe even a smaller hematoma. He didn't sound worried at all, though. Once everything will be healed, my memories should come back as well."

Anne felt a knot in her stomach. She was relieved to hear all these good news but at the same time she was afraid of what would happen once he remembered.

She decided to suppress these upcoming doubts and sorrows. The only important thing right now was that Gil would going to get well.

"And how long do you have to stay in bed?"

"At least one week he said!"

Anne chuckled at his indignation. "It's not _so_ bad in there, is it? One week isn't _that _long, Gil."

"Really! If you are not even allowed to get up or to read a book? What am I supposed to do twenty-four hours a day?" He grumbled and twirled his bedcovers.

"You are not allowed to read?"

"No! He said that straining the eyes would slow the healing process down and cause even more headache."

"I didn't know that." Now she understood why one week did seem so long to him. Anne pondered what she could do to make his situation more pleasant. Certainly a glad Gil would mend much faster than a bored one.

"Well…" Anne looked down at her folded hands while speaking, "I know I'm not as gripping as some Robinson Crusoe... or Gulliver… but if you'd like... I could keep you company?"

Gilbert watched her flabbergasted. He couldn't help but pinch his hand while Anne wasn't looking.

Embarrassed she looked up after some moments, interpreting his silence as refusal, "I- I didn't mean to be intruding, Gil! Never mind me asking."

"No!" Gilbert realized which destination her thoughts had taken. "That would be… that would be tremendous, Anne! I just, I just didn't want to preoccupy you so! I'm sure you had other plans for your summer break."

"Oh…" Anne let out a relieved breath.

"I don't want to take all your ti-"

"Now you stop it, Gilbert Blythe. Such a nonsense. Has anyone ever heard of something like that." Anne noticed how the Marilla inside of her came out. "That's just what friends do. And now you will simply say yes, because otherwise I'm going to look for a slate in your house, and I don't suppose the doctor recommended _that_ to your head, did he?"

"Yes", Gilbert chuckled.

Anne knit her brow, "Yes?"

"I mean no - I mean yes to you and no to the slate."

"Oh", they looked at each other and then simultaneously burst into laughter.

"So, what would you like to do to pass time since there aren't so many options?"

"Hm… I don't know. Well, you could fill me in with all the things that happened in those four years!"

Anne suddenly felt stones in her stomach at this innocent question.

"Tell me-" it suddenly occurred to Gilbert. "Did I ever call you Carrots ever since?"

She looked bewildered at him, trying to bury the thoughts of his proposal. "What kind of question is that?"

"Well," he shrugged, "I only wanted to know if I changed during those four years." He dropped his gaze.

"Gilbert Blythe, it's your memory you lost, not your personality!" She chuckled teasingly. "I can reassure you, you are just as bold as always, your incorrigibleness unbroken and you call me Carrots all the time. In fact it wouldn't have been too bad if the part of your brain with _that _name in it would have been injured instead!"

"Well, if you wouldn't have told me right now then I wouldn't know, and maybe stopped calling you so." He grinned impishly.

Anne made a face, "Good grief, you're right! I just condemned myself to a lifelong 'Carrots'!" in feigned desperation she buried her face in her palms.

Gilbert only laughed, "Maybe you simply love that name actually, and your life would be sad and boring without it."

She peeked through her fingers, "In your dreams."

"Well then… since you don't want to share all the ingenuity I came up with in those years, I'll have to find something else..."

"Gil", it suddenly crossed her mind, "you're not going to leave for the Office this summer after all, are you?"

"No. I would miss the first weeks anyhow and besides, the doctor wants me to stay close by so he can watch over the healing process."

Anne exhaled relieved, "Oh, good."

"But speaking of Newspaper!"

"What?" she looked curious at him.

"I just had an idea! Since I am not allowed to read, how about-"

"Forget it."

"W-what! You don't even know what I was about to say!"

"I _do_ know and you can forget it, Gilbert Blythe."

"I don't beli-"

"You, dear Gilbert, were about to ask me if I would read something to you. And my answer is no. Now seek something else. I won't give you the opportunity to tease me about my voice."

"How - how did you do this?" He asked astonished.

_Oh my… he forgot that they were kindred spirits too! _Anne groaned inwardly.

"You'll find it out yourself soon enough."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

* * *

_**And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;**_

_**It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;**_

_**What is essential is invisible to the eye.**_

_Antoine de Saint-Exupéry_

* * *

„But how does it feel to have amnesia?"

Day after day Anne came by just as she had promised to. Sometimes in the afternoons, sometimes in the mornings, and sometimes she simply stayed when Misses Blythe would invite her for lunch.

If someone would have asked Anne or Gilbert how they passed the hours, they probably wouldn't have found a satisfying answer. Most of the time they simply talked about god and the world, falling from one topic into another. From books they've read to the deepest questions of mankind, up to the silliest things one could imagine.

At times when Gilbert's mother would walk by his door and hear them laughing, she started wondering if she had two children in there instead of grown up Redmond students.

"_How does it feel_? How do you mean that, Diana?"

Only yesterday Anne had finally convinced her bosom friend to accompany her today. She couldn't understand why no one ever visited Gil. It even made her angry. Of course she _did _know that they all were afraid and uncertain of how to speak with someone who lost the last years of his life, but still - he should know that there were people out there caring for him!

"Well", Diana shrugged her shoulders and adjusted herself in the small chair. This week she had been forced to let her hems out once again, and slowly every chair felt like one of the seven dwarves to her.

"I mean, how does it… well, _feel_. I mean, without that information… Doesn't your head feel lighter?"

Gilbert looked quite puzzled at the ravenblack-haired girl.

"You mean even _lighter _than it already _was_?" Anne snickered.

Since there was only one chair in his room and she had been too lazy to carry another one all the way down from their kitchen, Anne simply sat on Gilbert's bed.

"Hey!" He pinched her right above her elbow. "Only speak for yourself!"

"Ow!" She rubbed her skin and then slapped his shoulder. "I did not know you wanted to keep your shallowness a secret, Mr. Blythe."

"Oh you!"

Diana's eyes watched their verbal exchange with a smile. How wonderful it was to see them this close again. After all the separation and grief their shattered friendship had caused. If they would only stay like this. And if only they could see what she was seeing just now.

_Destiny._

Diana decided she would give them some time alone.

She stood up, smoothing out her skirt, "Well, I'm afraid I have to leave."

"Oh wait, Di! I'll go with you!" Anne bent down to the floor to reach her purse.

"Uhm… I'm not going home yet, Anne…"

Her two friends looked quizzically at her.

"I, um… I promised Fred a walk."

"Oh", Anne grinned and couldn't help but wink, which Diana answered with a pout.

"Thank you for coming by, Diana", Gil smiled at her, deciding he would ask the upcoming questions later.

"It was nothing, Gilbert, really. I'm only happy to see you so up and about again. You gave us all quite a scare", she returned his smile, "I'll see you tomorrow, Anne?"

"Yes. Someone owes me some report…"

Diana rolled her eyes and opened the door, "Goodbye you two."

"Bye Diana."

"And don't stay up too long, Di!" Anne called chuckling when the door was already closed.

Gilbert turned his face towards hers.

"What?" Anne looked amused at his flabbergasted expression.

"Fred? _Fred Wright_?"

"Oh my!" Anne ran her hands over her face. "I completely forgot that!"

"What? What is it with those two? Are they courting?"

Anne bit her lip, "Not… quite?"

"Not q- Diana is _engaged_ to Fred?" He looked open-mouthed at her.

Anne simply nodded.

"Oh my! I didn't see _that_ coming!"

"I know… And I completely forgot I haven't told you yet." Anne laid her hand on his arm. "But believe me, I was every bit as shocked as you are."

"Phew… Incredible what happens in four years." Gilbert mused.

"I know what you mean…" Anne whispered. _Better than he could have known..._

"And nevertheless we remained friends ever since?" He let out a chuckle, "I'm sorry, but I still can't believe it."

"Well… I suppose you'll need four years to believe it."

"That we never fought!"

"Now wait a minute, Gilbert Blythe. I did not say anything of _that_ kind", Anne smirked.

"What? We _do_ fight?"

"Well of course, you ninny! All the time!"

"But… Then why…?"

"Because that's simply how it works with two tenacious characters as we are. You have your opinion, I have mine, and both we are convinced the other one is mistaken."

"And then?"

"And then?" She shrugged, "We simply get tired and decide to give someone else a hard time." She grinned mischievously.

Gilbert laughed, "That _does_ sound like us, yes."

"Gilbert!" His mother called suddenly through the door.

"Yes?"

"Shall I bring you fresh tea?"

He groaned and rolled his eyes, "No thank you, mother."

"Alright. But you know you ought to drink plenty."

"Yes", he muttered.

Anne laughed watching his face, "What is it with this tea?"

"Oh nothing", he waved his hand dismissively. "Mother simply thinks the more tea you drink the faster the memories will return. I wished I had some plant in my room I could water with it."

She snickered and lifted her hand up, "Give it to me."

"What?"

"Give it to me." She wiggled her fingers. "I'll drink it."

Gilbert couldn't have been more dumbfounded if she would had said that the sky was purple today.

There wasn't a doubt that Anne _knew _that he had already drunk from that cup.

Why would she initiate such an intimate gesture? It's something only lovers do in all those mythologic legends and medieval adventures he had read.

_Honestly!_ Gilbert scolded himself inwardly. What strange destination his thoughts had taken! He only became friends with Anne Shirley and now he's thinking such nonsense, instead of simply being grateful for finally getting along so well.

He reached her the warm cup, their fingers brushing as she took it from him.

Gilbert felt a jolt in his heart. _How_ s_trange_… Maybe they simply carried some static charges within them?

"I don't know what you're complaining about, Gil. It's not bad."

"Let's see how you think about it after drinking it six days in a row, Anne with an e."

"Uh!" The mention of those days of bed-rest suddenly reminded her of her original question. "The doctor! I completely forgot to ask what he said today!"

She reached him the now empty cup and looked curiously at him.

"Oh…" Gilbert looked down at his covers after he had put it away.

"He did come today, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

"So why do you keep me in suspense so long, Gilbert Blythe!" She pricked him into his chest so he would look at her.

He met her eyes and waited a few seconds before speaking, "Well. Everything's fine. He said… I could even risk to leave the bed tomorrow."

"Really?" Anne beamed at him.

He nodded, only managing a weak smile.

"Why aren't you happy, Gil?" She watched him with concern, his reaction confusing her.

Gilbert moved his shoulders up and down, "I _am_ happy that I may leave the bed…"

"…But?"

"But…" He sighed, "Mother wants me to go to church with them on Sunday. Thanking the lord for his mercy in a way."

"Well… sure there are more exciting things than Mr. Evan's sermons bu-"

"That's not it", Gilbert interrupted her, "It's not the church or the sermon."

"Oh. So, what then?"

"It's the people."

"The people?" Anne wrinkled her forehead. Since when did Gil have problems with being around other people? He's one of the most social persons she's ever met.

"Don't you see, Anne?" He lifted his hand to underline his words, "It's alright for me to lack those memories for some time. I know I will be alright again. But can you imagine how it will be - talking to all those people who know so much more about your life than you do yourself? It will make feel like a stranger in my own story!"

Anne dropped her gaze. Somehow she felt guilty for haven't thought that far.

She was so used to Gil always seeing the bright side of things, that it hadn't even occurred to her he could have fears and sorrows as well.

"How insensitive of me…" she whispered more to herself than to him.

"No Anne, I didn't-"

She glanced at his hand resting on the blanket, before sheepishly reaching out and covering it with her smaller one.

"Then I simply won't leave your side on Sunday. I doubt they know more than I do." She offered in a shy voice.

A pleasant warmth spread through Gilbert's body at her words and touch. Something he had never experienced before. As if he would have been an empty glass and someone poured rays of sunshine into it, enlightening it on every side.

"Anne…" He didn't even know what he had intended to say. The girl had stolen all his words from him.

She gave him a smile, "Now don't hesitate, Robinson Crusoe! Leave your abandoned island behind and venture outside. You need some more company than Friday to stay sane."

"Are you comparing yourself to Friday, huh?" He grinned.

"Well, sure!" She grinned back, squeezing his fingers unconsciously.

"I doubt Friday talked half as much as-"

"Misses Blythe! Gilbert here needs some more tea!"

* * *

**AN:** Dannie Merlot: You couldn't have paid me a bigger compliment. Thank you SO much! That _is_ right; I wondered myself when this change inside him happened. I'm convinced he was in love with her from the start, but his feelings grew just as he did and his desires too. First it was forgiveness he wished, then friendship and at last love. I will try to develop their feelings as realistic and understandable (I hope!) as possible :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

* * *

_**We have woven a web,**_

_**You and I,**_

_**Attached to this world but a separate world of our own invention.**_

_John Keats_

* * *

Gilbert noticed in astonishment the strange glance Charlie Sloane gave in his direction from the corner of his eyes.

He had already perceived something indefinable in his eyes when they had greeted each other before stepping inside the church.

First he had thought nothing of it. Even though Charlie was a chum to him, he _could be_ difficult to understand and to deal with from time to time. Sometimes he really reminded of some little boy who was getting angry and obnoxious once he didn't get his way.

Moreover hadn't Gilbert really met one single person today who _hadn't _given him a look in a mixture of pity and nasty curiousness if one could see any signs of his amnesia on the outside. As if they were expecting it would turn his face green and cover it with blisters all over.

They took a seat in the church, Anne sitting alone beside him and his parents, since Marilla had caught a nasty cold and Diana was out of town to finish some wedding preparations.

But even then those glances continued, and Gilbert began wondering if Charlie wanted to tell him something. Almost as if he would be angry with him. It wasn't until Anne shifted uneasily on the bench and dropped her gaze obviously to not look at Charlie Sloane, Gilbert realized it was _her_ his strange looks had been for. Not him.

He wanted to wait until sermon would be over and them being alone again to ask her about it, but today's mass was so shallow and boring that he wasn't able to keep his mind off those two.

Finally, when the whole community was singing some hymn of thanks, he leaned in to Anne, waiting until he was sure he had her full attention as she stopped singing and tilted her head a bit.

"What is it with Charlie?" he whispered, his warm breath tickling her skin.

To her own surprise his closeness didn't make her feel uncomfortable as it would have with any other person who wasn't Diana or Marilla.

If anything she felt a rather peculiar feeling _inside_ her and _on_ her skin. It was as if she would have gotten goosebumps, but instead of feeling cold she felt very warm. And it was as if something sent a shiver down her spine, but instead of being afraid, it felt thrilling and made her feel quite special.

Almost as if it would have been meant to happen that she was sitting right now beside him, sharing whispered words as only confidents did.

She pondered what she should reply. She wasn't sure if Gilbert had ever known that Charlie made her a proposal, _before_ he lost his memories, so the thought of telling him had never really crossed her mind. Even more so since it was an incident she wished to bury and forget.

But now that he had asked, she couldn't lie to him. The one lie she _did_ keep upright was already bringing her to her limits. She wouldn't bear another one.

Although how should she tell him? She couldn't very well tell him _now_. Surrounded by all those people, during a sermon. But on the other hand, if she would tell him she will tell him afterwards, she could as well simply fill him in right now. And what if Charlie would mention something concerning this afterwards?

Anne decided it would be better to say it right now.

She looked around from the corner of her eyes, making sure that nobody was paying them much attention. Since everybody seemed to be engrossed in their songbooks, she lifted her head so her mouth would reach his ear, and moved so close that nobody would be able to read her lips from behind.

"Please. Don't ask any further questions right now. But", she paused and Gilbert knit his brow. "I refused his proposal."

As inconspicuously and slowly she moved away from him before risking a glance.

His eyes spoke volumes.

For some moments Gilbert forgot to breathe. The world-shattering of those simple words.

_The thought of Anne being a wife to someone…_

Leave out Charlie Sloane; Gilbert couldn't name one thing that should have motivated his fellow to ask her such a life-changing question. He had never spent time alone with Anne – as far as Gil remembered – , had never shown any kind of interest in her world, and didn't know nor understand her at all. It was just as ridiculous as suggesting to unite Penelope and Achilles! Charlie must have seen her as some trophy of beauty which he wanted to drag home. Nothing more.

But apart from that... the bare _thought_ of Anne daring this step in her life…

Sure, he _had_ realized during those past days that she wasn't the girl of sixteen anymore but the woman of twenty years. An altogether common age to think of marriage.

But who in heaven's name should deserve to be the man on Anne Shirley's side?

Being a wife… Gilbert knew what being a wife meant. It would mean to share her heart, her soul… even her body with someone else. Some stranger.

Gilbert shuddered. He placed one hand on his stomach as he felt nausea rising inside of him.

Being a wife would mean that Anne would commit herself to one person completely. That this person and this person alone would have the right of making her his completely. _In every sense of the word._

Gilbert was ripped out of his stinging thoughts as everyone around him rose.

And never had he been more relieved that sermon was finally over and he could step outside and breathe in fresh air.

"Gilbert!" Moody Spurgeon MacPherson walked with a friendly smile towards Anne and Gil.

"Hello Moody", he returned his smile and took his outstretched hand, thankful for finally meeting a pleasant person.

"I wanted to speak to you earlier, but I had to help Mr. Evan preparing his sermon. You see-"

"You're a minister-to-be, I know." Gilbert smiled.

"Right", he chuckled, "I should have known Miss Shirley here took good care of you." He gave her a wink.

"I wanted to speak to you two anyway. Listen, since Diana and Fred's wedding is only two weeks away, shouldn't we initiate an A.V.I.S. meeting to discuss and start our preparation?"

"That's a great idea, Moody! I didn't even realize how time flowed by! What a bridesmaid I am…" Anne curled her lips.

"Avis?" Gilbert looked confused at her, "like the bird?"

"No… please tell me I didn't forget to tell you this too, Gil?" She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Well… Inform me and we'll find out."

"A.V.I.S. is only the short form... for Avonlea Village Improvement Society?" She looked expectantly at him, hoping those words would ring a bell.

"No?"

"Oh no…" She clapped her palms against her cheeks, "I failed miserably, Gil. I even forgot to tell you _this_!"

Moody fought hard to contain his laughter at such a dramatic reaction by Anne. Even though he was quite used to her exaggerations after all those years of being schoolmates.

"It won't be that bad." Gilbert chuckled. "_Avonlea Village Improvement Society_? What do they do?"

"Not 'they', Gil. You are a part of it too! We founded it in attempt to bring more beauty into our town."

"Well, sounds like a good idea to me. Old Avonlea sure could use some restorations. It sounds like something you would come up with, Anne?" He asked curiously.

"No, _we _did."

"Oh, sorry", he let out a chuckle, "I should have known that where you are, Diana is never far-"

"No, _we_." Anne interrupted him in slight frustration. "'We' as in you and I, Gil."

"Oh…"

_We as in you and I._

The bare sound of this.

_We._ Something he would have never thought Anne Shirley would share with him sometime.

The privilege of letting him into the small world of two people. Of you and I. Of we.

By now Jane Andrews, Josie Pye, Charlie Sloane and some other young inhabits had joined their little conversation. Just as it would always happen on Sundays when mass was over.

"If you even forgot to tell him about A.V.I.S. – whatever did you two talk about all this time?" Moody asked and didn't let shine through if this was only an innocent friendly question or some try to wrinkle something bigger out of them.

Anne and Gil shrugged simultaneously, "Nothing", coming out of their mouths in unison, which provoked a few sceptical looks from one or two.

"Well", Josie's snappy voice cut through the pleasant togetherness like a cold knife into a delicate flower.

"I certainly wouldn't lower myself so deep to throw myself at a boy in his _bedroom_", she took pleasure in emphasizing the last word. "It's a scandal. Whole Avonlea is talking about your sin, Anne Shirley."

Nobody dared to breathe or move for some moments. Too afraid the merest stir would trigger the explosion.

They all were on Anne's side, everybody knowing that neither Anne nor Gilbert would ever cross a line as fatal as this, but they all were afraid to be the first one to speak.

As he regained his composure, Gilbert took two determined strides towards Josie and lifted his hand threatening, causing the girl to make a step backwards.

"I will not let you taint Anne's reputation just because you still haven't learned how to tame your tongue after twenty years, Josie Pye", Gilbert hissed.

"I'm sorry to learn that you are not blessed with friends who stay at your side when you need them – you would never talk about kindness in such a filthy way if you were. But if I were you, I would start to be more careful with the things you say, otherwise it will come back to you. You're lucky that I would never hit a girl."

He gave her one last glance that could have frozen floating water into ice, "It's _my_ loss that you're not a boy", before stepping back, his fists clenched at his sides.

Confused he looked to his left and to his right when he returned to his previous place.

Anne was gone.

Everybody had been so captured by Gil's reaction that no one had even noticed her hasty leaving.

Before thinking twice, Gilbert started running, not even bothering to bid goodbye. He even forgot that running wasn't really the best thing he could do right now after his concussion, and simply headed for the first spot that came into his mind.

He had no idea where she ran off, there was no sign of her whatsoever, but something inside of him told him to search for her by the flower meadow where all those old apple and cherry trees had their home.

He stopped when he perceived a distant sound. Why it was almost... almost like a faint whimper. Carefully he followed the sound until he spotted Anne's outlines sheltered by the big trunk of a cherry tree.

Gilbert approached her slowly, trying to regain control over his racing thoughts.

She was sitting on the ground, her back leaned against the trunk, her arms encircling her legs so she could bury her face in her knees.

"Anne", he whispered just like one would whisper to some small forlorn animal to not scare it away.

Startled she lifted her head, revealing trails of tears all over her cheeks.

Why was he here? How could he have found her here? It had only become _their _place when they began studying together during their time as teachers. He had no reasons to find her here!

Embarrassed she wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and tried to win control over her emotions.

Gilbert sat down beside her, leaning on the tree as well. For some moments he didn't say anything, didn't even look at her, as if he would have known she wished for the chance to regain her composure and dignity.

"I'm so sorry you had to hear those words because of me, Anne." He finally turned his face towards her.

She shook her head forcefully, "She would have found a way to hurt me anyhow. I can't believe I even let her under my skin after all those years. It's just… It's just…"

Her voice cracked as new tears started falling down. "Oh no", she sobbed, running her hands furiously over her cheeks, causing her to cry even harder.

Without thinking, Gilbert opened his arms and pulled her into him.

"I-if… Marilla…"

"Then she wouldn't believe it, Anne." He stroked her back soothingly.

_Was it wrong to take a liking to the feeling of her in his arms when she was in pain?_

"No one who knows you would ever believe such a thing. Josie doesn't even believe it herself. She only wanted to hurt you. But… but I could understand if you wouldn't want to…"

"No!" Anne lifted her head from his chest, green eyes sparkling with unshed tears meeting his hazel ones. "I would never give a person like her the power to ruin my friendships!"

"Are you… sure?" he asked uncertain. For Gilbert this all was still some rainbow bubble which he expected to burst any moment.

"Of course I am sure!" Anne stuck her nose up in the air like she always did when she wanted to reinforce her statements.

Gilbert smiled and slowly removed his arms around her to lift his hands. After looking at her as if waiting for some sign to stop him, his hands touched her face, his thumbs brushing gently over her skin, wiping salty memories away.

"A girl of your class should not waste tears for such shallowness. Keep them for something dear to your heart."

Anne watched him with amazement. An unfamiliar warmth spreading through her veins, reaching her heart.

_This was how Gil would be as husband._

She realized for the first time. For the _very_ first time. The truth was - she had never imagined how it would be to be married to him. Not once. The thought seemed so downright ridiculous to her that it never crossed her mind.

When he had asked her to be his wife, the only things she _had _known were that Gilbert was her friend, and that she still waited for her melancholic poet, the one who was meant for her.

Those two facts kept her from imagining how it actually would be to be his wife.

But now under the shelter of cherry blossoms and summer sky, she suddenly had found out.

Gilbert would be the most caring husband she had ever seen or heard of.

He would ease someone's sorrows, and share someone's laughter.

He would embrace someone before falling asleep, and be the most faithful companion one could wish for.

Gilbert would be the most caring husband to someone.

_And this someone wouldn't be her._

* * *

**AN: **Do we even know the name of the minister who followed in the steps of Reverend Allan? I couldn't remember one nor did I find something. So I simply call him Mr. Evan. No minister who's not Mr. Allan is important anyhow! ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

* * *

_**Every heart sings a song,**_

_**Incomplete,**_

_**Until another heart whispers back.**_

_Plato_

* * *

The A.V.I.S. members were sitting in a circle on the floor of Mister Barry's parlour. He had offered them to use his house on this occasion since they would be planning his daughter's wedding.

"I'd like to open this meeting now", Anne's voice interrupted the chatter of the attendants.

"Jane has offered to keep the minutes. I would suggest we start with the general ideas for Diana and Fred's wedding, and then split the different tasks up in three or four smaller groups. Does everybody agree?"

Gilbert, who sat next to her, watched her in awe. He had known how assertive Anne could be, but to listen to her now made him realize what a born leader she was.

"I'd have a question", Julia Bell was the only one who didn't nod in agreement.

"Yes?"

"Do we have to go through whole Avonlea begging for money all over? Just like for that _oh _so great blue hall?" She rolled her eyes, making no pretence of her annoyance.

Anne had to take a deep breath before answering as polite as possible, "There's no need for that, dear Julia." Nobody could deny her some irony though, could they? "Mister Barry was so kind and offered to bear all costs. He sees it as his duty as father of the bride."

"Why isn't Diana here anyway?" Oliver Sloane asked.

Seriously, did anyone even listen to Anne _at all_? She had answered the exact same question at least three times before.

"Diana left for Charlottetown on Saturday. She's visiting her aunt in order to finish some matters for her wedding", Gilbert took over and was rewarded by a thankful glance from Anne.

"Alright, now the first thing we have to take care of are the flowers. To make sure we will acquire enough for the church _and_ their garden. We should settle for one flower and one colour, I'd suggest. Diana wished for an elegant wedding."

"Anne and I thought it would be lovely to go for white Jasmine", Jane Andrews spoke, "They _are _Diana's favourites and have the meaning… the meaning… What was the meaning again, Anne?"

"_I attach myself to you_", she smiled dreamily.

"Exactly. That was it. Wouldn't that be just lovely for a wedding? We also…"

Jane's voice drifted into the background of her mind, as Anne lost herself in a beautiful vision of Barry's garden.

Divinely smelling Jasmine's everywhere… Diana walking down the white carpet between their seats… All eyes on her… Wearing her gorgeous wedding dress made of lace, crowned by the puffiest sleeves…

Looking like a goddess. No, looking like Snow White did on her wedding day…

Anne smiled at her fancy and lost herself even deeper into her daydream.

How she would arrive under the lovely wedding-arbor… Her heart filled with nothing but bliss and love… And he would lift her veil…

His hazel eyes meeting her green ones… A firework exploding inside of them… One single curly strand of hair escaping his combed-out hair, as if wanting to show the world that his impishness would not be broken simply by becoming a husband.

Anne's eyes widened in shock.

Had she just… _had she just_ imagined marrying Gil?

The heat rushed through her body, leaving her cheeks in a rosy tint.

There was no excuse for something like this! She had already made her decision! She had already said no to his proposal! It was unforgivable of her mind to wander off to something as forbidden as this!

"ANNE!" Jane's voice ripped her out of her confused thoughts. Startled she lifted her head.

"_We_ were just at Diana's wedding! Where were _you_?" she asked, for once bringing the mischievous side inside her out. Anne hadn't even known it existed at all.

"Uh, me too. I just, I just imagined it all", she blushed even harder.

"I see… Well, I just finished writing our tasks down. You can divide them into groups now."

"Good."

Anne bent forward to take the outstretched paper from her friend, but was still too far away. So Gilbert took it off Jane's hands instead, to pass it along.

"Here."

"Thank y-" Anne yelped as their fingers brushed.

"Oh", Gilbert rubbed his hand chuckling.

"How can you be charged? There's no carpet around", she laughed too.

"I wasn't! I believe you were."

Charlie Sloane groaned and rolled his eyes, "We get it. None of you carried any static charge, it were _jolts of love_. Can we continue now? Some of us have still to get some work done today."

Gilbert perceived this with more confusion than anger. This wasn't the first time this week someone had passed remarks about him and Anne of this kind. Wherefrom would they get ideas like _that_?

Moody gave Charlie a push and a glance to silence him.

"Wha-"

Suddenly the door swung open, revealing a smiling Diana who was just about to remove her hat, "Why, hello!" She exclaimed in surprise, not having expected to find anybody in their parlour.

"D-Di…" Anne stuttered, hiding the paper as fast as possible behind her back. "What- What are you doing here?"

The ravenblack-haired girl put her hat down and chuckled, "What, am I not allowed to be in my _own_ house?"

"No", Anne returned the laughter awkwardly, "Of course… We, uh, we just thought you wouldn't return until tomorrow."

Relieved she felt how Gilbert's hands took the paper from her, presumably shoving it into his jacket.

"Aunt Josephine had to visit a friend who had fallen ill. What are _you_ doing here?" She looked around, "I didn't know a meeting was set for today."

"Yes… well, it was a rather spontaneous idea, you see. Moody reminded us of the upcoming bonfire."

"Oh…" Diana knit her brow, "Do we not arrange it the same way every year?"

"Yes, um, that's what we just realized too…" Anne tried to chuckle while inwardly hitting herself. She had never been very well at lying.

"Well", her eyes returned to the group of members, "then we are finished for today. And Jane, I will give you the… um _book_… tomorrow, would that be alright?"

"Of course", Jane winked conspiratorially.

Everyone rose and bid goodbye to Diana before leaving.

"Will we see each other tomorrow? You have to tell me everything about aunt Josephine!" Anne embraced her.

"I just wanted to ask you the same, Anne!" Diana snickered.

"Are you even surprised after all those years, Di?"

"Not really…" she kissed Anne's cheek affectionately.

"Sweet dreams, Di. I already know what you will dream of…" Anne winked and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Sweet dreams to you too, my dearest Anne. Goodbye Gilbert."

"Goodnight Diana", he smiled and opened the door for Anne.

Anne breathed in the fresh evening air and looked up to the sky where Vesper had already come out of hiding.

"Let me walk you home, Anne. It's already getting dark", Gilbert spoke as he reached her side.

"But it would be a detour to you, Gil. I will be fine."

"Please, do me the favour. I wouldn't feel at ease knowing you're alone outside. None of the others walked home alone." His hazel eyes looked pleadingly at her and Anne couldn't really withstand them.

"Oh, alright", she bit her bottom lip, "but only for your sanity."

Gilbert chuckled, "Of course. How thoughtful of you, Miss Shirley." He shoved his hands in his pockets as they started their way home, not trusting them completely. By whatever means…

Anne would have never admitted that she _was_ thankful for his presence. Not just because walking home in the dim didn't make her feel as comfortable as it did under the shelter of the sun, but also because her thoughts were rather gloomy after all that talk about Diana's approaching wedding.

"You will miss her, won't you?" Gilbert broke their silence after some minutes.

Anne looked at him in bewilderment. Had she just spoken her thoughts aloud?

"Diana, I mean", he added as she didn't reply right away.

"Yes, I, uh, understood that, I just… nevermind…"

She couldn't quite tell if it thrilled her how much of an open book she was to Gilbert, or if it scared her. Somehow it made her feel so naked and vulnerable.

She rubbed her arms, "Well… I'm… afraid to say it aloud… I'm feeling like some witch who wants to destroy other people's happiness…" Anne looked ashamed down at her boots.

"Anne, you're no such thing!" Gilbert watched her flabbergasted. How could she think so poorly of herself?

"It would fit, wouldn't it? Witches _do _have red hair…" She kicked a pebble stone out of her way.

"I do not know of any red-haired witch, Anne. I only _do _know of red-haired fairies."

She chuckled and looked amused up to him. "You do, do you?"

He nodded solemnly.

"And how would you know them, Mister Blythe?"

"I saw them, of course!"

"_Of course._ And I assume you are not allowed to tell me where you met them, because they made you promise not to."

"You assume rightly, Miss Shirley", he flashed her a lopsided grin, jubilant of having the ways to cheer her up.

"In fact, if you think about it. Witches could have _any _hair colour they'd desire, right? They are witches after all."

"Right", she tried to follow his thoughts, being in high spirits talking of all those mystical creatures in such a silly way.

"So don't you think they wanted to look just as beautiful as fairies and cast a spell over their own hair?"

"To make it look red?"

He nodded.

"Are you trying to cheer me up, Gilbert Blythe?"

"Maybe", he winked at her.

Anne felt some butterflies awakening in her stomach and dropped her gaze.

"I just feel so selfish for being sad that she won't live close by anymore…"

"There's nothing selfish about being afraid to lose someone you love, Anne. I'm sure Diana feels the same way about you."

"Do you think?"

"Actually, I am quite sure. I have never met two friends as close as you and her. And you know, this won't change, Anne. Even though maybe you can't see each other as often and spontaneously as you used to, nothing will be able to cut through this bond you share. Not even such a big change as marriage."

Amazed she watched him for some moments. Just when had Gilbert become such a cornerstone in her life?

"Why Gilbert Blythe, whenever did you become so wise? It must be some side effect of your amnesia", she tried to joke to keep the tears from falling.

"It's quite simple really", he looked mischievously at her, "I simply lost all my stupidity along with my memories."

Anne burst out laughing, slapping his shoulder, "Oh you."

He watched her grinningly until he couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Thank you…" she finally whispered in such a thin voice that he almost hadn't understood her.

"It's only the truth, you know."

Anne didn't dare to ask if he was referring to her hair as well. She would love to think of it as something she shared with fairies.

Gilbert didn't find the courage to say that he had always mused the fairies must have searched everywhere for a missing companion. She wouldn't have believed it anyhow...

* * *

**AN:** Dear Miss RHrGreatnessstein, once they would kiss my story would be over! You know as well as I do that they couldn't stop ;)

Amybf19: Thank you for every single review! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

* * *

_**Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart;**_

_**Of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants.**_

_**The way it stops and starts."**_

_Edgar Allan Poe_

* * *

Clueless he stood in Green Gables' front yard, looking up at all those windows.

_Just throw a pebble_, she had said.

_That way you won't have to be questioned by Rachel Lynde_, she had said.

Gilbert twirled the little stone inside his palm.

Just _where _exactly her bedroom window would be, she had not said.

Nor had it crossed his mind to ask.

What was he supposed to do now? Every window looked exactly the same. With the same white lace curtains. No sign whatsoever which would indicate Anne's presence.

He couldn't very well toss it on the off chance, risking it would be Miss Cuthbert's, or worse – Misses Lynde's room. But what was his alternative? Going over and knocking as if he would be some coward?

He didn't want to be a coward to Anne.

Gilbert closed his eyes and took a breath. Alright, grit your teeth and get to it.

The pebble met one of the middle windows with a small clunk. Tensely he waited for any movements behind it. But nothing happened.

"What are you doing?" Anne hissed as she opened her window.

Gilbert looked to the right. So, _this _was her bedroom…

She shook her head and motioned she would come down.

"Just why did you throw it at their sewing chamber!" She grabbed his arm before he could even greet her and dragged him away from their house and onto the street.

"You can't tell me you lost your tossing-abilities as well, Gil!"

Anne was the only one who ever dared teasing remarks about his amnesia when everyone else would treat him with pity. He was glad she did. It gave him the feeling it really wasn't that bad after all and soon would be completely alright again.

"No, but I didn't know which one belonged to your room, Anne!"

"What are you saying, you used-"

Anne stopped both speaking and walking as laughter bubbled out of her.

Gilbert, who was forced to stop dead as well since she still hold onto his arm, looked puzzled down at her.

"I'm sorry, Gil", she finally spoke and let go of his arm, "It didn't cross my mind at all that you wouldn't remember it anymore. Please don't be mad at me."

How could he ever be mad at Anne? Even more so now that she revealed such incredible information to him! What was she saying?

"You mean… there _was_ a time I used to know it?"

"Why of course!" She started walking again, "You did it all the time. Whenever we weren't supposed to meet and you just came by, you would toss a stone at my window to avoid Rachel's nosiness. Oh well, or when we _were _supposed to meet and I lost track of the time while writing", she chuckled at herself.

Gilbert needed some moments to process this new side of their friendship. It was so difficult to wake up and land in a world where they would found societies together and he would toss pebbles at her bedroom window.

"Didn't the doctor come by the past days, Gil?" Anne interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh. Yes. Only yesterday in fact."

Anne felt how she tensed up, "…And?"

"He said everything was healing very nicely. It shouldn't take very long anymore. Actually it could happen any day."

"Oh, how… wonderful, Gil…" she managed to say and pressed her hand to her stomach.

_Any day?_ Any day he would remember _everything_?

Would that mean their renewed friendship would shatter all over again? How should she deal with this pain a second time?

She closed her eyes and tried to regain her composure. _Today was today._

She should seize every moment there was still left instead of initiating the pain already now.

"Do we even know if Lawson's has any Jasmines, Anne?" Gilbert ripped her out of her dark thoughts.

"Huh? Oh. Um, yes. I went there myself already weeks ago to ask. I know we hadn't made the decision back then, but I knew they were Diana's favourites."

"…And you thought you would convince the others one way or another?" He raised his eyebrows teasingly.

"Don't be silly! That's not true."

"Uh-huh…" He grinned to himself.

"It is not!"

"Alright."

"_Honestly_, Gil."

"I didn't say anything."

"No, that was not necessary. Your eyes spoke loud enough."

Gilbert lifted his hand as if shielding his eyes from the sun when it was his eyes he tried to shield from Anne's sight.

_He could play along._

"Oh you!" She laughed, "Once someone sees you, they'll think you lost your mind!"

"Didn't I anyway?"

She rolled her eyes, "That's not funny", and grabbed his hand to remove it from his face.

It was then they suddenly stood there like frozen, both looking at their entwined hands.

Anne's heart almost jumped out of her chest. She had thought nothing of her movement, and _yet _something so dizzying had come out of their innocent teasing.

Was this the first time she ever held his hand in such a way? Not like she did whenever they would shake hands, but in this newfound warm and intimate kind of way…

Flustered she let go of him and spun her head around so she wouldn't need to meet his gaze. He shouldn't see her red cheeks.

_It was strange_, she mused as they resumed their way into town.

In the months before Gilbert had asked her to become his wife, it had always been _him _who found a way to touch her in some subtle way. And it had confused her, maybe even scared. She hadn't known how to handle these demonstrations of his affection.

But since he had lost his memories, it was _him_ who was the shyer one of them, who sometimes didn't know how to behave around her – her, who was already used to their friendship and nearness. And now it was _Anne _who felt the unexplainable urge to be close to him from time to time, to even touch him.

Indeed, she even _missed_ his approaches in some way. Only now that they were past, Anne realized that it had been those things which used to show her how much he cared.

She cleared her throat to break the awkward silence, "They really _do_ make beautiful flower arrangements."

"Oh?" Gil was still stuck in that moment just mere seconds ago, and needed to catch up with time.

"Yes, though only very few know. You see, a few years ago I asked Alice if they would have some pretty bouquets. I wanted to give Marilla one for her birthday. She always insists in getting nothing, but what is a birthday when you don't get anything?

Of course I always used to pick her some flowers myself, but I wanted it to be something new and special after Matthew… Well… Alice told me that her mother is a real artist when it comes to flowers, but she doesn't want to show it off. She promised though she would persuade her in making one for me.

And Gil, you wouldn't believe _how_ beautiful this one was! Not even in Charlottetown have I seen something this exquisite!

Of course Marilla was vexed with me. She said it was nonsense to pay for something that would only last a week. But I could see how happy they made her." Anne chuckled.

"And once Diana told me she would marry… I wanted to make it as special and beautiful as possible. All those years we kept dreaming of how it would be… Her day shouldn't disappoint her."

Gilbert smiled amazed at her, "I'm sure it won't. With all the work and thoughts you put into it, Anne."

They've reached Lawson's General and he opened the door for her.

"Good afternoon, Alice", Anne walked towards the counter where the young woman was stowing rolls of clothes away.

Surprised she turned around, "Why, hello Anne! And Gilbert! So nice to see you! How are you Gilbert?"

"Very well, thank you, Alice."

"We came here because of the…" Anne leaned over the counter to say it as quiet as possible. The other customers shouldn't know anything about their wedding preparations and spoil their surprise.

"No need, Anne! I know everything!" The brunette beamed at them as she clasped her hands, "Jane Andrews was here yesterday and told me I should expect you any day!"

Gilbert and Anne shared a brief glance. They hoped Jane hadn't been _too _talkative.

"I already told my mother you would settle for Jasmines. That _is_ right, isn't it?"

Anne didn't even get the chance to answer at Alice's flood of words.

"She insisted in showing you some alternatives. Wait a minute, I will go and get the samples."

Only a few seconds later she returned with a box full of miniature bouquets - ones of the kind used for decorating the aisle or the altar. Every bouquet was made of different flowers.

"They're _beautiful_, Alice." Anne's sparkling eyes spotted the Jasmines right away and she lifted it up to show the bouquet to Gilbert.

"Won't you have a closer look at the other ones?"

Anne and Gil looked at each other then back at Alice before shaking their heads simultaneously.

"My, aren't you two of a kind." Alice chuckled and put the box down on the floor.

"I have noticed it _is_ mighty strange how you two always end up in the same group when there is something to get done." Alice, always looking for some love stories, leaned onto their counter and smirked. "Who is deciding this anyway?"

Anne felt her cheeks turning crimson, "Well, I-I but…"

"Actually, it was _me _who suggested this. It's easier being with someone who has no problem with my current state."

"O-oh, of c-course", Alice stammered and dropped her gaze, wiping invisible stains off their counter.

_Actually,_ it was none of them who decided this. It simply… well, _happened_. And Gilbert felt bad for misusing his amnesia against someone as kind as Alice, but this remark was just the final straw for today.

Having this constant feeling of missing such important pieces of his life _and_ his confusing sensations were already enough for Gilbert. He didn't need someone to gossip about them.

First he had to understand what was happening _himself_. Then they could talk all they like. He'd never minded town gossip anyway.

_But he just didn't understand it!_

Whenever he was around Anne, he would carry such a… _restlessness_ inside of him. He couldn't even really describe it.

In some way it reminded him of the time when they still used to go to school together, and he had yearned so desperately for her forgiveness. He had always felt as if only _one tiny little step_ would be separating them, and _yet_ he never reached her.

He had been _so _close and yet stuck in another world.

It was this kind of feeling which churned him up whenever she was around now. As if something wasn't quite right the way it was. As if something was missing or separating them.

It made him feel uneasy and left such a burning desire within him.

_But a desire for __**what**__?_

"Gil!" Anne's voice ripped him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" Startled he looked at her.

"We can go now", she smiled, "Everything's arranged."

_Yes, everything's arranged…_

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: That's all I ever wanted to mirror with my story – their bond, their closeness. So you couldn't have said anything about this chapter which would have made me happier! :) That's exactly the point! They needed each other from first day on! No matter if as "rivals" or friends or later on as lovers. They were the air they breathed! (A president is allowed to use cheesy lines ;P) I would say they were married even before they were born! And furthermore I'd say this sentence is MBP-wisdom! ;D Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe came into this world as wife and husband!

Amybf19: You understood my intention completely! :D

Guest: Thank you!

katherine-with-a-k: Splendid! Then I would like to have my percentage paid in stories! ;) Thank you for all your nice reviews. It means a lot to me!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

* * *

_**You know quite well, deep within you,**_

_**That there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...**_

_**And that is called loving.**_

_Hermann Hesse_

* * *

„Are you sure Diana won't see us?" Gilbert carried some festoons, following Anne. "You did realize this is _her_ garden, did you?"

Anne turned her head around and grinned at him, "Why haven't you told me sooner, Mister Blythe?"

He rolled his eyes, causing a chuckle to escape her mouth.

"Honestly Gil, Diana will shut herself in her bedroom the whole forenoon. I am supposed to hurry anyway to help her with her dress."

They reached the ladder beside the seats where Anne wanted to hang up the festoons.

"Why ever are you wearing your suit already, Gil?" She turned around to take the decorations from his hands. "It could get dirty you know, working with those flowers and all."

"No, I'll take care. I didn't have much choice anyway. Fred asked me to be his groomsman and help him with some things. I wouldn't have the time to go home before the wedding starts."

"He asked you to be his groomsman? I thought his brother was supposed to do that?"

"I know. He only asked me yesterday", Gilbert shrugged.

"Strange", Anne climbed the ladder, "Would you reach me one end?"

"Are you sure you want to do this, Anne?" He looked up at her, "It's pretty high. Let me do this."

She put her hands on her hips, "Gilbert Blythe, I'm quite capable of hanging up some decorations, thank you very much."

"Oh, it's not your capability I doubt, Anne. It's just quite high. And I am taller than you are. I don't want you to fall down."

"I won't." She wiggled her outstretched fingers, "Now give it to me. No need to hold my smallness against me."

He groaned and held it out to her, "I didn't even say you were sm-"

"Why Anne! I see you're already completely occupied!" Jane interrupted him as she walked by. "I saw we still need some tablecloths for the refreshments. I will go home and get some."

"Alright, Jane. Thank you."

"Do you want me to bring Sam along?"

Anne made a face, "Ha-ha."

Jane only snickered before leaving them alone again.

"Who's Sam?" Gilbert knit his brow.

"Oh, no one." Anne had fixed the first end and leaned down to get the other one from Gilbert.

"Jane just likes to tease me about it."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense", He looked up at her while she fiddled with the strings in attempt to tie a knot.

Anne sighed, "It's nothing, really. Sam was only some hired boy at Valley Road. I don't even know how Phil could tell her of this!"

He waited for her to continue, "…And _this _was already the funny part?"

"No…" She blushed, "Someday the ridiculous idea of proposing to me hit him."

"What?" His jaw dropped, "He _proposed_ to you?" Gilbert felt as if someone would have punched him in the stomach.

"But I didn't even know him at all!"

"Then why would he propose?" Was she keeping something from him? Whenever did she spend so much time with all those men?

"What would I know, Gil! Maybe he ate too much of his peppermints! Could we drop the topic now – _please_?"

Proposals weren't really the subject she loved to discuss with _Gilbert _of all people.

"Sure…" He couldn't deny some green liquid was spreading through his veins.

"Hm…", Gilbert mused to himself, "It sure feels like everyone proposed to everyone during those four years…"

First Diana and Fred, and then he learned of all those men who wanted a piece of Anne. Who knows what else was to come!

Who could say she _wasn't_ already in love with someone he didn't even know of! Gilbert caught his breath.

_But no_... How would she find so much time for him and all her activities, if there would be someone else she was in love with?

He shook his head in order to get rid of his tangled thoughts, and tried to lighten up the mood, "Well, you would have told me if I had to fear some fiancée of mine could suddenly appear, wouldn't you, Anne?"

Anne had just stood on her tiptoes on the last rung of the ladder - bending her body forward as far as possible so she would be able to reach the nail with her outstretched hand - as those innocent words left his mouth.

Innocent maybe to him. Worldshaking to her and her knowledge.

The blood froze in her veins and her eyes widened in shock. Terrified, she noticed how she lost her balance and tried to shift her weight back to the spoke, but it was already too late for that.

Together with the festoon she fell down, not even having the time for realizations or screams. With squinched shut eyes she waited for the impact. The pain.

The impact _did_ come, but not in the way she had expected to. _Without_ any pain.

Her heart hammered madly in her chest, racking fear still rushing through her veins.

"Anne!" His alarmed voice reached her mind.

Slowly she opened her eyes and stared right into his worried hazel ones. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Gilbert watched her with concern, the racing of his own heart so vigorously that he feared his chest would burst any moment.

He thought he wouldn't make it in time. He had seen her falling and… and he thought he had lost her.

But he had. Gilbert gulped. He _had_ caught her.

"Anne, are you alright?" He shifted her in his arms, feeling her body trembling.

She nodded, "Y-yes", her voice still shaken from the accident.

"Oh God…" she breathed out, waiting for her heartbeat to slow down. Without thinking she leaned her forehead against his chest.

Gilbert wanted to reply something soothingly, but was too distracted by fighting against his inner turmoil.

Something just happened, and he didn't know what. The very second she fell into his arms, it was as if something else, something heavy, fell onto his heart as well. It confused him. All of this confused him far too much. He felt a headache rising.

What was it that was tearing him apart?

"Gil?" her thin voice interrupted his thoughts.

He met her green eyes and couldn't remember that he would have ever been as close to her as he was right now. Her stunningly beautiful face lifted up to his, her anxious eyes resembling a stormy sea, her perfect nose with those teasing freckles on it, her rosy-tinted lips...

"Thank you…" She whispered.

Gilbert shook his head. He wanted to say that it was nothing. He wanted to set her back down onto the ground again. But neither his mouth nor his arms would listen to his mind.

He didn't _want _to set her down. This warm body pressed against his heart.

Bold whistling ripped them out of their moment. "Isn't _Fred_ supposed to do this with _Diana_?" Oliver Sloane grinned mischievously at them, causing a growl out of his brother's mouth.

Gilbert was too lost in his feelings, worry, and confusion to brisk up. His eyes returned to Anne.

"Are you alright?" he asked in a concerned voice to make sure if he could set her down.

"I think…"

"Oh just keep on ignoring us!" Charlie bleated and rushed past them, his brother following.

Gilbert rolled his eyes before slowly putting her back on her feet without letting go of her arms.

"And?"

"It's… I'm alright. Thank you." Her legs were still wobbly, but she didn't dare to say so. He shouldn't hold her any longer. She had the feeling that would make it only worse.

He raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"Really", she managed a smile.

Gilbert led her to the chairs. "And, have you learned something from your mishap, Miss Shirley?" He didn't know if it was her he was so desperately trying to distract or himself.

"Always ask Gilbert?"

"I can see your wit has stayed unharmed. Now please sit down on this seat and I will hang it up."

"Wait."

"What?"

"Your… your tie." Hesitantly she reached out to his collar. "It's… it's messed up", she whispered and only dared a brief glance at his eyes.

She adjusted it with a few small movements and draped his collar around it.

"Alright. Done." Her hands still on the fabric, she lifted her head to look at him, and both stopped breathing.

_Just one wrong move._

It was rushing through two minds, oblivious to each other.

_Just one wrong move._

Green dancing between hazel eyes, their chests rising and falling in unison.

_Just one wrong move._

They tore their eyes away from each other.

"I-I have to go to Diana!" Anne stepped backwards, "I-I, she's waiting for certain by now!"

Gilbert managed nothing but a nod, watching her lifting her skirt and dashing off.

_Just one wrong move._

_...And then what?_

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: Gil is a polite man, but he's no coward, and much less when HIS Anne's involved. Excuse me, I mean… his wifey ;D Haha, it would have been funny if Rachel would have appeared at that window! I guess he would have jumped into a hedge xD xD I hope I didn't disappoint you! :)

Amybf19: How kind! Thank _you_ for brightening my days with your reviews! :)


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

* * *

**_He went down trying not to look long at her, as though she were the sun,_**

**_But he saw her, as one sees the sun, without looking._**

_Leo Tolstoy_

* * *

As soon as the door closed behind Misses Barry, Anne lifted her hands to cup Diana's face in them.

"You look so divinely beautiful, Di", she smiled and a tear escaped her eyes, "No bride has _ever_ looked as beautiful as you." She kissed her cheek and they embraced.

Anne took her best friend's hands in hers after they parted, "Are you happy, Diana?"

"Oh yes, Anne!" She gave her a radiant smile and squeezed her hands. "And I can't wait for the day where it will be _you_ I say goodbye too."

Anne's smile disappeared from her face at those words. She didn't want to think of her own love life. She would never have one. And maybe it was simply meant for her to lead a life as maiden just as Marilla did…

"Diana! It's time!" Her mother called from downstairs.

The bosom friends looked one last time at each other, "You know I will never forgive Fred for stealing you from me."

"Nobody could ever steal me from you, Anne." She kissed her best friend before taking her wonderful bouquet of Jasmines in her hand.

Diana inhaled the smell and sighed, "How can I ever thank y-"

"You already did that three hundred times today, Di!" Anne laughed and shoved her friend through the door.

She followed Diana down the stairs, holding her long wedding dress up so she wouldn't stumble. "Will I simply follow you when you walk down the aisle?" It suddenly occurred her.

"No! Did I forget to tell you?" The young bride turned her head around, "You have to wait for Gilbert and then you two will walk down the aisle together. I will follow you with father."

"What?" Anne's jaw dropped, "B-but Di! If we go first all eyes will be upon us!"

Diana chuckled and continued her way down, "Then look at it as rehearsal."

"But Di…" Her objection trailed off as they reached the hall where Mister Barry offered his arm to his daughter and they walked together through the parlour.

_Splendid_… Anne rolled her eyes.

"Anne?" He stepped up to her from behind.

Surprised she turned around, facing Gilbert.

He had already looked handsome in his suit when they had set the last preparations, but now that it was really time for the wedding - the solemn air surrounding him, and one single pretty Jasmine sitting safely in his jacket pocket – he looked just like a protagonist in one of her books.

She didn't notice how his eyes travelled up and down her body, trying in amazement to capture the beauty standing before him. Anne looked just like a bride herself in her white lace dress, underlining every curve of her body just as it deserved.

There it was again, this feeling of restlessness. The urge to do something. _Anything._

"You, you look beautiful, Anne", he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Thank you", she blushed under his intensive eyes and dropped her gaze.

"Well," Gilbert cleared his throat, "Shall we?" He offered his arm and Anne placed her hand upon it, thanking.

They walked towards the backdoor, past Diana and Mister Barry who waited a few seconds before following Gilbert and Anne.

Entering the garden, they approached dozens of seats, excited guests filled with gleeful anticipation waiting for the wedding.

Walking in lockstep, Anne forced herself to only look straight ahead. Heat rose inside of her as she felt all those curious eyes upon her. The warm presence of Gil's arm almost unbearable. She noticed Marilla and Rachel Lynde out of the corner of her eyes, but didn't dare a single glance at them.

Soon they were all gathered around the altar, Anne and Gilbert standing at Diana's side, Minnie May and Fred's little brother at the groom's.

Anne felt tears rising as the couple spoke their marriage vows, and the first one escaped only moments after. She looked down at herself, being used to have either pockets or a purse with her, but today all she held in her hand was the white bouquet of Jasmines, a smaller replica of Diana's.

Now she had no choice but to simply let them run…

Astonished she felt a hand brushing hers, realizing Gilbert was offering his handkerchief in the most clandestine and considerate way.

No one else would have ever noticed such a need. But why should she be surprised? Gilbert always noticed the smallest things.

Thankfully she took it from his fingers and dabbed her tears.

"Anne!" as soon as the ceremony was over and the people started dispersing or trying to reach Diana and Fred to congratulate them, Marilla rushed to her girl. "You looked so beautiful!" She grasped her hands and squeezed them, pride and love shining through her strained eyes.

Anne returned the smile radiantly. There were few things making her as happy as seeing Marilla being proud of her.

"Indeed", Rachel Lynde joined their little group, looking first at Gilbert then at Anne. "One could have almost thought you two were the bridal couple yourself."

Anne's cheeks burned mortified.

"Rachel," Marilla hissed, letting go of Anne, "stop talking such nonsense."

"What? I was only saying how nice and matching they looked."

Anne felt Gilbert's eyes on her and stared down at the ground, rubbing her arms awkwardly.

The sudden rising tune of the first dance put an end to Anne's torture.

They all turned around and watched how Fred led Diana towards the centre of their pavilion - taking her hand in his, placing one arm around her waist - and then their feet started slowly moving along to the music.

Anne studied Diana's face. Her best friend, the bride. She could see that she was happy. She'd always dreamt of getting married, and this was her day - her very own special day that only belonged to her.

But where was the love flying like sparks between them? Where was the passion? And where was this one glance telling the world that come what may, it didn't matter because I found the love of my life?

More and more couples joined bride and groom. Anne pondered if she should go over to the refreshments to avoid any invitation. She wasn't in the mood to dance. There was so much going on in her head right now.

She wanted to excuse herself as Misses Lynde's voice interrupted her thoughts once again.

"Won't you ask her to dance, Gilbert?"

Anne's eyes widened in shock. Was this woman trying to bring her to her grave?

"Rachel…" Marilla hissed, glancing apologetically at the red-haired girl.

"What! Everyone knows, it _is_ custom for the bridesmaid and groomsman to dance together!"

"Rachel, can't you just leave those two alone."

"Why is everyone always talking to me as if I would deliver some bad news!" Misses Lynde stuck her nose up, "I was only pointing out. And everyone knows that it is bad luck if a custom is being broken!"

"Wherever would you have heard such nonsense, Rachel?" The two women glared at each other.

Anne was racking her brain how she could escape this dreadful situation, as a feathery touch brushed her bare arm.

Hesitantly she lifted her head, looking into his uncertain face.

"Would you _want _to dance?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

For some moments she just watched him, pondering what to reply. She could tell that he had gathered all his courage for asking.

Finally she smiled shyly and gave him a light nod.

Without giving Marilla and Misses Lynde another glance, he took her hand and led her towards the dancing couples.

They stopped as they reached the centre, and for some moments looked uncertain at each other. Gilbert knew he had to pull himself together and make the first move, so he lifted her hand he had still been holding and placed his free one on her waist, pulling her closer to him.

He waited tensely until Anne had put her small hand on his shoulder, and looked into her green-grey eyes once more to reassure himself she was ready, before making the first step.

As soon as their feet moved to the music, the nervousness fell off their bodies and minds. Anne felt herself relaxing in his hold.

The couples around them disappeared in a blur, all they still perceived was each other. Even the sound of the music merged somehow with the beat of their hearts, until nothing else existed on this world but those two.

It took Gilbert some time to find his voice again. The whole day he had been thinking about what had happened. About that strange feeling that hit him with such a force as she fell into his arms.

And now that she was in his arms once again, he could feel it rising all over, but not in this tearing, tormenting, but more in a completing way. As if this feeling would fill a gasp inside of him.

"Is this our first dance?" He finally broke their silence to keep himself from thinking further.

Anne needed some moments to shake her thoughts off and arrive in the here and now, "No."

"Oh…" He somehow regretted forgetting his first dance with Anne. He wouldn't want to forget anything concerning her.

The blood rushed to his cheeks as his fingers moved on their own accord a little farther on her back, bringing her even closer.

"And… am I a good dancer?" He wanted to be funny and break this tension inside of him, but it turned out much cornier than he had intended to. Gilbert wished he could smack himself.

Anne smirked, "Gilbert Blythe, you will not manage to use your amnesia to get some compliments out of me."

"Oh", he mused before a mischievous smile started curling his lips, "So, it would have been a compliment, huh?"

She chuckled and looked down at the ground for some moments, trying to control the pounding of her heart, before she dared to meet his hazel eyes again, "I have two feet and I'm not afraid to use them."

Gilbert laughed, "Message arrived, Miss Shirley. I learned what I wanted to know anyway." He gave her an impish wink.

"I did not-" Anne blushed terribly, "I did not say anything of this kind!"

He briefly looked down and tried to control his smile. He loved the thrilling feeling he got whenever he made her blush.

_Blush…_

Somewhere deep inside of him it rang a bell, and Gilbert shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Are you alright?" Anne watched him with concern, squeezing the hand she held unconsciously.

"Huh? Oh yes. I just, I just felt some headache rising. I suppose it was a long day."

"It was…" she whispered.

Both knew they were thinking exactly the same thing, which only made it harder to stay in each other's arm, feeling the heat and tension so vigorously.

It wasn't until applause rose around them, they noticed that the song had trailed off. Reluctantly they let go off each other. First their fingers, clasped in a tight embrace. Then their hands, holding onto each other bodies. And at last their eyes, whispering goodbye to each other.

"I-I think I will take a few strides" Gilbert mumbled.

Anne watched his expression sorrowful, "I can come with you?"

"Oh no, thank you Anne. I-I won't be long. I'm sure Diana is looking everywhere for you." How should he get his thoughts off her if she would follow him?

"Alright…" She couldn't hide a bit of disappointment in her voice. She had secretly wished they would stay together today. Then she wouldn't have to be afraid of unpleasant faces or invitations.

She watched Gilbert walking away and sighed. She really _should_ go finding Diana.

The next few hours flew by in a haze. Most of the time Anne stayed near Diana, helping her with all the presents she got or with the adjustments on her dress and hair she needed from time to time. She was glad she could keep her bosom friend company and avoid any more dances today. She probably wouldn't have been bold enough to decline, but it would have felt like a trap to her.

Everything went smoothly, Diana's day was as perfect as she had always dreamt of. The meals were delicious, all the guests happy, the music stirring and whole Avonlea agreed that this was the most beautiful decorated wedding they've ever been on. Every single time a compliment fell, Anne was rewarded by a kiss from Diana.

After what felt like only minutes, dusk reached Avonlea, the first stars twinkling on the sky as if greeting and wishing the bridal couple all the luck in the world.

For the first time of that long day, Anne felt how tiredness was creeping upon her. Maybe even a hint of melancholia for all the lost days of her childhood. The childhood she had spent with her Diana. Her Diana, who has now left childhood forever. And soon would have children of her own…

"Di…" She interrupted the couple's gift-opening ceremony.

The bride looked up at her, "Yes?"

"I would go for a short stroll to get some fresh air. Do you need me?"

"Oh no no, Anne, I'm sure I will manage a few moments without you after everything you've done for us today." Fred nodded agreeing.

"Good," Anne smiled and bent over to give her best friend a peck on her cheek, before standing up and making her way through all the people and chairs.

Her first intuition was to seek out the shelter of Barry's big cherry trees, being sure nobody would have walked all the way form the centre of the celebration to the serenity of those silent companions.

But Anne couldn't have been more wrong. It looked like all the courting couples had felt the urge to be alone somewhere. And "somewhere" turned out to be leaned on sturdy tree trunks.

Their intimate sight reinforced the feeling of melancholia only, and Anne felt how the fresh breeze was getting under her skin, reaching her heart.

Disheartened she continued her way towards their big house, hoping to find some moments of loneliness at least there.

Seeing that the front porch really _was _abandoned and nothing but the light streaming from the festoons would keep her company, she leisurely climbed the stairs. Anne walked over to the white railing to support her arms on it, while watching the sky above her turning darker and darker, and the festivity below brighter and more frolicsome. The faint sound of laughter and music reaching her ears.

"Anne?"

Startled she turned around, seeing Gilbert stepping out of the house. "Gil. What are you doing here?" Her heart made a jump in her chest.

He stepped closer, "I was just stowing some presents away. Making sure the … merry guests won't damage anything."

"Oh, I see." Her eyes returned to the sight before her as he came up beside her, leaning on the railing as well.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

Anne moved her shoulders up and down, "Only breathing in some fresh air. Getting away from the crowd for some minutes."

"I understand."

He noticed how she rubbed her arms incessantly, "Are you cold, Anne?" He couldn't really imagine how she couldn't be, wearing only her thin lace dress with those short sleeves.

It was warm being in the middle of the pavillon penned in between all those people, but out here it was getting rather chilly.

"No", she shook her head and immediately placed her hands upon the railing again to reinforce her words.

She didn't really know if she liked him being here with her. The whole afternoon she had longed for his company and the chance to share some remarks sparkling on her tongue with someone. But now that they were alone, his closeness was too much for her.

He confused her. Sometimes she didn't know if she was talking to the twenty-three year old Gil who wanted her to be his wife, or to the nineteen-year old boy.

Surprised she felt a warm fabric being draped around her shoulders and looked up.

"I don't want you to catch a cold", he adjusted it once more before letting go and forcing his eyes to return to the activities in the garden.

Anne's cheeks burned as she noticed his faint scent reaching her sense. Gilbert had a somewhat warm and sweet yet at the same time manly and earthy one. She tilted her head, feigning to scratch her cheek on his collar as she breathed in this scent.

As she realized what she had just done, she lifted her head immediately, her cheeks by now on fire.

"They looked happy, didn't they?"

She couldn't have been more relieved as he broke the dangerous silence.

Anne cleared her throat before answering, "Yes. Yes, they did." She looked down at her hands on the wooden railing. "Though…"

Why didn't she think before she spoke? She shouldn't say such thoughts aloud!

"Though what?" Curiously he turned his face towards her.

Anne shrugged. "Nothing. It was just some weird thought…"

"I'm always open for weird thoughts", he tried to joke and smiled at her.

A chuckle escaped her mouth as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "Well…"

"…Yes?"

She dared a glance at him and realized that she had to say it now anyway. "Well. I can see that they are happy. I mean, I'm speaking mostly for Diana. This was how she always imagined it. I can see that she is happy and that her dreams are fulfilled. Well, most of them."

"…But?" Gilbert pressed forward, confused where her thoughts might lead.

"I don't know. It's just… Well…" Tensely she moved her shoulders up and down and became even more aware of his warmth draped around her.

"It's just. You see. All those years we always dreamt of how it would be and how _he _would be. And I know Diana told me her ideals changed and I do respect that and I believed her when she told me she fell in love with Fred."

"Yes?"

"But, but when I saw them dancing! Or speaking their vows to each other, it was like something big was missing!" Her voice grew louder than Anne had intended to and embarrassed she dropped her gaze.

Gilbert knit his brow, "Something like what?"

"I don't know… It's nothing you can really grasp. It's, it's the way two people look at each other! How their eyes speak for their hearts." Anne blushed even harder at her outspoken words.

Why did she have to be so downright honest with him? Why could she never keep anything from him!

"Now, I see." Gilbert pondered a few moments what he should reply. He tried to remember the way Diana and Fred looked at each other during this day.

"Do you think they are truly in love?" She interrupted his search.

She wished nothing more than that, but there was something inside of her that kept her from believing it.

"Yes. In fact, I _do _believe that."

"Really?" Surprised she looked at him. She hadn't really expected an answer from him at all.

"Yes. I mean I can only speak of Fred, how anxious he was and all. The way he spoke about Diana. I really do believe that they love each other. I just think…"

"Yes?" With eyes wide open she waited for him to continue.

"Well, I just think that love doesn't show itself always the same way, Anne. I think it also depends on the people feeling it."

He didn't meet her eyes while speaking. Gilbert knew he couldn't go in, if he would. "Take you for example. You are a very passionate person, a romantic, you always try to live every day to its fullest and follow your dreams. But Diana and Fred, they are much calmer. Especially Fred. Sometimes he's so still and quiet that I wonder if he's feeling anything at all. But being with him today made me realize that he is indeed. His feelings simply don't show themselves on the surface very often."

Anne pondered about his words. She wouldn't have expected a boy would reflect about feelings and love that much.

"And you?" It slipped from her tongue even before she could think about it.

"Me?" Confused he looked at her.

"I mean…" She dropped her gaze, licking her lips, "What are you of all those things?"

"Oh." He smiled, "Well… I don't know. I suppose something in-between. I mean, it had never occurred to me to play the Lily Maid…" he trailed off and looked impishly at her from the corner of his eyes.

Anne laughed and blushed simultaneously, feeling butterflies awakening in her stomach. Or was it her heart?

"I wouldn't even know how you know it…" she mumbled to herself without realizing it.

Gilbert thought he must have heard wrong, but couldn't keep himself from asking nevertheless.

"How you know you love someone?" He whispered, the intimacy of his spoken words like a vow of love itself.

Anne shuddered and brought his jacket even closer around her, what didn't ease her anxiety at all.

_She was trapped._ She had trapped herself.

She wanted Gilbert to forget it for all time, she wanted nothing but his friendship, and now she had been so incredible stupid and naïve to speak about love with him!

Him of all people!

She didn't reply, she only looked away, but Gilbert didn't need more than that.

"Well… I would have always thought…"

Anne's heart stopped beating as she realized he was going to answer her question. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to know what it was he had felt once for her. And yet her heart desired nothing but to hear those words.

"I don't know…" He lifted his gaze, watching the rising moon and twinkling stars, "I would have always imagined… that you would think about this person. All the time. And that you want to be near that person. And that whatever happens in your life, you want to share it with her. And if you can't, then it's worth nothing."

Where did all of this come from? Why would he know all of this? Had he ever read such a thing?

"And suddenly… your greatest fear isn't any more to lose your own life, but to lose her."

Anne felt a tear crawling down her cheek and wiped it away immediately. She felt her heart shattering in her chest. Felt the pieces swimming through her veins.

_Was this the way he used to feel for her?_

Someone had really loved her so deeply and it was the wrong one? And now he lost all this memories of his love… and someday would maybe feel it for someone else.

She looked startled at Gilbert as he stumbled one step back.

"Are you alright?" She touched his arm and he looked flabbergasted first at her hand and then at her.

"I-I. Yes. I just. I felt a headache rising again. It, um, happens from time to time since the- the accident."

"Should I get someone, Gil?" Worried she watched him, afraid he could suddenly collapse.

"No!" He managed to give her a smile, removing her hand from his arm, "I'm, I'm alright. Fine. It was just, I guess it was a long day. I think it will be the best if I drive home."

"Are you sure?" She didn't feel very well at that thought at all. Suddenly he seemed so confused and pale to her.

"Yes, really." For some moments he lost himself in her green orbs, stars reflecting in them.

"Goodnight, Anne," he finally whispered, tearing his gaze off her.

"Good-goodnight, Gil", before she could actually realize it, he had already left her.

The warmth of his body still wrapped around her shoulders.

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: Hm… looks like your crossed fingers work magic! ;)

Amybf19: Thank you! :D *blush*

katherine-with-a-k: Merci beaucoup ;D


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

* * *

_**Love her, love her, love her!**_

_**If she favours you, love her.**_

_**If she wounds you, love her.**_

_**If she tears your heart to pieces – and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper –**_

_**Love her, love her, love her!**_

_Charles Dickens_

* * *

Anne looked meaningfully at Diana from the corner of her eyes as they walked arm in arm towards town.

"What?" Diana laughed, "Stop looking at me like that, Anne!"

Anne groaned, "But this is so cruel of you, Di! You never told me how the first days were! As finally being a wife."

Diana blushed and looked down at the ground, biting her lips.

"Alright, alright", Anne let out a sigh, "I will not ask further. For _today_. But someday you have to fill me in, Di! It's simply not fair to have a married bosom friend who is as silent as a stone."

The newly wed woman chuckled, twirling her wedding band unconsciously as she used to do ever since Fred had slipped it onto her finger.

"You know Anne, you have to form your own opinion anyway. No matter how much I will tell you."

Anne rolled her eyes, feeling a twist in her stomach.

"Apropos your own opinion", the black-haired looked mischievously at her best friend. "Have you ever seen Gilbert since the wedding? We still wanted to thank him for his help and all."

"Where's the 'apropos' in there, Di!" Anne pouted but decided to not dwell on it. First off she was used to Diana's remarks concerning Gil since almost ten years. And furthermore would it only upset herself, nothing else.

"No. I haven't seen him since the wedding."

"What?" Diana stopped and looked confused at Anne, "Are you serious?"

"Why, of course I'm serious. Why would I lie to you about that?"

"No. I mean, I didn't think you lied. It's just… you've seen each other almost every day the weeks before."

"Yes, I know… I even still have his jacket."

Diana knit her brow, "His jacket?"

"Yes." Anne blushed and lowered her voice even though they were still a few hundreds away from town, "He gave it to me on your wedding. We were talking outside... and it was getting rather crisp…"

"Oh." Diana studied Anne's facial expression in search for any signs of affection, "How… thoughtful of him."

"Yes…" Anne tried to shake the upcoming emotions off her mind, "Well, I mean I couldn't very well walk through Avonlea with his jacket in my hand, right? Somebody would get the wrong idea. I was sure he would come by someday… and then I could have given it to him."

"But he did not?" Her best friend pressed forward.

Anne shook her head, not trusting her voice completely.

"Oh. But… did something happen?"

"No…" Memories of that fateful day rushed through her mind, shaking Anne. She had tried so hard to forget their conversation about love. It kept her sleepless for _some _hours… "I mean, except that he got a headache and decided to drive home."

"Uh…" Diana bit her lips. Ever since the day she finally heard the tale of Gilbert's proposal, she had always tried to not approach this subject. But ever since she had seen them on her wedding… dancing together… it was _so hard_ to not say anything. Even Fred had mentioned it to her and wanted to know if Gilbert would ask Anne to marry him!

"Anne, have you read the book I've given you?"

"What? What book?"

"You know, 'Emma'. I lent it to you one or two weeks ago."

"Oh my! I'm sorry, Diana. I completely forgot that I still have it!"

"That's alright. I just… You should really read it, Anne."

"Alright", she chuckled and touched Diana's hand which was resting upon her arm, "If my bosom friend recommends it, then I _have_ to read it."

They've reached the centre of the town by now, heading for Lawson's General where Diana wanted to buy fabric so she could sew some new shirts for Fred. Now that they were married, she was determined that he shouldn't wear his bachelor clothes anymore.

"Though it is mighty strange to see you so persistent about a book, Di. Normally that would be _my _part. Tell me, what is it that-"

Anne stopped dead – both speaking and walking – as the door of the post office swung open and a laughing Gilbert appeared, holding it open for a girl she had never seen before.

A very beautiful, slender girl - she had to admit - with light brown hair which shimmered in the sun, eyes like a deer and a pearly white smile. She wore a pale yellow dress with short sleeves and ribbons all on the right place.

Diana looked puzzled at her best friend as she wouldn't continue, before following her gaze. Her jaw dropped as she witnessed how a - to her unknown - girl placed her hand upon Gilbert's arm.

Alarmed she looked back at Anne, trying to figure out what was going on in her mind.

_She couldn't believe her eyes._ Anne couldn't believe her eyes. So that's _how_ in love he had been with her! Now she knew it for all eternity! And she had wasted her tears for him! Thinking that he was truly hurt, and that he _meant _all those things he said about being in love!

But as soon as some other new girl arrived she was forgotten! Forgotten was his boring chum Anne Shirley. He didn't even bother to come by and get his jacket! He probably would buy a new jacket anyway to match her clothes according to the latest fashion!

Anne clenched her teeth so hard that her jaw started hurting. She had been right all along. Every word she had said to Diana had now turned out to be the truth.

Gilbert Blythe had simply lost himself in some silly schoolboy-crush, thinking he could really love her. When it was such an elegant, perfect girl that would have always been meant for him.

Anne stuck her nose up in the air and started walking again. Why shouldn't she? If she was allowed to go through Avonlea with _her_ friend on her arm, so was Gilbert! It was none of her business.

"So, did you already choose the colours, Diana?" Anne tried to act as if she wasn't even aware of his presence.

"What?" Diana was so confused about the whole situation that she couldn't follow Anne's thoughts.

"The colours. You know for the-"

"Anne. Diana." His friendly voice interrupted her.

She lifted her head, trying to look as surprised and unaffected as possible, "Why Gilbert! We haven't even seen you!"

"Hello, Gilbert", Diana bit her bottom lip tensely.

"Oh", he knit his brow at her strange reaction. "Um, this is Maryanne", he turned his face towards the girl – still holding her arm – "Maryanne, these are Anne and Diana. Two school-friends of mine."

_School-friends_. Right. Anne sniffed at it. She had to control herself to not scream in the middle of the street that _she's_ the person he had _proposed _to!

"Oh, how nice to meet you both!" The girl removed her hand from Gilbert's arm and reached it out to Anne and Diana. "Gilbert has told me quite a few nice stories about his friends!" She chuckled.

Anne felt the urge to roll her eyes. This girl spoke as if she would know Gil since forever! Which hardly could be, since she had never seen her with him! And furthermore was it _unbearable_ how nice and friendly she was!

"Oh, did he?" Anne glared at Gilbert after letting go of Maryanne's hand.

Diana smiled apologetically at the brunette as they shook hands, and both turned their heads to watch the strange glances Anne and Gilbert were giving each other.

In fact, it looked as if they would have forgotten for some moments that they weren't alone here, as Anne tried to tell him through her eyes what she thought of his sudden change of heart, while he explored her green orbs trying to read her feelings.

"So, um", Diana wanted to break the awkward silence, feeling sorry for the foreign girl, "how do you know each other, Gilbert?"

He needed some moments to take his eyes off Anne, "Huh? Oh, um, Maryanne's mother is an old friend of my mother. They are passing through and decided to stay some days in Avonlea."

"Gilbert was so nice and offered me to show me around a little bit. I don't know anybody here. My mother moved away after school."

"Oh, then I hope you'll have a few nice days here. Maybe we'll run into each other again."

"That would be just lovely." She smiled at Diana and stepped back to Gilbert.

"Well, then we'll see each other", Gil's words were supposed to be addressed to both, Diana and Anne, but his eyes remained on the latter one. "Goodbye, Diana. Anne."

"Goodbye you two."

"Goodbye…" Anne tore her gaze off his hazel eyes - wanting to be the first one who broke the contact. She waited for Diana to link arms with her again and continued their walk towards Lawson's General without even paying Gilbert and _his _Maryanne one last glance.

Gilbert sighed as he looked after her. Trying to regain control over his racing thoughts.

Astonished he met Maryanne's curious eyes as she placed her hand on his arm once again. For some moments he had completely forgotten that he wasn't alone.

"Is she her?"

He started walking as he felt his cheeks burning, "Is who what?" Gilbert tried to sound as innocent as possible.

"Is she the girl who stole your heart?"

"You ask rather bold questions, Mary. Diana got married mere days ago."

"I wasn't talking about Diana."

Gilbert let out a bitter chuckle and kicked a pebble out of his way.

"Oh come on", she tugged his sleeve, "I told you about Benjamin!"

"Yes, but I didn't even ask!"

She raised her eyebrows at him, making clear she wouldn't let him change the topic _that _easily. Gilbert groaned, "Why do you even assume someone would have stolen my heart?"

She shrugged, turning her face towards the road before her, "I don't know. It's like, ever since I walk around without one, I recognize everyone with the same agony."

Gilbert had the urge to roll his eyes. That was so typical of her. The girl always used to say _every _thought aloud that came into her mind. Unfiltered. No matter _how_ pathetic.

But not in the way Anne was able to speak about things for hours. Anne always searched for words to describe the beauty _surrounding_ her - she never wanted to give people a closer look inside _herself_.

Maryanne on the other hand, had somehow never learned when to stay quiet.

But she had always been that way. All those eighteen years he already knew her. Gilbert still remembered how he had looked into her crib, with the curious eyes of a four year old boy - for the first time in his life perceiving a baby this close. And he still remembered how he had wished for a baby brother he could play with, or even a baby sister he could tease and protect. And somehow Maryanne had always stood for this wish. No matter how seldom they used to see each other, no matter how many years between their visits, to Gilbert she always resembled the little sister he never had. And he was pretty sure she somehow saw him as her big brother as well. Even though it had been already more than five years since the last time they've seen each other.

Her eyes returned to him, twinkling mischievously, "Besides, I may be younger than you and not even half as bright, but I'm not blind. I've seen the way you looked at her. And you never looked at anyone this way before."

Gilbert hung his head, scratching his neck irritated, "Mary, I-"

"_Marry Anne_."

"What?" He looked confused at her, "I know your name, I always called you-"

Then it finally sunk in and he grimaced, "Yes. Very funny."

"Oh come on!" She slapped his shoulder, "Won't you tell me the story?" Her words were dripping with nosiness.

Gilbert rolled his eyes, he could deny everything, but he was too tired for that. "Please. Maybe some other time, alright?"

The weary sound of his voice caused her to look at him closer, "Alright", she finally whispered and returned her gaze to the street.

Astonished he watched her, Gilbert wasn't used to Maryanne giving in that easily.

"What?" She finally laughed, "I _can_ be sensitive you know. Especially around someone who has a broken heart."

Gilbert opened his mouth to object, but decided to let it be. He _did_ carry a broken heart around, why denying it?

Indeed it wasn't just some broken heart; it was a broken heart which had been thinking it would be whole again, dancing around in this world without a care, before slipping from her hand all over again. This time shattering for good.

The memories had hit him on Sunday like a hurricane. Like a gigantic wave that washed him away.

One second everything had been alright, his heart beating normally – well as normally as it would around Anne – and then –

'_And suddenly… your greatest fear isn't anymore to lose your own life, but to lose her,' _It resounded in his head.

As soon as those words had left his lips – a door opened he hadn't even known existed.

A door behind which all his memories, all those years, all the laughter and all the tears, all the blushes, all the touches, every smile, every skip of his heart, every hope, every dream, every desire, every wish, every pain, every chip of his shattered heart, every secret, every piece of this inexpressible love he felt for this girl crashed down onto him.

_Burying him underneath._

The impact had been so forcefully that he had almost lost his balance and stumbled back. He had felt as if two worlds would have crashed into each other, trying to fit all over again.

He needed to get away from her, her hand on his arm burning like fire, her friendly voice stinging like a cut. He wanted to get away from this pain, from these memories, from this piercing sound his shattered heart had caused inside of him.

The first night had been a sleepless one. Gilbert hadn't even tried to get a wink of sleep. There was so much he had to think about, so much he had to understand.

It was as if hundreds of pieces of a broken image were lying before him, and he had to put it together again. Reuniting the Gilbert who had been rejected by her with the Gilbert who had been her companion in all those weeks of his amnesia.

At some point he felt as if his head would going to explode. _If only it would have._

So many questions were rushing through his mind. So many doubts. He went through all their encounters once again, now with the knowledge of his past.

Suddenly he understood her hesitance beside his bed. Suddenly he understood why she had tried to avoid topics as proposals and beaus so hard around him. Suddenly he understood why Josie's words had hurt her so.

He understood Anne's fight to keep him from remembering. All at once it was crystal clear to him.

And the funny part about it was - Well, as funny as a story its ending was a broken heart could be - that he didn't feel the slightest hint of anger towards Anne anymore.

Not as he used to do after she refused his love. Not as he used to do as he lost his memories.

Because suddenly Gilbert understood how much he meant to her. How afraid she was to lose him and his friendship a second time. Suddenly he understood that it wasn't her fault that she didn't return his feelings. That she _did_ truly love him, but not the way he wanted her to.

Suddenly he knew, that they were simply not meant to be.

He hadn't known how to face her after he regained his memories. That's why he had stayed back. Fortunately Maryanne even gave him a reason to do so.

First he had to learn to control his emotions towards Anne all over again. He didn't want to scare her away a second time.

For now he simply wouldn't tell her that he knew what happened. Gilbert didn't know how he should keep this lie upright or for how long, but the one thing he _did _know was that he didn't want to lose her once more.

Even if friendship was all he would ever get from her, what he had said to her was the truth -

_Gilbert rather ran around with a shattered heart in his chest, than without her by his side._

* * *

**AN:** Amybf19: Now you know! ;D Thank you so much!

Dannie Merlot: Well, they never take the most obvious road in life, do they? ;) *quoting Anne shamelessly*

SailorLeia: Thank you for all your sweet words (the rest will reach you via PM (this 8 gigabyte memory card wasn't K-rated-suitable ^^)) _and _I wanted to thank you for inspiring me with our conversation about Jane Austen! Especially Emma! Who needs Ami-chan's notes when they got you, dear Senshi sister! :)

kbmjp: Thank you for your feedback and ideas! The cornerstones of my story are already built; the rest is up to Anne and Gil themselves. So let yourself surprised ;)

katherine-with-a-k: Your review was like a poem to my heart! Thank you SOSO much! :)

RHrGreatness: All Maryanne-credit goes to you! You made her alive inside my mind! :) And you're _always_ allowed to use your finger-cross-magic on my stories, dear Mr. CCT! ;)


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

* * *

_**If I loved you less,**_

_**I might be able to talk about it more.**_

_Jane Austen_

* * *

'_Dear Diary, today I tried not to think about Mr. Knightly. I tried not to think about him when I discussed the menu with Cook... I tried not to think about him in the garden where I thrice plucked the petals off a daisy to acertain his feelings for Harriet. I don't think we should keep daisies in the garden, they really are a drab little flower.'_

Anne leaned her head against the sturdy sheltering apple-tree, giving the words some time to sink in. She too had never thought of him ever since the wedding. And even less than never since they ran into each other in town.

She had not thought of him as she removed the little Jasmine from the pocket of his jacket to put it into a tiny vase and place it on her windowsill.

She had not thought of him as she woke up early from a restless night and helped Marilla preparing the breakfast.

She had not thought of him as she wandered through the forest, a penetrating bird strangely singing his name over and over again.

"…_And I tried not to think about him when I went to bed, but something had to be done"_, Anne whispered the next sentence to herself.

"Anne."

Startled she let out a shriek and almost threw the book away, before she realized what a mistake that would have been and shoved it away - between the soft grass and the fabric of her skirt.

"I'm sorry", Gilbert chuckled, approaching her. "What have you been reading?" Curiously he looked down at her, searching for whatever it was that had captured her so mere moments ago.

"Uh, nothing", she replied, feeling how the heat was rushing through her body.

"What do you mean 'nothing'? You just read something", confused, even a little amused, he leaned one shoulder against the trunk and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Um, yes yes, but it was nothing important. Only some book Diana wanted me to read."

Before he could ask any further, Anne lifted her head to look up at him "You make me nervous, hovering over me like that."

"Oh", Gilbert bit his lips, he hadn't intended to come any nearer for now. It had taken him almost one week to gather the courage to face her alone, but that didn't mean he was stronger than his desires or aches inside his heart.

Looking into her sparkling green-grey eyes, he knew he had lost this battle before it had even begun, and sat down beside her, making sure their arms wouldn't touch.

"So…" Anne licked her lips. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to approach this subject. But somehow she had to know what it was that connected Gilbert to this girl. "You… have been busy this week, huh?"

"Yes", Gilbert took a grass stalk between his fingers, twirling it around, "I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner."

"Oh, there's no need to be sorry", Anne dropped her gaze, trying to sound as unaffected as possible, "We didn't have an appointment or the like. It's not like you are in my debt."

_No, of course not._ Gilbert inhaled sharply, trying to regain control over this pain inside of him. It was not as if they would somehow belong to each other. Everybody could to whatever they desired…

"Are your guests still in Avonlea?"

"Huh?" Gilbert needed a few moments to follow her thoughts. Unlike her, to him the reasons why they haven't seen each other _weren't_ connected to Maryanne and her mother. "Oh, yes. They will take the train on Monday."

"Oh…" Anne felt a strange fuming sensation rising inside her, "She… seemed to be a nice girl."

"Uh-huh. She is", he replied absent-mindedly.

Anne was slowly getting frustrated with him. Why did he make such a secret out of this girl? "How do you even spell her name? Like Robin Hood's 'Marian'?"

Gilbert was a little confused about how persistent she was concerning this topic. It didn't really make the most interesting one, "Um, no. Like Mary and Anne. With an E." He remembered the silly joke Maryanne had made and felt the blood rushing to his cheeks.

"Uh…" _Anne with an E_.

Now that the feeling grew stronger, she could clearly identify it as envy. Envious of the name of course. Maryanne was like her name - only covered in a beautiful dress! Not like plain, unromantic 'Anne'!

Suddenly she had the intense desire to remind him that _she _had been once the person he wanted to be close to. The one he had shared all his thoughts and secrets and schemes with. "I still have your jacket. You must not forget it, Gil."

"Oh yes, right." How could he have forgotten that? Of course he had not. But Gilbert wasn't sure if it was a good idea to get this jacket back. The only witness of this fateful night. But not only that. By now it would be completely covered in her scent, and he didn't know if his heart would bear this bittersweet souvenir.

Anne watched Gilbert as he seemed completely lost in his thoughts. _When had things become so complicated between them anyway?_

Well, this wasn't the right question really; their relationship had been complicated from day one. Could it start any more disastrous than being humiliated in front of the whole class and breaking a slate over a strange boy's head? _Hardly._

But still. Even their rivalry - or however she should call those years in which she refused so forcefully to forgive Gilbert Blythe – seemed so easy and comfortable to her now. They somehow had been connected from the very first second, it only showed in a very peculiar manner.

And when she finally had overcome her own pride - forgiving Gilbert for good - and they became friends – if they haven't been in some very strange way before – it felt like such a gift to her.

When she had been little, all Anne had ever dreamt of – well beside a _real_ home and family – was to have a bosom friend, a kindred spirit who would be like a sister to her. And she had found her in Diana - her sister by heart. Anne knew, Diana would always be there for her if she would stumble on her road. If everything would fall down, she could always turn to her best friend and find shelter.

_But Gilbert was like… Gilbert was like…_ Anne pondered.

Gilbert was a kindred spirit like no one else. Sometimes it even scared her how he was able to read her mind. How he thought of the very same thing at the very same second.

He challenged her like nobody else. He brought the worst sides inside her to the surface, because nobody got under her skin like he did. But he also brought out her best sides - sides she hadn't even known existed. It was as if he would be the keeper of some keys which opened doors inside her that would have always remained close otherwise.

_Gilbert was like raging storm and safe haven in one person._

He was the one she sometimes feared the most, and yet at the same time she could never stay away from him.

Why couldn't they be children all over again? Why did they have to grow up and change? Gilbert would have never proposed to her if he would have simply stayed the boy who had called her 'Carrots'.

This boy with the mischievous twinkling eyes... the red and still a bit chubby cheeks... those curly brown hairs peeking out under his cheeky lopsided cap...

"What?" Gilbert patted his hair, thinking some leaf or the like must have fallen onto him, as she continued to stare at him.

Anne blushed as she realized she had watched him blatantly the whole time.

"Do I have something on my head?"

"Uh-uh. No", awkwardly she smoothed out her skirt and blouse. She understood she had to save this situation somehow or else he could misinterpret the looks she had given him, "Um, I only, uh, I just remembered your cap."

"My… _cap_?" Puzzled he raised his eyebrows.

"Yes", determined she kept her eyes on the trees in front of her, "You know, the one you always wore in school."

"Oh", he knit his brow, "What is with my cap?"

"Nothing", Anne shrugged, "I just noticed you haven't worn it for a very long time."

"Oh. Uh. Well, that's true."

"Why not?" She finally dared to meet his eyes again, this question suddenly feeling like the greatest concern.

"Well", he moved his shoulders up and down, pondering, "I don't know. I suppose I simply grew out of it. Just like you grew out of your pigtails."

"Oh…"

"You don't miss it, do you?" He tilted his head, looking teasingly at her.

"What?" Mortified she felt her face burning, "O-of course not! Don't get so smug, Gilbert Blythe!" She spun her head around, sticking her nose up in the air.

Gilbert chuckled, leaning his head against the tree. Maybe it would going to be alright. Maybe he would learn to be her friend again, someday.

A tiny movement out of the corner of his eyes caught his attention. Gilbert looked down, spotting a bright red ladybug sitting on his hand.

Carefully he lifted his arm.

"Anne", he whispered, as if being afraid to scare the little animal away.

"What?" She looked at him before following his gaze. "Oh!" Her eyes beamed, "How many?" She whispered back.

"Four, I believe. Two for you and two for me", he grinned.

It was one of their many secrets, one of the many things nobody would have understood if they heard them talking.

"_What do you believe what the black spots mean, Gil?" she had asked him years ago, nodding to a little red bug resting on a petal._

"_Hm…" Gilbert pondered, wanting to give her a satisfying answer, "Maybe one has as many wishes as they got spots."_

"_Oh! I know it!" She beamed at him, touching his arm, "Every ladybug is born with the same amount of spots, but every time someone wishes on them, one disappears!"_

_He smiled at her, loving to see the stories unfolding in her head, "And what happens once they don't have any left?"_

"_Then… then they turn into raspberries", she grinned._

"_Raspberries, huh?" Gilbert raised his eyebrows, "I don't think I can ever eat them again…"_

_Anne laughed, "All the more remain for me!"_

"Here", without thinking about his intention, he searched for her left hand, encircling her wrist. Gently he lifted her arm up, bringing their fingers together until they build a bridge for the bug.

Too late he realized the effect their closeness had to him and his heart, as they both looked down, waiting for the ladybug to continue its journey.

Gilbert tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He had to control himself to not entwine all her fingers with his and then simply never let go of Anne.

Anne noticed abashedly that her eyes weren't watching this little creature, but the hand it was resting upon. Gilbert had remarkable fine hands for a boy. They were big and strong yet slender and smooth. She couldn't really blame the ladybug for not leaving him.

She wondered if he ever shared such moments or secrets with Maryanne. Or any other girl for that matter. Her stomach twisted at that thought. It just didn't feel right to think that anybody else would share a world with Gilbert like she did.

"You know…" she finally broke their silence just to say anything, "Maybe it simply doesn't want to fulfil my wishes," she tried to sound funny, but somehow it was hard to sound funny while their hands brushed.

Gilbert lifted his head and met her eyes, a curly strand of hair falling into his forehead, "Or maybe…"

'…the thing you wanted to wish for did already come true', it rushed through his mind.

But then he remembered that this was _his _wish. Not hers.

"…Or maybe it simply doesn't want to become a raspberry just yet."

* * *

**AN:** Amybf19: Oh thank you! :D You're right, maybe someone should write about _their_ wedding night ^^

RHrGreatness: Look who's back! A-dora-ble-ness! ;D But for how long… *mysterious expression* You know it's not good manners to disagree with your President! Maryanne was a blank page to me until we talked about it! Now shush, or I reconsider that raise we were talking about! ;P

SailorLeia: AH! I giggled when I read you knew it! Way to make me happy by reading between the lines even before I name things! :D I suppose Usa-chan doesn't need the goodies anymore, now that she has Mamo! ;D I'm sending you a replica of Pluto's key so you can travel through time (you're allowed to! You're not gonna die!) meet whoever you wish too! Mamoru-san is leaving some chocolate prints on your cheek while baking Christmas cookies with you! ;D


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

* * *

_**Our doubts are traitors,**_

_**And make us lose the good we oft might win,**_

_**By fearing to attempt.**_

_William Shakespeare_

* * *

„Oh Anne!" Jane rushed towards Anne and Diana, causing them to stop and turn around.

"I'm so glad I meet you here!" She finally reached them and grabbed Anne's arm.

Whatever would cause such an excitement in the otherwise so quiet Jane Andrews?

"Is it really true?" She gasped, pushing Anne away from the middle of the street so not everybody would hear them.

"Is what true?" Puzzled, Anne looked from the hand on her arm to Jane and then at Diana, who only shrugged confused.

"Well that Gilbert is to be engaged, of course!"

"W-what?" Anne stopped dead, her jaw dropping. "What- what are you talking about?"

"Oh come on Anne, you of all people can't tell me you don't know anything! When whole Avonlea is speaking of nothing else! I must say it wasn't really nice to keep that from me!"

Completely irritated, Anne grabbed the brunette by her shoulders to stop her flood of words, "Jane. What is it that you're speaking of?"

"Well, Gilbert and this girl of course. What was her name again? Oh yes, Maryanne. Such a dulcet name, isn't it? Though I have to say, mother wasn't at all pleased the way those two showed themselves in public. In such an intimate manner. She said that's 'mighty improper'", Jane giggled, obviously not sharing Misses Andrews opinion.

Anne let go of her friend, staring at some invisible spot in the middle of nowhere.

_Was this really happening?_ Had she heard right? Gil… to be married?

"Anne, I do have to admit, I always thought it would be _you _Gilbert Blythe would propose to some day. Even if you told me otherwise. Well, I must have been wrong then", she snickered - oblivious to Anne's state of mind - and looked at Diana, whose worried eyes were fixed on her best friend.

"Well," confused she noticed that she wouldn't get the reaction she had hoped for, "I need to go now, mother wants to buy some new porcelain. Goodbye Diana, bye Anne!"

"Bye Jane…" Diana replied absent-mindedly, making a step towards Anne.

Anne didn't even bother to bid farewell at all.

"Anne…" Diana whispered, placing a consoling arm around her shoulders, and led her away from town and all those people.

For minutes her mind had gone completely blank. What she had just heard made so little sense to Anne, that she couldn't even grasp it. This was downright ridiculous!

"Are you sure?" Diana bit her bottom lip, watching her friend with concern.

Anne blinked confused, suddenly ripped out of her thoughts, "Am I sure of what?"

"You just said it was downright ridiculous. I assume you're speaking of Gilbert and…" Her voice trailed off, afraid any word could be the wrong one now.

"I haven't even realized I said that aloud, Di…" Anne gave her a bitter smile. "Though it is." She stopped walking, by now they had reached the seldom occupied short cut to Green Gables.

"I've seen Gil just yesterday! He would have always said something to me!"

"If you say so…" Diana dropped her gaze.

"What, what do you mean 'if you say so', Diana?" Anne knit her brow, "Don't you agree with me?"

"Yes. No. I mean, I don't really know, Anne. I know as much as you do."

"But Di! You don't think he would propose to some girl he hardly knows! Do you know more than I do?"

"No, I don't, Anne. And I don't know how well he knows her… or whatever relationship connects them… I only… I only heard my share of gossips…"

"What? What gossip?" Anne sounded undeniable hurt, "Why haven't you told me anything about that?"

"Anne… it was only gossip, I didn't think too much of it… Although…"

She lowered her voice, "I saw them… once or twice… and…" tensely she moved her shoulders up and down, "…they seemed to be rather close…"

For some moments she stopped breathing. Those words sinking in like bitter poison.

Yes, Anne _had _noticed his closeness to this girl too. Gilbert behaved around her differently than he used to around other girls. In a way she had never seen him before. But Anne had never really been able to grasp this difference.

But that… that he…

"But Diana… You don't think… He only proposed to me mere weeks ago!" Her voice grew louder, fear resonating in it.

"Yes, but…" Diana hardly found the courage to speak honestly with her bosom friend, "But… you, you have to keep in mind that he doesn't remember that proposal, Anne…"

"But- but he lost his memories, not his _heart_!"

"But Anne…" Diana gingerly touched her arm, trying to soothe her. "Anne… are you saying you _want _him to remember? Have… have your feelings changed?"

"What?" Open mouthed she looked at the black-haired woman, not believing what was just happening, "Of course not!"

"But, but Anne. You really… you… you…"

"What, what is with me?"

"Well you… you sound rather jealous, Anne."

Dumbfounded and aggrieved she shook her best friend's hand off her. "You know that I am not, Diana. You _know _that."

"No Anne. I do not know that. I only know that mere weeks ago you told me that Gilbert never truly loved you, and you hoped he would find someone else. And now that there _might _be a chance that this is happening, you react in such, such a … _hurt_ way."

"I am not hurt!" Anne could feel the tears rising and hated herself for that, "I am only worried for a good friend, that's all."

"Anne…" She looked imploringly at her friend, wanting so desperately to reach her soul, "Please…"

"Is this what this is all about?" Anne stepped back, awareness dawning, "first you insist in me reading a book where the heroine and her _best friend_ get together in the end, and now you- No-", Anne shook her head, realization hitting her like a slap in the face, "Did you _force _Fred into asking Gilbert to be his groomsman?"

"Anne, please stop imagining those things", Diana stepped desperately towards Anne, "I only wanted-"

"You only wanted to convince me into feeling something I _don't_!" The first tear crawled down her cheek, soon followed by another. She felt betrayed.

_Betrayed by her two dearest friends._

For the first time in her life frustration was overcoming Diana at her best friend's obstinacy and blindness, causing her to lose her composure. "Anne, if you love him as nothing but your friend – just as you always insist you do – then why is the thought of him with someone else _so _dire to you?"

"What, what are you…" Anne embraced herself, feeling as someone would have rammed a knife into her back.

"You can't expect Gilbert to pine for you all his life. You can't expect him to be lonely for all his life simply because you don't want to share him! He deserves love and happiness too! Maybe he wants to have children - you know him better than I do, Anne. If he is nothing but a _friend_ to you, than you have to let him find his luck and be happy for him."

Anne stumbled one more step back before spinning around and running away as fast as her feet would carry her. Away from all those lies sinking in her heart and stinging as if they were some truth. Away from her best friend who suddenly didn't believe her anymore. And could _she_ even believe anything Diana would say, anymore?

"Anne, please, I-!"

She didn't want to hear what Diana had to tell her. She didn't want to hear anything of this anymore. She would lose it all. She would lose every person in this world that meant something to her. First she lost Matthew, then she lost Diana and now she would lose Gilbert too.

Her life in Avonlea had started off _too _sweet, she should have known that something bitter was to come. Her life was predestined for bitterness.

Anne stumbled on the road, the blur of tears making it hard for her to see irregularities and obstacles timely. Letting out an irritated sob, she sat down on the nearest rock a few feet away from the narrow road, surrounded by grass.

Crying she crossed her arms upon her knees, burying her face in the hole they were offering.

Everybody was keeping secrets form her. She didn't know anymore whom she could trust or where she belonged to. It seemed like all the relationships she had built in the last years were nothing but castles in the sand.

Blown away by the merest of breezes. Disappearing in the nowhere. Leaving her all by herself.

"Anne!" her eyes opened wide in shock when his alarmed and unwelcome voice reached her.

Was there a way to simply disappear? To simply become invisible?

Gilbert had been on his way to Green Gables, deciding it was time to get it over and done with and reclaim his jacket, as his eyes percieved this startling sight.

"Anne", his voice was softer now as he reached out, touching her shoulder cautiously. It was as if a cold hand would have gripped his heart, watching her in such an upset state.

Her head shot up, furious eyes glaring at him, "Gilbert Blythe, I'm really not in the mood to talk!" She managed in the angriest voice she could offer, determined to keep the tears from falling when someone – especially _him_ – was watching.

Frantically she wiped the salty trails away with her sleeve, mortification burning inside her.

Gilbert slowly kneeled down beside her, bewildered seeing all her tears and distraught state of mind.

What could upset her so? "Anne…" his voice was barely above a whisper, his hand still resting on her shoulder.

She refused to acknowledge Gilbert, stubbornly turning her head away from him.

"Anne… why are you crying?

"I am _not_ crying", she sniffed.

The defiance resonating in her voice would have caused a laugh out of him in every other situation. Anne always used to lose her sense for rationality whenever she was hurt.

"Then…" he licked his lips, racking his brain for a way to reach her, "Then why it is raining on your skin?"

The tenderness of his voice and his attempt to cheer her up were like salt in her wound. It was like showing a starving person some sweet cake they would never get.

Ever so slowly she turned her face towards him, pondering if she should simply push him away and flee from this display of embarrassment. But then her green eyes met his worried hazel ones, and that was all it took for Anne to break down again.

"Shhh", Gilbert enfolded her in his arms, caressing her back soothingly. For once he didn't care what this closeness did to him. Right now all he wanted was to ease her pain. For it was his pain too.

"It's alright, Anne", he placed his chin on top of her head as she sobbed into his shirt, "It's alright."

For some time – she couldn't say if it were seconds or minutes – she simply let herself fall into his embrace, into his comfort, into his warmth. Clinging onto him as she wanted to cling onto their friendship and everything else dear to her heart that was about to disappear.

His presence filled an emptiness, an aching pain inside of her, for some moments taking away the feeling of loneliness.

But just as the first rays of hope reached her heart - enlightening the situation - there was something else, Anne came to see as well.

Mortified she freed herself from his arms, looking alarmed at him, "You can't-"

Blankly he tried to follow her thoughts. Was this the fear of him regaining his memories, speaking out of her?

"You can't, Gilbert. Maryanne. If someone-"

"Maryanne?" He interrupted her, knitting his brow, "What does she have to do with this?"

"Don't you see?" She wiped over her cheeks, "If someone would see you this way…"

Slowly he was getting rather impatient by all those confusing bits and pieces, "What way?"

"Gilbert, you can't get near to someone else anymore. Not now that…that…"

"That _what_, Anne?" He pressed forward, frustration resonating in his voice.

She rose to her feet, her clenched fists pressed to her sides, "Do you really _still _want to still keep it a secret from me? I thought we were friends!"

"Anne", confused he stood up as well, trying to make sense out of her.

"First", she lifted her hand, gesticulating fiercely, "first I lost Diana, and now you will go too! But at least _she_ had been honest enough to speak to me!"

Gilbert took a step towards her, reaching for her hand.

"No!" Anne stepped back, withdrawing her hand, "Don't you see! We can't be friends anymore! We can't be friends once you're a husband, Gil!"

"_Husband_!" Gilbert's jaw dropped. "Anne, would you please tell me what it is you're speaking of at all, and give me the chance to say something?"

Anne groaned, angry that he forced her to say it aloud, "Why, I heard that you are to be engaged, Gilbert!"

"En-engaged!" Open mouthed he stared at her, uttering this word as if he would have never heard of it before.

"It doesn't matter anyhow", Anne muttered quietly to herself before turning around, desiring nothing but to escape him and all the pain he was causing her.

"Anne!" His hand on her wrist stopped her, "Why- I- I-", he turned her around with his free hand so she was forced to face him.

"Anne, this is the first time I've ever heard of this! Whoever told you such a thing?"

So many thoughts were rushing through his mind that he couldn't grasp _one_. _Who had turned his life into such a dramatic play?_

"Wha- but, but _everybody_, Gil. The whole town!"

"_The whole town_? But, but, me engaged to Maryanne? That is, that is-" he let out a frustrated groan, "that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard! It would be like marrying my cousin, or-or even my sister! She's my mother's godchild!"

"Wha-what?" Dumbfounded she stared at him, a hint of hope returning in the depths of her green-grey eyes.

Gilbert didn't speak any further. He wouldn't know what to say anyway. This was all far too much for him.

First he got refused by the only one he ever loved, than he lost his memories, and now that he got them back - he had to console _her _because Anne was afraid he could marry someone else?

Nothing in this whole story made the slightest bit of sense!

"Why…" He let go of her, looking seriously at Anne, "Why would you believe this?"

Why would she, who _knew _that he had proposed to her only weeks ago, believe that he could give his heart away a second time? Just like that. As if nothing would have happened. As if his feelings would have never been sincere.

"Why wouldn't you simply ask me, Anne?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

The disappointment in his words didn't pass unnoticed by Anne. Ashamed and confused she looked down, rubbing her arm, "I-I, was afraid of the consequences."

"_The consequences_? What consequences, Anne!" His voice grew louder than he intended to. Gilbert never raised his voice towards Anne, but this situation was too much for his heart to bear.

_He_ was the one with the broken heart! Why should she be so upset over the thought of him getting married!

"Don't you see it! Doesn't neither one of you see it!" Anne screamed, fresh tears escaping her eyes, "First I lost Diana to Fred and then, and now, and… once… once you're married, our friendship will be gone too…" Her voice had become more and more quiet with every word she had uttered.

Gilbert let out a groan. If he would tell her the truth, he would have to say that he would never marry anyone who wasn't her. But he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't tear down everything he had built up during those last days just because of this quarrel.

"Anne, what does marrying someone has to do with losing your friends? Diana's still your friend! And we-", he inhaled, fighting hard against the pain inside his chest, "can be friends no matter… what the future will bring."

"Oh, you know that this is not true! You know that no married man is allowed to spend time with a girl - alone!"

"Anne…" Gilbert hung his head, having reached his own limits, "how… how do you expect me to console you on something that hasn't even happened? How can you be afraid of losing people who are right here before you?"

"I… I don't know…" she admitted sniffing, dropping her gaze.

Gilbert's heart broke as he watched this shattered girl before him.

He knew how much this would going to hurt him, how many sleepless nights cost, but he simply couldn't leave her alone in her misery.

Hesitantly he stepped up to her, taking her trembling hands in his, unconsciously stroking her skin with his thumbs.

"Anne…"

"I'm sorry", she whispered, without looking up.

"Anne. You." Gilbert took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind, "I know that Diana would never let go of you - no matter the circumstances. And you know it too. And I know that I wouldn't let our friendship end just like that. But. But you have to start to trust people, Anne. You should have simply asked me instead of assuming the worst. How… how can I be your friend when you don't let me be one?"

Anne tilted her head ashamed, rubbing her wet cheeks on her blouse since her hands were still in his hold. She was too terrified to meet his eyes.

"Then… then…", she whispered so quietly that he barely understood her, "Between you and Maryanne…"

"We are as far away from that as one can be."

"And… and…" Anne didn't even dare to say this question aloud. But since he didn't remember anything… She simply had to know it now to stop all those doubts inside her. "There, um…"

'_Nobody but you_', it rushed through his mind, and Gilbert had to close his eyes to keep the two halves inside him from falling apart all over again.

"No." He stated in all the firmness he could muster.

Before he could do anything about it, she had removed her hands from his hold and put her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Anne wanted to show him how sorry she felt for her behavior. And she needed prove that their friendship wouldn't end – that he wouldn't just disappear.

Gilbert fought with himself, not knowing how to react at her sudden display of affection. He wasn't used to Anne embracing him at all.

But then his heart won out over his mind, and he hesitantly placed his hands on her back, carefully not to draw her even closer into him.

He closed his eyes as he breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. A mixture of soap, lavender and… and _her_.

Maybe... pretending to be nothing but a friend _wouldn't_ be as easy as he had hoped. Not if Anne, not if she…

_What was it she did today?_

She could have as well presented him her pounding heart on her palms, saying 'It might beat for you, but you may never have it.'

* * *

**AN:** Christina: Oh my, thank you so much for your sweet words! It makes me happy that the chapters have such an effect! :)

RHrGreatness: Lalala, now everytime she sees a ladybug she's gonna think of me – uh, I meant the Shlythes! ;D Seriously, Miss RHrGreatnessstein! I'm appalled! Anne was thinking of her name as a brown plain dress without puffy sleeves and Maryanne's was a pink dress with ribbons AND puffy sleeves! You naughty- now wait a minute! "Gilbert, did you use the Delorean again and misused Miss RHrGreatnessstein's keyboard?! Keep your thoughts to yourself, you naughty boy! (No, do not, send them to me via letter pigeon!)" xD xD

Amybf19: Oh, your excitement makes me happy! Thank you, thank you! :D

Snapdragon: It is so nice to read that those chapters manage to carry you off the surrounding turmoil - and if only for some minutes. Thank you :)

Tina234: Oh! Thank you very much! :D


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

* * *

_**The heart was made to be broken.**_

_Oscar Wilde_

* * *

Anne smiled as she watched the surface of the pleasant brisk water rippling around her fingers.

"You know, this _was_ a good idea of you."

A grin curled his lisp as he watched her, "Well, it has to happen every once in a while."

She chuckled without looking up.

Two days after their stirring encounter, Gilbert had gathered enough composure for his decision to call Anne and finally regain his jacket. But the for Avonlea mighty unusual ardent and merciless sun on his way to Green Gables, forced him to realize that this really wasn't a good day for a walk. Not even through the otherwise sheltering forest.

That was when the idea of asking Anne to escape the heat on land with his dory, had hit him.

_Of course_ it was a daring question. _Of course_ he was pushing himself to his own limits.

But how should he get used to their friendship if he would flee from all sort of precarious situations?

It was not like he wanted to dwell in possibilities. It was not like he pretended something that was not. It was not like her uproar let him doubt things he had been so sure of.

At least that's what Gilbert told himself.

Anne removed her hand from the water, lifting her head to savour in the beauty of the nature surrounding her. Thousands of twinkling lights reflecting on the smooth surface, only dancing where Gilbert moved the paddles slowly up and down. Birds were chirping in the distance, a faint breeze making the rays of sunshine meeting her face bearable.

Two days had passed since her dispute with Diana. Anne felt awful about it. She knew she had been wrong to react in such a repellent way, when her best friend only spoke honestly to her. How should they have ever become so close, if they _wouldn't_ be sincere with each other?

She knew she had to visit her and apologize. This silence between them tormented her soul.

But she just hadn't been able to do so _yet_. There were still things Anne had to understand and be sure about, before she could meet her bosom friend again. Otherwise it would only end in the same disaster it had the last time.

As if he would have read her thoughts, Gilbert broke their comfortable quietness, "Have you talked with Diana?"

Of course he didn't know anything about what – or rather _whom _– their confrontation had been about. In fact, Anne hadn't even told him at all that there _had _been an argument between them. Gilbert usually figured such things out himself. Without her explanation.

Hesitantly she shook her head, "No…"

Wasn't it strange that she was here with him now - in such harmony - when _he_ had been the reason for her quarrel? Wasn't that ironic?

Gilbert gave her an understanding smile, his hands moving the paddles incessantly in a slow rhythm.

"Will you not tell me to see her?" Anne asked curiously as she realized he wouldn't react any further.

He only shrugged, "I know you will. I know you two will be alright again. Just take the time you need."

Anne watched him in amazement. Sometimes she wondered how she has ever found her road without him - before he had become her cornerstone.

She shook her head in attempt to distract her thoughts, "Shouldn't I take over for a while?" Anne nodded to his occupied hands.

Gilbert tilted his head, causing a lock of his curly hair to fall into his forehead, "Thank you, Miss Shirley, but I'm not as weak as I may seem to you."

Her face turned crimson as the thought of his muscles stumbled into her mind, without warning or permission.

"I-I," she dropped her gaze, staring at her folded hands, "I didn't mean it that way."

_Shame on her for getting flustered that easily by him!_

"Did you- did you already begin your studies for the upcoming semester?" Anne asked simply to escape her own awkwardness.

"Uh, no. Not really", Gilbert's eyes wandered off. He didn't like to be remembered that a new year in Redmond would soon arrive. How should he pull his memory loss through that? "I, uh, only read some essays. Why, did you already?"

"Oh no", Anne exclaimed reassuringly as she realized how insensitive her question had been, "I only, I really only read the books my professor has recommended. Strain will come soon enough. Last year I didn't savour the summer to its fullest, and I regretted it deeply. I won't make the same mistake again."

Gilbert turned his head away to hide his smile. Anne was always so adorable when she got serious about the slightest things.

"You are not afraid of college, are you?" Her soft voice brought him back to their conversation.

"Um…" Gilbert swallowed hard. He hated every lie he had to tell her, no matter how little or insignificant, "No, uh, I'm still hoping for the memories to come back within the next weeks."

She nodded her head emphatically, giving him an encouraging smile, "I'm sure they will. But you know, even if they wouldn't, I wouldn't be worried for you, Gil."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows curiously, "Why not?"

Anne shrugged as if the answer would be as obvious as it could be, "Well, you're always on top of your classes. I'm sure no challenge would change that."

"Thank you", a handsome grin curled his lips.

Anne blushed, dropping her gaze. "It's only the truth", she said as casual as possible.

"I didn't mean for the compliment."

"Oh?" Confused she lifted her head, knitting her brow.

"I meant for pushing me so. If you wouldn't have challen-"

"Oh, would you drop that." She gave him an irritated look, masking her giddiness, "You know I don't like to talk about _that _topic."

Gilbert let out a chuckle, understanding her reaction as what it had been.

Deciding he had rowed them far enough off their pier, he let the paddles sag back into their holders, rubbing his palms on his trousers.

"So…" He pondered if he should make his unknowing state even more believable by asking her, if they have been on a dory ever since that fateful day he had found her clinging onto the pile. But as he rolled the question around in his mind, Gilbert realized he wouldn't be able to pull another lie through. And feigning to not know something he _did_, was nothing but a lie.

"Isn't it funny?"

He lifted his hazel eyes up to her when her sweet voice interrupted his inner fight.

"It's the first time we are on a dory ever since…" Anne giggled bashfully. "Oh my..." even after all those years she felt ashamed for her embarrassing display and reaction at his rescue.

"Is it…" Gilbert replied in a hoarse voice, partly because of the memory of their old days when Anne had still refused to forgive him, and partly because every time she did something like this, it made it harder for him to fight off any kind of hope.

Anne watched him while he kept his eyes glued to the water surface. Something inside her has changed during those last days. Something she couldn't really grasp. Let alone explain to anyone.

That was the main reason why she couldn't see Diana yet. She had to figure some things out for herself. How shouldn't Di be confused about her behaviour as long as Anne herself didn't know how to behave?

Somehow it had been good that something inside of her burst open during their confrontation. It made her realize that she had to act soon. If she didn't want to risk his friendship, then she couldn't risk that he would remember before she told him anything. How would Gilbert be able to ever forgive her this lie?

And how should she behave around him once he remembered? What if she didn't _want _to give up their closeness? But how could she be close to him and talk to him without holding back, if there would always be the possibility of Gil losing himself in his persuasion all over again?

Absent-minded, her fingers brushed the delicate petals of a water lily.

"Aren't water lilies one of the most mysterious and loveliest flowers Mother Nature has ever created?"

Gilbert could name at least _one_ flower that would exceed all the others in both virtues… His lips remained close.

"Aren't they…" Anne licked her lips, rolling the fancy around in her mind, tasting the sound of it.

"Don't you think they are the mermaids of the flower-world? It's just like…" She didn't dare to meet his eyes as she pondered her words, "One could think they must have been lilies of the valley once too. Thousands of years ago, perhaps. But their heart longed to the water. With such a force that their souls covered them in a new dress.

Did you know that…" Anne glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes, "Lilies of the valley shall represent love's good fortune?"

Gilbert forgot how to breathe for one moment. This was the first time she had mentioned those flowers ever since he gave them to her on that fateful day. Anne had even avoided to name them, when they were surrounding her on every side.

And now… And now she seemed to have felt the desire to utter these words out loud, as if she would want to… Almost as if she would want to stir something inside of him.

But that couldn't be. Not after all those weeks. What reasons should she have?

Maybe Anne simply got carried away without even realizing what she was saying.

Surreptitiously she looked at him, disappointment sneaking into her chest. Not the slightest reaction was visible on his face.

How naïve could one be? Did she really expect that after all those weeks, where they even spoke about proposals and love he would _suddenly _remember - just because she lost herself in one of her ramblings? As if those little flowers would be enough to remind him of his former feelings for her…

Anne inhaled sharply. No, that wasn't what she had thought! Not at all! It wasn't his _feelings_ towards her she wanted to revive! It was his _memories_!

"Um," Gilbert cleared his throat, determined to break the awkward silence and search a much safer subject for them, "What books exactly did your professor recommend you?"

"Uh…" Anne dropped her gaze, she didn't want him to spot any disappointment in her eyes, "Well, five very different ones. Of all epochs. Though actually, it had been seven, but I already read two of them. Thanks to Miss Stacy. I think the most…"

Gilbert hardly perceived her voice anymore as he watched a white petal dancing and twirling around in the light summer breeze. Closer and closer it flattered towards Anne, until it slowly finished its journey by alighting on her hair.

"What?" Anne knitted her brow as she realized he hadn't been listening at all – something very unusual for Gil.

Startled he tore his gaze off her golden sparkling hair, "Huh? Oh, nothing. I-" He lifted his fingers in the faint attempt to motion her, "You, uh-"

"What?" Confused she looked around, searching for any sign of what could have distracted him so.

"You, you only got a cherry blossom in your hair."

"Oh", Still a little confused about his reaction, she reached her hand up to her hair, searching for it. As she wasn't rewarded immediately, she met his eyes impatient, "Gilbert Blythe. Would it be too much to ask for, if you would tell me if I'm even _near_?"

A little uncertain chuckle left his mouth, "It's on the left side. A bit above your ear."

Again her fingers travelled along her locks, searching for the little intruder, a faint moan escaping her lips.

That did it to Gilbert. He rather took care of it himself and ended this torture, instead of watching Anne running her fingers through her appealing hair over and over again.

Anne stilled her movements startled as his face was suddenly only mere inches away, his fingers reaching out for the flower.

He tried his best to not meet her green eyes, to not watch her face, to not look at those lips. Too close was the temptation. But as soon as his hands had embraced the white bloom, he lost his fight for the benefit of his yearning heart.

It took less than one second to lose himself completely into those green-grey sparkling orbs.

Anne gulped, barely breathing, afraid any movement would be the wrong one. She didn't want him to come any closer. But strangely she didn't want to break this moment neither.

Her eyes danced between his hazel ones, searching for answers in them.

Anxious she noticed how his eyes flickered for one brief moment down to her lips, causing her to lick them unconsciously.

With the last drop of self-control he still carried within him, he withdraw from her, letting the cherry blossom float onto the calm water.

Without having stirred at all, Anne watched him wonderstruck. Suddenly something like a small hole was gaping inside her chest. As if something would have begun, but not being finished.

"I…" Gilbert cleared his throat to smooth his cracking voice, "I suppose I should get you home, before it gets dark." He grabbed the wooden paddles once again and started to row them back without even waiting for her answer.

Of course dawn wouldn't reach Avonlea for another few hours. Both knew that. And both knew that the other one knew. But they knew as well that they had to escape this situation as fast as possible.

Anne's heart was still beating vigorously in her chest, his closeness from before still hovering above her, as if he wouldn't have left at all. His presence still spreading an unusual warmth through her body.

Gilbert cursed himself mentally. How could he have been so naïve to test his own boundaries in such a dangerous way? How could he let his desire for her rule his decisions? He would never be able to be a friend to her, if he wouldn't stop this wishful thinking.

Carefully he stepped out of the dory as it hit the shore, reaching his hand out to Anne. Meeting his eyes, she took it hesitantly, unsure of how to handle their silence and tension. She lifted her skirt with her free hand and followed him.

Gilbert dropped her hand as soon as her feet touched ground, the warmth radiating from her stinging like a wound.

"I, I will walk you back to Green Gables, Anne." He scratched the back of his neck, feeling as uncomfortable around her as he hadn't since a long time. Her presence filled every fiber of his being, stretching his composure to the bursting point.

"I still have to release you from my jacket", Gilbert added swiftly when she opened her mouth to object.

"Oh right. Certainly." And she had already believed he would try to win her back once more. How good that he wasn't…

How bitter this relief tasted on her tongue, she didn't want to think of.

"Oh look!" she motioned a few feet away from them, determined to keep her thoughts light-hearted. "The cornflowers are in in full bloom now. Have you ever seen such a vibrant blue, Gil? As if they all would have a little moon inside their soul to enlighten the petals from inside."

Gilbert gave her a little smile, for some seconds forgetting the aches in his heart at her joy. Anne had this gift to set everyone and everything around her on fire.

"Indeed, they shine out those surrounding Patty's Place by far."

For one moment the world around them stopped turning, their wide open eyes meeting in shock.

He hadn't even realized it until the last word had left his lips. And now everything around them crumbled down.

Anne made one step back. Mortified. "How, how do you know of them?" She asked in a shaking voice, even though she already knew the answer.

But her mind didn't want to grasp it. Didn't want to see the truth.

Thousand emotions were rushing through her, swallowing her up completely.

He tried to keep his thoughts together. Pondered how he could still fix the damage his distracted mind had caused. "Didn't you, didn't you tell me about them?"

Gilbert could feel nausea rising inside of him, those words sounding even to his ears so false and insincere.

Terrified she shook her head, hot tears rising. Anne made another step backwards, encircling her arms around her waist.

"Anne-"

"You, you…" Unbelievingly she stared at him.

Shame, fear, anger, guilt, mortification, sickness rushing through her. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat which kept her from speaking, "How, how long. When-"

"Anne, I…"

"Since when do you remember?" She screamed at him, feeling the first warm tear spilling over.

"Let me explain-" He closed the distance between them, reaching for her hands.

She ripped herself out of his hold, the force of her disgust cutting his heart. "Was this some sort of game? You knew everything? _Everything_! And you enjoyed watching me in all my blindness and stupidity?" She cried.

Her words hurt him like no knife could, "Anne, you know that this-"

"I don't know anything anymore, Gilbert Blythe!" She hit his chest with her fists, shoving him away from her. His closeness sickening her. "_You _were the one who told me I should trust you! And yet you lied to me – for what – for _weeks_?" One angry tear after another crawled down her flushed face, her eyes blazing with anger.

"_You_ were the one who lied to me first! How can you claim the right of being angry when it was _your_ decision!"

"What choice did I have? What should I have told you?"

"And what should _I_ have told _you_! How can you always just see the flaws in others! Do you think you are free of them?"

She glared at him, hating him for making her hate him, "I do no such thing! But _I_ lied to you because I wanted to be your friend! You, you lied to me because you wanted to play some cruel game!"

"What game! I already lost everything!" Gilbert felt his voice cracking.

"Then why are you even here!"

He opened his mouth for some spitting reply, but then paused and looked at her sharply, his eyes as dark and frightening as she had never witnessed them before.

"You are right", he managed in his firmest and coldest voice. "I have no place in here."

He shot her one last glance that could have frozen Anne's soul, before Gilbert turned around and stormed off.

With blurred eyes she watched him disappear, before running away herself, bitter tears her only companions.

_If someone would have walked by the shore that day, they would have cut their skin by all those shards. All those hundreds pieces of two broken hearts._

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: Gordo! Stop teasing Miss RHrGreatnessstein and go "playing" with Lizzie! ;D Best sentence **ever**: "THEY NEED TO LOVE EACHOTHER ALREADY!" You couldn't be righter ... _and_ we have to use that volcano of a phrase for the MBPC! xD

Amybf19: Thank you! :)

katherine-with-a-k: Thank you mysterious-yet-observant-reviewer for all your feedback! ;) Of course the ladybug moment happened in AoA! L.M. Montgomery just forgot to write it down ;)


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

* * *

_**Sometimes the heart sees what's invisible to the eye.**_

_Alfred Tennyson_

* * *

Diana rushed from her kitchen to the door, alarmed by the impatiently knocking. Hurrying downstairs, Fred followed soon after his wife.

"Anne!" Opening the door, the ravenblack-haired woman looked startled at her best friend who was all in tears, sobbing hysterically.

Anne had taken every short cut she knew of to avoid running into someone. She couldn't face anybody in her current state. Much less Marilla and Rachel, who would have hit her with questions. There hadn't been anybody else left to turn to than faithful Diana.

Suddenly every word of their quarrel was forgotten, suddenly no apology was needed, as she pulled Anne inside and wrapped her up in her comforting arms.

Glancing up to Fred, he gave her an understanding smile, motioning he would go upstairs into his office again. She thanked him with her dark eyes, grateful for having found such a sympathetic husband.

Over and over again she caressed Anne's back, whispering soothing words in her friend's ear, waiting patiently for her to calm down a little. What could have upset her so? For she already had a vague inkling _who _it had been…

After minutes with not one single word leaving Anne's mouth, Diana loosened her hold around her a little, so she could look into her face. With a soft sigh she lifted one hand and stroked over her cheeks, wiping the salty trails away, studying her puffy red eyes and trembling lips.

"Come, Anne", she finally whispered, placing one arm around her shoulders, "Let's get you inside and I'll make us something to drink. And then you can tell me what happened."

The sniffing girl still didn't reply anything, but let herself being led through the hall like some little child clinging onto her mother.

After bringing her into the parlour, Diana disappeared for some minutes into her kitchen, giving Anne some time to clear her mind if only a little.

"Now…" She placed two glasses of fresh lemonade onto their small coffee table, noticing that Anne had used the moments of solitude to regain her composure as well as possible.

While Anne was sitting on the sofa, hands clasped tightly in her lap, Diana took a seat in the armchair opposite her friend.

Assuming Anne would need some more minutes to find her voice again, she took a sip of the sweet liquid. If there was one thing about her she had learned in all their years of friendship, then it was that pushing Anne was pointless and would only end in her hiding like some snail in her shell.

All the more startled her the sudden exclamation, "He remembers!"

"W-what?" Bewildered and confused Diana set her glass down.

"Gilbert remembers everything! Since-!" New tears were rising, and Anne wondered how she could even have any left, "Since I don't know since when!"

Diana sprang up immediately, rushing to Anne's side, offering her arms as comfort.

"Did he tell you that today?" She brushed one strand of Anne's hair aside, trying to make sense out of those upset words and get to understand the situation.

Sobbing she shook her head, "He, he didn't mean to tell me. He would have kept it a secret for I don't know how long, Di! How could he lie to me!"

"Anne", Diana reached the distraught girl her white handkerchief, "I can see how upset you are. But please, give me a chance to follow your thoughts. You saw Gilbert today?" She gently pressed forward.

Wiping her nose, Anne nodded, "We, we were on his dory."

"On his _dory_?" Diana raised her eyebrows. Usually only courting couples would be seen together on the lake.

"But it was nothing, Diana!" Anne rushed to explain as she saw the questions written on her friend's face, "Just so."

_Just so…_ Of course. Everything was always 'just so' when it came to Anne and Gilbert. Just that the whole world interpreted it some other way…

"And then…?"

Anne buried her face in her palms, "The whole time he acted as if he couldn't remember. Even on the dory! I was so stupid, Di…" Slowly she raised her head again, glancing up at Diana, "It happened by accident. He didn't even want me to know! It was only a _slip of the tongue_! How long would he have kept that from me?"

Diana's thoughts were racing. Gilbert was one of the most sincere and straightforward people she knew. She couldn't imagine him lying at all. Even less to Anne of all people.

"Did he explain it to you?"

Anne shook her head, dabbing her tears, "I- I, I didn't give him the chance to explain. I was so angry, Di! How could he have lied to me…"

Diana caressed her red hair in a motherly way, biting her lips, "Anne, but…"

"What?" Her sudden silence confused her.

"No, I- I don't think we can go through this a second time, Anne. I don't want-"

"No, please", Anne placed her hand upon Diana's, looking urgently at her, "I'm so sorry, Diana. I wanted to come by and apologize to you. But before I even could, this… This… Please Di, this stupid fight was all _my_ fault. I should have never reacted in such a childish way when you were only being honest with me."

"No," Diana smiled, "It was not all _your _fault, Anne. I shouldn't have thrown this at your face in such an insensitive way. I should have chosen another way to speak to you."

Anne threw her arms around her best friend, letting her heart feel this little bit of relief that at least _one_ relationship would survive all this mess.

"Then it was both our fault, Diana. It doesn't really matter. Just", she let go of her to meet her eyes, "just promise me you will always be honest with me, Di. And I promise you to try and accept your words."

The ravenblack-haired woman gave her a warm smile, glad that this wall between them had finally crumbled down. "That seems like two very wise promises, my sweet Anne."

"I, I believe I already know what you wanted to tell me anyhow…" She dropped her gaze, looking at her fiddling hands.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You want to scold me. For being angry with him, when I lied to Gil too."

"No, Anne. That was not what I wanted to do."

Startled she lifted her head, tears still glittering in her eyes, "Not?"

"No. I can see that you scold and torment yourself already enough, Anne", she placed a warm gentle on her cheek. "I only want to help you. I would hate to see your friendship end…"

"I know-" Anne sniffed, "I know that it may seem so childish and selfish to be angry with him for something I did myself. He even said so himself... But, but, Di! It is not the same!"

She gesticulated with her hand, "I, I only lied to him because I had no other choice! Should I have told him that he was in love with me-" '_thought_ he was in love with me', her mind filled in, "and proposed and I refused? Who could ever say such a thing! But he! He!"

Anne let out a frustrated groan, "I don't even know what he lied for!"

"You really don't, Anne?" Diana asked unbelievingly.

"Of course not! What reason should that be?"

"That… That maybe Gilbert is just every bit as scared of losing you as you are?"

Her heart stopped beating for one second, her eyes searching truth in Diana's, "W-what?" She gulped.

"Anne, just, just try to slip into Gilbert's shoes. For just one second."

The red-haired blushed out of unexplainable reasons, "Diana, I can't-"

"Just do it. Just- just think of Gilbert as a character in one of your books! And you're the writer! You have to look into his mind."

"And what…" Anne dropped her gaze again, playing with a loose thread on her skirt, "What would I find in there?"

"_Anne_. Gilbert… He asked the girl he had been in love for years to marry him. And she rejected his proposal."

Diana paused, waiting for any objection or sign of anger from Anne, but saw only pain written on her pale face.

"Then he lost his memories. _For weeks_. And suddenly he got them back again. I have not the slightest idea of how it feels to lose and then regain your memories, Anne. But the way I imagine it is already awful enough. And suddenly he knew that this girl hasn't told him. That she wanted to keep their friendship upright. So what should he have done? Should he have destroyed their friendship, because he didn't get what he wanted?

Don't you see that this was his only chance to be close to you, Anne? Don't you see that he rather let you believe he wanted nothing but friendship than to stay away from you _completely_?"

Hesitantly Anne moved her mouth, "But… But what if he really wanted nothing but friendship from this girl anymore?"

"No, Anne. _No_. Listen, you told me to be honest with you. So, I will be.

You can doubt whatever you want, Anne. You can doubt your feelings, you can doubt his intentions, you can doubt whose fault this all was. But you can't doubt Gil's feelings for you. You just can't. I know you don't want to hear this. I know you don't want to _believe_ this, but it doesn't change the truth. Gilbert has been in love with you all along. There had never been a girl he had laid his eyes on since you came to Avonlea. There had never been a girl whose attention he wanted so desperately.

What do you think why he waited years for your forgiveness? Why should he have, if you would have been any other girl? And how can you doubt his proposal and his wish to make you his wife? Anne," Diana captured now both of her hands in hers, "doubt whatever you want. But don't doubt his love."

"But… but", a warm tear crawled down her cheek and Anne couldn't have said if it was a tear of sadness or hope. Her racing heart kept her from thinking straight, "but it wasn't right of him to lie… And it wasn't right of me either!" She groaned in frustration, "Do you think I should apologize, Di?"

"I don't really think this is a question about whose _fault_ it was, Anne. This is such a muddled situation, I don't think any one of you could have reacted differently. There was no _right_ way. And I don't think that it is a question of who should be the one to apologize, either…"

"What… what then?"

"You…" Diana gulped, finding it difficult to say those words, "you'll have to make up your mind, where you want this relationship with Gilbert to lead, Anne. If you want his friendship, and nothing but his friendship, then I'm afraid you can't spend the same amount of time with him as you used to. It wouldn't be fair to him…" She finished in a whisper.

Anne swallowed hard, suddenly having the need to escape. She had come here for comfort, and comfort she got. But the things Diana had told her confused her even more than she already had been. She needed time for herself, needed to find a way to deal with all this new informations and the pain inside her chest.

"I… I have to go now. Before Marilla starts worrying", feeling numb she stood up, waiting for Diana to follow her outside.

"Anne, wait." Diana touched her arm as she rose to her feet as well. "Before you go. Please. I have to ask you a something. I know you are confused right now, but I don't expect an answer. I don't expect one at all. Just please think about it and find it out for yourself."

Anne nodded hesitantly, Diana's unusual secret-mongering making her nervous.

"Please, imagine… When you two are friends again, and his feelings for you would decrease ever so slowly… Until there really _is_ nothing but friendship towards you inside his heart... And someday he would fall in love with another girl - and marry her. Could you live with that, Anne? In all honesty?"

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: I only uploaded this for (because of) you, Zombie-Di. Just so you know! :) And now I'm gonna go "GiiiiiiiiiilNNNNbeeeeert!" - I need some brains…

Dannie Merlot: First off, thank you for all your kind and encouraging words! :) I would like to explain that nothing would be further from my intention than to turn Anne into a character one could not love. Especially Gilbert. I'm not on his side, neither on hers. But unlike those two, I as a writer know their feelings. It's not me who speaks out of Gilbert, it's his broken heart, his frustration and even his feeling of guilt. Anne too feels suddenly caught in the act - feeling guilty, and at the same time she's angry with him. I think all those very different emotions make – unfortunately - an explosive mixture due to which both would show their worst sides. Which we all carry inside.

Amybf19: That _is_ true.

SailorLeia: Your words are heart-balm, Senshi sister *hug* OH MY! First I laughed out loud, seeing Mamo and Gil bookending the BSB, all 5 of them glancing suspiciously at them. And then I swooned when they decided one could never have enough of handsome-sweet boys! Now they need a new name! The Backpat Boys? xD (My personal favourite is photo nr. 37, where they all are up in the air – about to fall into the depths of this waterfall (Gil looks a bit scared! ^^). I send you dozens of blank Christmas balls which you can paint together with all the Senshi-girls, while listening to Kelly's Christmas album! Senshi-hugs and Christmas spirit with muddy-brown gingerman on top!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

* * *

_**I have so much of you in my heart.**_

_John Keats_

* * *

Since four days they haven't seen each other. Four terrible long days and much longer and more painful nights.

Every morning he woke up, with the hope this agony would cease. If only a little. But every morning he woke up, with an even bigger hole inside him than the day before.

Once he had spotted her in town and changed his direction immediately, before she could have seen him too. He wanted to save them both the awkwardness of meeting eyes and silent lips.

And maybe he was simply a bigger coward than he had ever thought, and he was afraid of the disgust reflecting in her grey-green eyes.

Gilbert was sure she _couldn't_ feel anything but disgust for him. He didn't himself.

The worst thing wasn't even that she found out his lie in such an awful way. The worst thing was that he was such a poor creature who couldn't even stop loving her _then _when she had told him more than once, that she would never return his feelings. How stupid and undignified could one heart be! Why couldn't he simply spare Anne the uncomfortableness of being around a friend who couldn't tame his feelings?

"Gilbert!" Startled he lifted his head, putting the firewood down onto the floor beside the stove, as he used to every evening so his mother would have enough for the next morning.

Untying her apron, his mother looked impatiently at him, "What is it with you today, boy?"

"Sorry", he rose from his bent position, brushing off his trousers, "I just haven't heard you, Mum."

"I asked you twice where you have put your jacket." Bustling, she removed the pale red apron over her head and hung it onto the kitchen door.

"My jacket?" Gilbert knit his brow.

"Yes! Your good one. I wanted to wash your fawn suit today, but I only found your trousers in your room. Where is your jacket? You don't expect me to wash it all individual", she shook her head, walking over to their table and brushing off some invisible crumbs.

_The jacket_. Gilbert had completely forgotten about it. Completely forgotten that Anne was still in possession of something personal of his.

_Something other than his heart_, that's it.

"I- um, I suppose I must have forgotten it over Barry's house."

"You _suppose_?" His mother gave him a scolding look.

"No, I mean, that's where it must be. I, um, will get it as soon as I can. I promise."

"Well, I sure hope so. It took me a whole week to-"

"I know, Mum", he cut her off, suddenly feeling the urge to leave this little room and breathe in some fresh air. This knowledge that nobody knew what was going on inside of him was suffocating Gilbert.

"I think I will go out for a short walk, if you don't need me here anymore."

"What? But it's already getting dark."

"It's almost full moon, and I won't be long." Gilbert rushed to give his mother a swift kiss on her cheek and leave outside, before she could find a reason for him to stay.

With his hands in his pockets he walked aim- and hopeless through the dimming Avonlea, kicking a pebble out of his way every now and then.

He loved his parents dearly, but dinner with all their cheerful conversations had simply been the straw to break the camel's back. It was so hard trying to fit in and act as if nothing would have changed - when everything _had_.

Gilbert didn't fit in any happiness anymore, and it tore him apart to feign every day anew that everything was alright. That _he_ was alright.

When nothing was alright anymore, and his universe shattered.

He used to think being rejected by her after his proposal had been the worst thing that could have ever happened to him. But this, _this _pain was ten thousand times worse than anything he had ever experienced before.

Because this time it was his own fault which had caused their relationship to break into pieces.

Gilbert stopped astonished as he suddenly realized he was only less than a hundred yards away from the cemetery. He hadn't really been paying attention to where his feet led him at all. So lost in his thoughts he had been.

Now he pondered if he should simply go back or walk those last yards to wander around in the by now certainly abandoned place.

It didn't take him long to decide for the latter one – a quiet voice inside him told him he _had_ to - and soon Gilbert was surrounded by the silent calmness of what had been once.

A faint shiver ran down his spine. He had never been out here at such a late hour. What reasons would he have had anyway?

Gilbert stopped when he reached the tombstone of the lost baby of Mrs. and Mr. Allan, sending a silent prayer to the little boy.

For some quiet moments he remained beside Ruby Gillis' grave, trying to imagine how the girl would have been right now, if she would still be with them. If she would have been engaged, or married… or maybe even a mother. Maybe _she_ was looking out for the Allan baby…

And then he reached Matthew Cuthbert's grave, standing before it without knowing what to do.

This was the only father Anne had ever known. This was the man who gave her her very first home after eleven years of loneliness. This was the man Gilbert would have been supposed to ask for her hand in marriage.

This was the man who would be looking down at him now, with nothing but disappointment.

Gilbert had failed miserably in everything concerning Anne.

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Feeling suddenly so small and so unwelcome. Like some intruder. As if he wouldn't have the right to stand beside Matthew Cuthbert's grave.

But there was something on his soul. Something he needed to get out. Not even so much for himself, but for Anne.

Tensely he looked around, searching for any sign of other visitors. But of course there was none. Only the stars were already twinkling on the evening sky, the moonlight falling warmly on the stones.

Gilbert hesitated briefly before kneeling down, staring for some moments at the ground, trying to remember what he wanted to do here at all.

"Mr. Cuthbert," he finally whispered, his voice sounding unpleasant loud to his ears. Once again he turned his head to every side, embarrassment spreading through his veins.

"I-I…" What was he doing here anyway?

_This was pointless and pathetic and_… His eyes fell on the wildflowers resting in a vase, unmistakable Anne's doing. She had been here as well. Probably only hours ago. Her fingers holding and adjusting the flowers, her feet touching the very ground he was now kneeling on.

_She_ was the reason which led him here.

Gilbert took a deep breath before making a new attempt, "Mr. Cuthbert… I know I don't really have any right to be here, and to address you. Not after everything I've done…"

He wouldn't need to tell him what it was he had done. Gilbert knew, Anne kept telling Matthew everything, and furthermore he was sure the man was still watching out for her from wherever he was. Mr. Cuthbert must hate him for all those things. And Gilbert couldn't blame him. He hated himself for hurting her.

"But… but I came here to ask you a favour. Not for me, of course. A favour for… for Anne."

Certainly Gilbert knew, he was not in the position to ask anything of him. But if Mr. Cuthbert could see everything from wherever it was he was right now, then he must have the ability to see his feelings as well, right? So he _couldn't_ doubt that Gilbert was asking this in all his sincerity.

"I know that I lost my last chance. Nobody would ever get _four_ chances. Nobody ever _should_, I suppose… I know I have to accept it, since there's no one else to blame but me. And I know as well… that a girl like Anne won't stay alone forever. No matter what she may believe. You know how twisted she sees herself…" Gilbert let out a bitter chuckle.

"So please, if there is anything you can do about it, then… then please send her someone who deserves her."

For sure Matthew Cuthbert had this intention already himself, and didn't need some pathetic boy as him. But nevertheless, Gilbert needed to say this. If he couldn't have Anne for himself, and needed to learn living with that... then he wanted at least to be sure that she would be with someone who cherished her the way she deserved. The way _he_ would have cherished her.

"_Really_ deserves her", for some moments, Gilbert forgot that he was exposing himself completely, that _anybody_ could listen to his ramblings, "Someone, who _won't _get angry when she is so lost in one of her fancies that she puts too much salt in the meal. Someone, who tells her how beautiful she is, whenever she forgets. Someone, who loves all of her freckles instead of encouraging her absurd lemon-cure. Someone… someone who will be a true home to her, and take the fear off her shoulders to ever be alone again.

Well", embarrassed he wiped a single tear from his cheek, feeling as ridiculous and naked as one could feel. "This was all I wanted to ask you."

Slowly he stood up, looking one last time at the epitaph, then at the flowers sleeping beneath.

Gilbert felt as if somewhere underneath there, his dream laid buried too.

His dream of holding her close as no one else ever would.

His dream of calling her 'his' and even more so to hear her calling him 'hers'.

His dream of sharing his life with Anne.

_Farewell…_

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: Well you know, I was thinking I should seize the opportunity and give Diana a list with all the things we always wanted to tell Anne. Well… and then she was all like *knits brow* "What do you mean with 'fluffy'?" xD

Oh, and thank you for answering the question! xD Your prize will be $1,000,000.00 - paid in naughty Butterfly Pinches! ;D

Amybf19: She is, isn't she? I have to admit as much as I loved Phil, I missed Diana all the time…

SailorLeia: *squeal* Toki-onii and Manly too!? *faints* Well, I mean, I suppose the BSB _needed _blond supplies after two dashing hazel and black-blue boys joined them! ;D But how are we going to survive SO MUCH cuteness? Oh well! Then I'm gonna dirty up the 5 BSB in person! ^^ You know, it is so hard sometimes to keep those characters together! I'm really afraid they could crumble into pieces under my fingers! I know you know what I'm talking of, even though I would never notice any of this struggle in your stories. But I just wanted to say that all the more mean your words to me. Thank you, Senshi sister. _Soooo_, and since they are all dirty now, how about you take over and make some snow-angels with them? That should make them clean enough! ;) Senshi hugs and Christmas stars coming your way!


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

* * *

_**For all eternity,**_

_**I forgive you and you forgive me.**_

_William Blake_

* * *

Four days had passed since she had last seen Gilbert. And every day she missed him more. There was no need in denying it. This silence between them was ripping her apart.

This silence, which gave all the between them spoken words the chance to echo even louder and crueller inside her mind. It tore at her heart.

And every day it got harder to keep her feet from running to the Blythe homestead and apologize for everything she had done. She wanted to make it alright. She wanted to wash away all those stains they had spilled on this once so white and comforting blanket.

She wanted their friendship back.

But Diana was right. She could go to him and apologize, but what then? How should she behave around him, if she didn't want him to feel what he used to feel for her?

Was their friendship a never-ending circle, and they would _always _end where they began? In fighting and tormenting silence?

She didn't want to believe that. How could something as bright as their friendship be determined for such a dark fate? Wasn't there _anything_ she could do about it?

Anne _did_ try to imagine what Diana had told her to. She really did. She just never succeeded. She tried to envision the most beautiful and perfect girl by his side. The one she would wish for him. But no such girl existed in her mind. Instead she saw them laughing together, or biting their tongues to keep from laughing when other people were giving them nasty glances.

Of course she would be happy for him, if he would find this perfect girl. Why shouldn't she be? She would only be afraid of losing their friendship. That's all. Gilbert wouldn't be able to spend time with her anymore. He would be a… a husband and… a father… and…

Anne cringed and squeezed her eyes.

This was just so ridiculous to imagine! Her chum Gil as husband and father!

_First_ he needed to find the right girl. Someone who would get his humour and laugh at his jokes. And someone with the ability to make him laugh too. And of course someone who would like to be teased by him…

_Gilbert teasing someone else? Someone who wasn't her?_

But, but his teasing was this special gift only wrapped for her. Only with _her_ name on it.

Anne tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Suddenly she realized that _teasing_ was even the smallest of problems she'd get. Gilbert would do _completely_ different things with this girl…

"Anne!" Marilla's demanding voice ripped her abruptly out of her thoughts, "I wanted you to _stir _the jelly, not to stare a _hole_ into it!"

"Uh", flustered she grabbed the wooden spoon again, "I'm sorry, Marilla…"

Marilla watched the girl with concern. She had been unusual quiet those past days. It really started worrying her, to see the otherwise so vivid Anne in such a gloomy and dull state.

The elder woman rolled up her sleeves, before taking one plum after another out of the bowl sitting between them, and cutting them in two halves, removing the stone.

After some minutes of silence, Anne hesitantly lifted her head, her cheeks already rosy-tinted before she had even spoken. "Marilla…"

Surprised she faced Anne, relieved she finally opened her mouth _before_ being asked a question. She would have never thought that a quiet Anne would be much more tormenting than one with all her flood of words, "Yes?"

"Have you… Did you… Have you ever been in love?" She rushed to say and dropped her gaze again.

Bewildered she stared at the girl. She would have expected many things, but certainly not a question of _this_ kind. Wouldn't Diana or some of her other girlfriends be the right one to speak about such subjects?

"Why that sudden question?" She asked instead of answering, and occupied her fingers with the purple fruits again.

Anne shrugged, "Only… No reason… I suppose, all that talk about weddings the last weeks…"

Marilla watched her out of the corner of her eyes, having the suspicion that it had _much_ more to do with some certain young man who didn't come by the last days, than with Diana's wedding. But of course she would never dare to say such a thing.

"I see."

Anne waited for her to continue, but nothing but the small clunk of the stones hitting the kitchen table was to hear. "And… _have you_?"

Marilla took a deep breath. Talking about matters of the heart had never been her thing, so to speak. But she could see that it had taken her girl some courage to ask, and that something was seriously troubling her. So she wanted to help in whichever way she could.

"Thinking back now… I think that I have been."

"_Thinking back?_" Anne knit her brow, removing the spoon from the cooking mixture. "You mean, you didn't know then?"

Marilla only shook her head as reply.

"But, but, but I always imagined being in love as something so big that it fills every fiber of your being! And there isn't any place for anything else left!"

Marilla chuckled at that sudden outburst. It was good to see a little bit of the old Anne back.

"Oh child. The human being sees what it wants to see."

"What?" Anne was even more confused. She had read about so many aspects of love in all her books, but never had she read something like that. "How do you mean that, Marilla?"

"I mean," She placed the plum down and met Anne's green eyes, "If you really set your mind on not hearing what your heart wants to tell you, then you will succeed."

Anne gulped, feeling uncomfortable heat rising. Why did she feel so guilty and addressed at those words? Marilla wasn't talking about _her_!

"But… but why would someone do that?"

"Many reasons", she shrugged, "If you wouldn't be allowed to be together, maybe. If you would be afraid, or if-"

"Were _you_ afraid, Marilla?" Anne whispered, realizing she was hitting a very sensitive spot.

"Maybe… No. No, it was not fear. It was… confusion, perhaps."

"_Confusion?_"

"Oh child! You with all your questions! Sometimes I have the feeling you are trying to ask holes into my stomach."

"I'm sorry, Marilla…" Anne dropped her gaze ashamed.

"Child", her voice softened and she placed a hand on Anne's shoulder. She hadn't intended to snap like that, it was only that those memories had a stronger effect on her than she had thought, "Why don't you let me finish it now alone. It's almost done anyhow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am", Marilla smiled at her.

"Do you mind if I go to Matthew?" Anne had the urge to speak with someone.

"Haven't you already been there today? And it is already-"

"Yes, but Misses Sloane and Mister Gillis had been there, Marilla! I couldn't do anything. But now that the sun has set, I'm sure nobody will be around anymore."

The woman pondered for some seconds, but seeing Anne's pleading eyes didn't really let her any choice, "Oh alright. But don't be out too long! Don't wait for the night to swallow you, Anne. And take care!"

"I will, I promise, Marilla", she smiled and kissed her on the cheek before rushing off.

It only took her minutes to reach the cemetery. Anne _could _be fast if she set her mind on not to lose herself in too many daydreams. And she knew how worried Marilla would be, if she shouldn't return before it got seriously dark.

But then she stopped dead as she heard some sounds coming from a distance, which she couldn't really place.

Her heart hammered in her chest. Who would be at a place like that at such a late hour? And what if it was a ghost like those she had always spoken with Diana of!

Anne shook her head. _Seriously_, she was twenty not twelve! She should know better than to scare herself like that. Probably it was only some animal. Or the minister who was getting on his way back home. Or even Moody, who sometimes had to prepare things in the evening so everything would be set for the early mass.

She took a deep breath before hesitantly resuming her walk, anxiety still pounding inside her.

And then she grasped a word. Suddenly realizing this sound belonged to a voice. Anne took a step back, pondering what she should do know. It was no longer fear that kept her from going further, but decency. She knew that she always wished to be alone with Matthew when she spoke to him, so she should give this person this privilege as well. She could always return tomorrow in the early morning.

That's when she perceived her name. Yes, her name it was.

It was rather funny, actually, that no matter how little one understood or heard, once your own name fell, something inside tingled. As if you would be attached to your own name, and as soon as it left someone's lips, you were pulled towards it.

That was just what happened to Anne. Without realizing it, she stumbled towards that source, towards her name. Now she needed to see who was there, hidden between all those tombstones and trees. Now her curiousness was not to suppress.

The mild summer breeze waved a faint low chuckle to her ears and Anne inhaled sharply, her heart stopping its beat for one second.

_Gilbert._

Under thousand voices she would recognize his.

Careful not to step on any stone or branch that could give her presence away, she lifted her skirt a bit and took another few steps. To whoever could he be–

Then her eyes spotted him. Kneeling in front of Matthew's grave.

_Matthew's._

Anne covered her mouth with her hand to keep any startled sound from escaping. Seeing him after all those days was enough to cause the blood inside her veins to boil.

But to find him _here_. With _Matthew_. She had the feeling her heart would going to burst her chest.

"...So please, if there is anything you can do about it, then… then please send her someone who deserves her."

Anne stopped breathing. Was Gilbert indeed talking about _her_?

"Someone, who won't get angry when she is so lost in one of her fancies that she puts too much salt in the meal. Someone, who tells her how beautiful she is, whenever she forgets."

She felt her cheeks burning, her heart hammering, her thoughts racing. She had to keep her feet from running towards him and, and-

Anne's eyes widened in shock.

"Someone, who loves all of her freckles instead of encouraging her absurd lemon-cure. Someone… someone who will be a true home to her, and take the fear off her shoulders to ever be alone again."

His voice trailed off inside her mind. The truth in her screaming far too loud to hear anything else.

It was as if a butterfly suddenly disentangled himself out of his cocoon. Pumping blood inside his wings to finally be free and fly away.

It was as if a bud would burst open. Relieving a radiant colour one would have never expected to be hidden inside.

It was as if rays of the sun were suddenly enlightening a place that had been dark and hidden and unknown for an eternity.

After all those years, her soul allowed her mind to see what her heart had known all along.

_She was in love with Gilbert Blythe._

In love… with Gil…

In love with Gil!

She had to press her lips together to not scream it out loud, this epiphany suddenly yearning to finally get the space and attention she had denied for such a long time.

Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt as Gilbert shifted his weight and then stood up, looking one last time at the stone before turning around and leaving.

Anne hid herself as fast as she could behind the nearest tree, her back pressed against the trunk, her heart hammering so loud that she was sure he _had_ to hear it as he walked by.

Hesitantly her eyes dared to move and follow him on his way. His back, his broad shoulders, his neck where his brown hair curled this special way - even his perfect curved spine! - suddenly having effects on her, she would have never thought something could have. As if she would see him for the very first time.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the tree, when Gilbert had vanished from her visual field. Anne took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

Now that she _knew_ it, there was nothing she could do about it anymore. There was no turning back.

Now that her stubborn mind had finally listened to her heart…

_How stubborn and stupid can one be!_

With a frustrated groan she hit the back of her head against the trunk, realizing that this wasn't a very wise idea.

"Ow", Anne grumbled, rubbing her head.

If there was a prize for the most stubborn and stupid person in the world, she _had _to win it! Nobody could outrace her in _that_!

Suddenly she saw everything she had refused to see for _so long_!

How her heart had raced as Gilbert reached out his hand to help her from the pile into his dory.

How her face had burned every time he watched her.

How jealous she had been of every girl he had ever talked to, or touched, or even just looked at!

How afraid she had been to lose him, that she rather pushed him away herself.

How her heart broke as she refused him.

How she wanted to kiss him on Diana's wedding day.

How she wanted to kiss him on his boat.

How she wanted to kiss him _now_!

But most of all - How Matthew had tried to tell her _all along_!

He had been the one who wanted her to stay at Green Gables. She would have never met Gil otherwise!

He had been the reason why she had to delay her studies, exactly then when Gil had too!

He had been the one who caused Gilbert to give up school for her, and forced her to finally overcome her pride and forgive him!

And now he had been the one who finally opened her eyes!

Matthew wanted to make sure that she would get the most caring man in the world, and she had been too blind and too ungrateful to see it…

Instead she had destroyed it all herself! In masterful execution even!

How many times could one push away the one you are in love with?

_No_. Anne swallowed hard. There was no time for reproaches. She could do that later. But right now she had to overcome her weaker self for once, and do something, before she would lose him forever.

Determined, she left her hiding place and stepped onto the path again, before lifting her skirt and running towards Green Gables as fast as her feet would carry her.

* * *

**AN:** allina: Thank you! :)

RHrGreatness: Alright, HOW do you do this with your fingers?! Stop it! In the end you want me to bring them together or something like that! Not gonna happen! ;D

One Million Butterfly Pinches? O_O You know HOW long I would have to live for that? And do you know how funny you would have to be for THAT? xD I was more thinking like Butterfly Pinches WORTH one million, but maybe that would take me even longer! xD I change my mind! I'll give it to you in Dollars instead ;)

Amybf19: I'm glad you liked this moment :)


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

* * *

_**The sunlight claps the earth,**_

_**And the moonbeams kiss the sea:**_

_**What are all these kissings worth,**_

_**If thou kiss not me?**_

_Percy Bysshe Shelley_

* * *

Spiritless he picked at the porridge sitting in front of him, not really having the feeling he could swallow anything.

Gilbert lifted his free arm to rest his elbow on the table, his face cradled in his palm.

_What another dull day._

He had hoped speaking to Matthew would somehow ease his pain, and take some of the dark feelings away from him. Instead all it _did_ take was the last hope that had still burned somewhere in the depths of his soul.

Fortunately his father was so engrossed in his newspaper that he didn't notice his son's moping.

Without moving his head, Gilbert looked at him when a low chuckle escaped John Blythe's mouth, and saw him shaking his head.

"Did you come up with this nonsense?" He asked his son without tearing his gaze off the paper.

"Huh? What nonsense?" Gilbert replied indifferently.

"Didn't you use to write for the Newspaper too?"

"So? You know I haven't written anything since I came home."

He shook his head again, "I just don't understand you young people. This could have come from your pen as well. I wouldn't understand it either way."

"Uh-huh", Gilbert rolled his eyes before returning his attention to the greyish pulp before him.

"'_Summer's forecast; July will bring much more raspberries than ever before, due to all the spotless ladybugs flying around.'_ What's that supposed to mean?"

"WHAT?" Gilbert dropped the spoon into the bowl, and ripped the newspaper rather rudely out of his father's hands.

"Gilbert! I was reading this!"

He skimmed the page a second and third time before throwing the newspaper onto the table, oblivious to his father's startled face. Gilbert sprang to his feet, dashing through kitchen and hall until he reached their door.

"Gilbert! Didn't you said you would-" John Blythe was cut off by the bang of the door.

Without taking a break, Gilbert ran as fast as his feet would carry him, only outraced by the pace of his thoughts.

_He had to see her immediately._

There was no way he misunderstood _that_. There was no way this line _wasn't_ meant for him. Who else would link ladybugs to raspberries? Nobody! This was _their_ secret! And only _they_ knew about it. Anne wanted to tell him something. He just didn't know what. Maybe that she would hear him out now, and give him the chance to apologize. Maybe even that she was ready to forgive him!

He was only a few hundred yards away from their spot on the big meadow, as he realized that maybe he should have simply gone to Green Gables first. Gilbert hadn't lost one thought about where he was heading, his feet had simply carried him. Or was it his heart?

But now that he was so close, he had to finish his journey anyhow. He could always turn around and make his way to Green Gables, if she wouldn't be here.

_But she was._

Gilbert slowed down as he perceived the first flicker of her crème-white blouse against the apple tree. Now that his feet stopped their racing, he was suddenly all the more aware of his heart - pounding so fast and hard against his ribcage that he feared it might free itself any moment.

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and keep his thoughts together. _This was his chance. _The last one he would ever get. He had to make things alright between them again.

Anne's lips curled and she looked down at her fingers playing with a grass stalk, as her ears perceived the faint sound shoes caused stepping on grass. _So he had read._ And he had found her.

Her heart made a jump and she closed her eyes for one moment, trying to control her anxiety.

She could feel his warm presence even before he uttered the first word.

"Anne", he spoke in a soft voice, not sure of how to behave around her after their fight, and after what he'd just read.

But the way he said it, it sounded like 'Hello', like 'Please, forgive me' and like 'I missed you' to her ears, causing her body to tingle in anticipation.

Anne did her best to sound as calm as possible, while her heart wanted to jump out of her chest and finally find his. "Did Marilla tell you where I am?"

"I- I wasn't at Green Gables…" Hesitantly he took another step towards her, and then sat cautiously down beside her, looking for any sign of her objection. But Anne only kept staring at the grass between her fingers.

_So he had simply known where to find her?_ Anne tried to control her hope and not burst with love.

For some moments they simply sat there in silence, both waiting for the other to say something. Gilbert thought she wanted to get something off her soul. Otherwise she wouldn't have written these lines, would she?

But Anne didn't dare to say anything. This was the first time she was so close to him, since realization had hit her after nine years. And suddenly her arm burned where it brushed his, and she felt so self-aware of everything she said and did, even every breath she took. And one part of her wanted him to leave and end her agony, whereas the other half wanted him to come _so much_ closer.

"I… I read the newspaper…" He finally whispered, looking at her.

"I thought so", Anne replied and hated herself for sounding so reserved.

"Anne", without warning he reached out and touched one of her fiddling hands. Her heart stopped beating for one moment, and she slowly lifted her head, meeting his eyes for the first time today. "I'm sorry. For everything I did … and said. It was not right of me to-"

"No", she interrupted him, shaking her head. Hadn't he realized that _she_ was the one who made all the mistakes? "You don't need to apologize. It was all my fault. I started it."

"But I'm not angry, Anne. There's nothing to forgive."

"So… are we good then?" She tried to tear her gaze off his face, but his mesmerizing eyes made it hard for her to leave.

Gilbert smiled this warm smile of his, thousand stones falling off his chest, "Yes", he squeezed her hand lightly before letting go, and Anne couldn't help but feeling suddenly so empty without this warm contact.

_So, was that how it would all turn out?_ She wanted to be relieved that she could finally apologize. She wanted to be happy that they were finally friends again. But nothing inside her _was _relieved or happy. She had imagined this all differently.

When realization had hit her two days ago, she knew she had to somehow let him know. She had to let him know that she loved him too, and that she wanted to be with him.

She hadn't thought of this line as a simple apology as she would apologize to Diana or Marilla. She had thought of it as the beginning of something big, of something world-shaking. She had only searched for a way to see him again, to let him know that she missed him. And once they would meet, she would have been supposed to reveal him her heart.

But after the first waves of epiphany had rushed over her – filling her with enthusiasm and hope - doubts had started creeping up on her again.

She still didn't know if Gilbert really loved her at all. She had said so herself. And even if he _had_ loved her truly, how could he still after she rejected and treated him so badly? There was no way he could still desire to make her his wife.

And what if _she_ wasn't truly in love with him? What if she misunderstood this affection for love? How did one even know this at all?

And what if they _were_ both in love with each other? That wasn't the guarantee it would be a wise idea to change their relationship! What if they would fail, and then they would go separate ways _for good_? How should she live with losing Gilbert forever?

Anne suddenly realized how long none of them had spoken a word, and wondered if Gil was just being as tormented as she was.

Hesitantly she turned her face towards him, expecting to see him deep in thoughts and concern, but he didn't look like any of those things. Instead he seemed like the most carefree man in the world, as he stared at some invisible spot before him, _smiling _to himself!

Anne couldn't believe her eyes! Why was he smiling when she was going through this hell?

"What are you smiling at?" She asked irritated.

Startled he looked at her, his smile only widening, "Am I?"

Oh, she wished she could wipe that handsome smile off his face! The nerves of this boy!

She didn't even need to give him an answer. "Well," he moved his shoulders up and down, his arms lying casually on his knees, "I was just… I understand now."

"_You… understand now_." She repeated more to herself than him, trying to grasp the meaning of this. "What is it, that you understand?"

Gilbert flashed her a lopsided grin, "You."

"Me?" She almost shrieked and cleared her throat immediately, trying to appear as serene as possible. How did he mean that? Could he read her thoughts? Had she somehow given away that she was in love with him? Anne had no idea how one gave that away. She had never been in love before!

Gilbert simply nodded, his smile tearing at her patience.

"How… do you mean that?" She eyed him suspiciously, her heart hammering wildly.

"Well…" Gilbert tore his gaze off her and looked ahead once again, "I understand now, that you are simply afraid of losing people. That's why you rather push them away yourself."

Anne's jaw dropped. She had expected _many_ things, but this was none of them.

"So… I will simply stay."

"Excuse me?" Again her voice sounded shriller than she had intended to, and she hated this boy for having such influence on her heart, and her body, and even her voice.

Gilbert met her eyes, his hazel ones capturing her grey-green orbs, waiting some moments before he spoke. Anne swallowed hard at his intense gaze, the attempt to look away pointless.

"I will simply stay. As whatever you need me", he finally stated in a firm voice. "If you need someone to challenge you, I will. If you need someone to talk to, I will be your friend. If you…" His eyes flickered, his voice losing its calmness, "I will simply stay. As whatever you need me."

Anne needed some moments to process his words. _What did he mean by that?_ He had wished to marry her once, and now he was her wishing-well, or what? She didn't want him to be just 'whatever'! She wanted him to be _hers_!

And she had ruined it all!

"So, so you mean, you will be my friend?" She asked as unaffected as she could manage. He shouldn't hear her disappointment and pain.

How good that she _hadn't _revealed him her feelings! How embarrassing that would have been!

"I already told you, Anne," his voice was lower now, husky even, "Whatever you want me to."

Anne groaned and sprang to her feet, startling him. "What- what statement is that? Can't you just speak in a normal and clear way to me?"

Slowly he stood up as well, his height intimidating Anne. She gulped and unconsciously made one step backwards.

"But I thought I _made_ myself clear."

"No, you did not! Why can't you just say that you want to be nothing but friends with me!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, determined to not let him know of how broken her heart and hope were right now.

"You want me to lie, Anne?" He asked in this deep voice which made her even angrier, because it always managed to get under her skin and trail it with goosebumps.

"No. I want it simply to be the truth." She sounded like a defiant little child by now, she knew. And she hated herself for that. Gilbert even more.

He let out a small chuckle at her stubborn reaction, used to her fighting off every emotion. "You know I don't have this kind of control, Anne."

Why did _his_ voice have to sound so tender and understanding, when she was acting like some Xanthippe?

"Of course you have."

"Anne…" Gilbert knit his brow, her behaviour was slowly confusing him. First she wanted to apologize and make up to him, and now she wanted to push him away with such a force?

It's not as if she wouldn't have known before that he had feelings for her. "Why is this bothering you so much?"

"It is NOT bothering me!"

He felt a brief flicker of hope inside his soul. _This couldn't be._ He must… But… Gilbert made one step towards her.

"I already promised to be your friend. So why is this upsetting you so much? You already knew I…" He didn't even dare to speak this aloud. But he had to know it now. "Your feelings haven't changed… Have they?"

Anne let out something between a groan and a whimper, "No."

It wasn't exactly a lie, was it? Since she _had_ always loved him and only needed one decade to figure it out herself.

But this just wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He shouldn't just want her in _whichever _way. He should want her in only one. So maybe he never really wanted her _at all_!

Gilbert studied her flushed face, his heart increasing its beat with every second. Her 'No' had sounded more like a question than a statement. Something _had _changed.

And it made her look even more irresistible than ever before.

He closed the distance between them. Anne forced herself to not meet his eyes and stared at his chest instead. But then she only kept thinking about the heart beating inside, which was even worse than his hazel eyes.

"So…" he whispered, looking down at her, feeling how he slowly lost control over what he was doing.

"Since you are not in love with me…" he licked his lips, "… you wouldn't feel anything if I would kiss you, right?"

Her head shot up, fear, uncertainty, but even hope sparkling in her green eyes. "But-" she made another step back, squirming under his steady gaze. "But you wouldn't do that." This time, there was no doubt it was a question, no objection.

"Oh", Gilbert couldn't help it as a small smile curled his lips, hope slowly flowing through his veins, "Wouldn't I."

He closed the distance between them once more, and Anne reached her hands out to his shirt, her first intention to keep him away from her, but all she ended up doing was keeping him in place.

She couldn't tell if it was anxiety or anticipation that was rushing through her body in such a force, that she had the feeling she would faint any moment. Her heart pounding in such a fierce and loud way, that she was afraid it would reveal her right in front of him.

He looked at her, slowly leaning in, so close already that she could feel his breath tickling her skin. Before she could decide if she should run away, or scream, or simply keep him from doing whatever it was he wanted to do in any other way, he brought her racing thoughts to an abrupt halt.

Gilbert pressed his soft warm lips to the corner of her mouth, her fists clenching the fabric of his shirt, her mind nothing but a blur of wishes and feelings swimming around.

She almost let out a whimper as he parted from her.

"_And…_?" he whispered, still so close that his breath was kissing her mouth.

Her eyes closed, Anne shook her head, as if she would really believe she could still convince him of her non-existent feelings.

Soon his lips brushed the other corner, sending shivers up and down her spine. His mouth so tantalizing feathery that it maddened her.

She had never felt something like this ever before. It was as if someone would erase all your thoughts and all your feelings, until nothing remained but his ardent firmness on her mouth, spreading a magic warmth through her body until it reached every secret corner inside.

Gilbert watched her for some moments after breaking the kiss, trying to regain control over his thoughts again. Tenderly he brushed his thumb across her cheek.

"Anne", he whispered as soft as one would whisper to wake someone, and slowly her eyelashes fluttered open, her grey-green orbs staring confused into his.

He lifted his arms and embraced her small fists, still resting upon his chest, with his hands.

"Say you don't love me, Anne", he whispered, the thumb caressing her skin driving her crazy. But even more haunting was this inexpressible yearning to feel his mouth against hers again.

"I… I…" She was completely lost. And confused. And afraid. If she would fall now, she knew she would never find her way out again.

Gilbert read her heart in her eyes, saw her fear. Gently he untangled her fingers from his shirt, and moved her hands down - there where his heart was racing underneath - pressing her palms flat against his chest, his on top of hers.

Astonished she looked at their entwined fingers, felt the fierce gallop of his heart beneath, and the untameable butterflies wheeling inside of her.

"Anne," He managed in his firmest voice, and yet she could hear all his emotions shining through, "It's beating for you ever since the day you broke your slate over my head. It never did for anybody else. And I know it never _will_ for anybody but you."

He encircled her fingers, his warmth and gentleness melting her heart. How should she resist him this way?

"Gil, I…" She gulped, it was so hard to object when she only wanted to be close to him. But there was always this voice of fear inside her, keeping her from letting him near, "It doesn't matter what I feel…"

"_It doesn't matter what you feel?_ How can you say such a thing, Anne?" He looked taken aback at her.

"Because, because…" she dropped her gaze, she couldn't bear his hands _and_ eyes. "We would fight…"

"So, sometimes we will. Just as we do as friends too, Anne. Isn't it _good_ to have someone who challenges us? Would you end our friendship just because we don't always share the same opinion?"

"No!" She lifted her head, "Of course not!" Anne felt her cheeks turning crimson, "But, but, if you have these feelings since so long, Gil. How do you know they won't cease once…"

"Anne!" Slowly he began to understand how her mind was working. Realizing that it wasn't lacking _love_ which kept her from accepting him, but all her doubts and fears of loss, "You are not some trophy I wanted to win."

"Oh…" Should this be a compliment?

"You are a treasure I want to keep. And cherish."

She felt her heart fluttering fiercely at his words. He was making it harder and harder for her to keep her walls upright.

Gilbert removed his hands from hers, gently cupping her face in them, caressing her skin with his thumbs.

"If you don't love me, Anne, I will never approach this again. I promise. You just have to tell me you don't love me."

"I… I…" She swallowed hard, searching for an escape. He was arousing so many feelings in her, that it scared her to death.

"What… what if we _would_ try, and fail, and then we could never be friends again?" she blurted out.

Gilbert smiled, "First off, we _won't_ fail", he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. Anne felt her body responding to it, noticed how her face lifted on its own accord up to his, trying to intensify their touch.

"Secondly", he breathed against her lips, "I couldn't live without you."

He wanted to kiss her again, but this time Anne was stronger than her desire, and she shoved him away with her hands, "And what, what if you only _think _you are in love with me, and once you really get to know me, you realize you are not?"

Gilbert chuckled, closing the gap between them again and taking her hands in his, "Now this is one of the silliest things I've ever heard, Anne." He removed one hand to brush a strand of hair off her cheek, lingering on her skin. "Know you better than I already do?" His hazel eyes stared right into her soul. "I am in love with every Anne you carry inside of you."

He gently kissed her forehead, his hands encircling hers once more.

"I am in love with that Anne, who broke a slate over my head, and refused to speak to me for years."

His lips travelled down to her temple.

"I am in love with that Anne, who challenged me like no one else ever did, and no one else ever _could_."

Gilbert kissed her cheek.

"I am in love with that Anne, who became my best friend. Who makes me laugh like nobody else can, who understands the things even before I utter them, and who knows me better than anybody ever will."

He kissed the tip of her nose.

"I am in love with that Anne, who is the most beautiful, enchanting, caring, intelligent, fanciful, unique girl in this world."

He withdrew mere inches to look at her. Her closed eyes, blushed cheeks and rosy lips a sight he just couldn't withstand any longer.

Gilbert slowly leaned in, claiming her lips with his, more firmly and demanding than before. A surprised moan left her mouth against his, encouraging him enough to let go of her hands and encircle her waist instead, drawing her closer into him.

Her hands, suddenly abandoned and restless, travelled up to his arms in search for something to hold on to. What maybe was foolish, because Anne had the feeling he would wash her away completely.

Gilbert tilted his head so he had even better access to her lips, engulfing them completely, his warm mouth making her feel things she hadn't even known existed. With every touch between them, every spark meeting her, she felt how her legs lost all their steadiness and she her trust in them. Finally she granted her hands to continue their journey up his arms, until they found their way around his neck and soft curly hair, encircling him to keep her knees from giving way.

While he teased and explored her soft lips, Anne clung onto him, afraid of what would happen once he would break their touch. She didn't want him to leave. As long as his lips sealed hers, there was nothing she would have to think of. Only feel.

One more time he covered her mouth with his, before withdrawing gingerly, his soft eyes looking tensely at her.

"Gil", she breathed, her eyes too shy to meet his hazel ones. How could she ever look at him again, after what he had just made her feel?

"Huh?" One hand travelled from her back to her face, caressing her smooth faint skin right beside her lips, finding it incredible hard to not kiss her for some moments.

"This… is scaring me a little…" she admitted quietly.

Gilbert watched her, feeling nothing but love and pride for her to finally admit her fears. If she was feeling only half of the things he felt ever since he fell in love with her, he knew how overwhelming and terrifying it was. Scaring how much power one person had over you.

"Anne…" he whispered, placing his fingers under her chin so she was forced to meet his eyes. "We don't have to rush anything", he smiled, "We can still be friends. I want you to feel comfortable around me."

"Gil", she interrupted him with a bashful smile, her love for him filling every fiber of her body, causing it to tingle with pure bliss. "If we would be friends… would you stop… kissing me?"

Gilbert knit his brow, confused about where her thoughts had led, "I-"

"Because… I don't think I would feel comfortable with that", she finished and blushed.

A grin appeared on Gil's face, "Anne, I know I said it before, but I-"

"Please", she brought her fingers up to his lips, silencing him, "This time, let me say it first", she whispered sheepishly. It might be that she was afraid of this, but fear had kept her from happiness _too_ long.

"Gilbert Blythe, I realized how utterly blind and stupid I've been the last years, to fight something as strong as you cause to my heart. I… I love you."

She fought to keep her eyes on his, instead of cowardly dropping her gaze, "I am so in love with you, that it scares me like nothing else ever scared me, and I came to see that I have always been in love with you, and nevertheless I treated you so poorly like nobody – but least of all _you_ - would ever deserve, and I have no idea how-"

This time it was him who silenced her, but Gilbert preferred his lips to hands.

One decade he had waited for this moment, and still he couldn't really believe it, her warm sweet lips against his the only evidence he had. Really, the only evidence he _needed._

She could feel his smile against her mouth, warmth rushing restlessly through her body, until it settled down in her stomach.

Anne raised herself on tiptoes, her fingers moving from his neck to his cheeks, having the desire to bring him even closer to her than he already was. Or simply keeping him from ever leaving again.

A smile curled her lips as well, as she realized the significance of this moment.

_She had just found him._

_**Him.**_

She astonished Gilbert as she removed her lips from his for one moment, pressing them tenderly to his cheek, before she returned to his mouth again, two smiles meeting.

* * *

**AN:** No, this is not the final chapter, _yet_. I just thought I should mention that, because it's always rather awkward, when you're listening to a concert and the music trails off, people starting to clap their hands and then suddenly they play/sing again and everyone is thinking, "Uh… how embarrassing…" ^^ So, I will let you know once it _is_ the End ;D

RHrGreatness: LoL! I can see you're already working on that increase-my-age-thing because imagining you in slo mo running through that field, then stopping abruptly to turn around and get something to eat… xD (It reminds me of Wolf ^^)

Seriously, saying _this_ about her realization is the best gift you could have given me. I mean, I love the book version, it's the original. But still, as you say, somehow it implies that she wouldn't realize her feelings until it's TOO late. And that's… sad…

_So_… *totally nervous* *biting nails* are you clapping and grinning a goofy (uh, daffy) grin just as Gil is while encoring Anne? *pleasepleaseplease*

SailorLeia: Of course, I'm just getting warmed up *rolls up sleeves* ;D Senshi sister, I can't express my thankfulness for all your encouraging-making-me-blush words and feedback. Just imagine me as a rolling ball of thankfulness. That's me right now! But how is one supposed to write on that story when you distract me with all your gifts so! Nick _and_ Toki! Hello?! ("Would you two mind kissing me on the cheek?" *blush*) And you know what? Since Gil made you so eager, I'm just going to tell Toki he has to lock two certain someones *coughoneofthemisyoucough* up in his closet and there they can do with their muddy hands _what _they want ;)

Amybf19: Happy to read that! :D

Hediru: It looks like you stumbled over it right on time ;) Thank you for your kind words!


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

* * *

_**Come grow old with me.**_

_**The best is yet to be.**_

_William Wordsworth_

* * *

With a smile on her lips she stood beside the big old apple tree, one shoulder leaning slightly against the sturdy trunk, her fingers playing with a fallen blossom, a few faint pink stripes adorning its plain whiteness.

She was early for their encounter, just as she always was, but usually Gilbert was too – their set time like a sweet joke between them.

Six days had passed since she had finally confessed her love to him. Never had a week seemed that short to her. Unjustly short. Every hour she thought of him turned into a minute, every hour she spent with him, turned into a second. Anne wished someone would keep the night from falling, the moon from rising, so she would never need to sleep and could simply stay with him twenty-four hours a day.

But then again, even twenty-four hours seemed so cruelly short. There was so much she had to catch up on, so much she still had to learn about him.

_This_ was the strange and yet oh so beautiful part of it all – even though she knew Gilbert since years, suddenly he was an entire new person to her. She saw him from a completely different side, got to know him all over again, couldn't look at him anymore without the desire to let her fingers follow where her eyes travelled.

And yet at the same time he couldn't be more familiar to her. It couldn't feel more natural to speak to him the way she did, to feel him the way she did, to give in and surrender her heart.

She learned to trust him, and knew he would take good care of it.

So far, only Diana and Marilla knew that everything had changed. Anne would have liked to share the news with Rachel Lynde as well – she knew the woman always wanted her to be with Gil – but she knew as well that once Rachel knew it, the whole town would too.

But they didn't want to be the gossip of the town, watched by everyone, and everyone forming their opinion about them. They wanted to seize the last two weeks of their summer break to spend them together as every newly enamoured couple should, and decided to drop the news not until they would leave for their last year at college.

Anne had been so deep in thoughts that she hadn't perceived his steps. Suddenly two warm hands were laid upon her eyes from behind, and almost simultaneously a grin spread across her face.

"Who am I?"

She giggled, "I do not know, dear stranger. You will have to give me a hint."

"Someone you adore."

"Someone I _adore_? Hm… Lord Tennyson perhaps?"

She heard him gasp, "I beg your pardon?"

"So you are not?" She lifted her hands to touch his, "You certainly can't be Gilbert Blythe - for he ought to know that I _love_ and not adore him."

"Is there a difference?"

"Why of course! There would be no need for two words, if they would have the same meaning. You _adore _someone from the distance, always with a certain demureness, sometimes maybe you wished you would _be_ this person. But when you _love _someone… you want to be _with_ him. And there is no distance – or shouldn't be – no aloofness, only… warmth."

Anne shuddered as he slowly removed his hands from her eyes and placed a kiss on her nape.

"It looks like I have to learn many things from you, Miss Shirley," he whispered.

She turned around in his hold so she could finally face him, encircling his neck, and captured his eyes, "You have many years to do so", she smiled and raised herself on tiptoes to kiss him.

It wasn't until they parted that she studied him really for the first time today, and a surprised expression appeared on her face.

"What?" He laughed, knowing exactly what she had just spotted.

"You're wearing your cap?" Her sparkling eyes returned to his.

Gilbert nodded with a mixture of solemnity and mischievousness, "I recounted you missed it – turned out it missed you too."

Anne chuckled, warmth rushing to her cheeks, "Now I know I can never trust you with anything ever again, Gilbert Blythe."

She knew it was pointless to deny her fondness for it anyway. It added such an … impish aura to him. "It is verified once again – you truly _are_ incorrigible."

"Maybe you can still improve me a little?" He pecked her nose.

Anne smiled lovingly at him. Strange how fast everything between them had changed. Or maybe not so fast at all, if one considered that their story had its beginning already a decade ago.

Maybe this relationship had always slumbered somewhere underneath, and it took all her walls of doubts, fear and blindness to break down, to finally be ready for him. The way she had always been meant for him.

"No, no. You're just perfect the way you are."

He grinned, tipping his cap with one hand, "Uh-huh?"

He leaned down, teasing her lips with feathery brushes, before capturing them completely, while his arms encircled her back, bringing her closer.

"You were on time?" she breathed when he withdrew, pointing out something, nobody else could understand.

Gilbert nodded, stealing another kiss, "I had to go back again and get Max. He hasn't had any run today."

Anne craned her neck to peer over his shoulder, only now spotting the brown horse tied to one of the sturdy trees, munching away in all his calmness the green lush grass.

"I'll take him to the fenced meadow on our way, and then we can go for a walk, alright?" Gilbert looked expectantly at her, noticing her pensive expression.

Anne bit her bottom lip while watching Max, before she returned her gaze back to Gilbert, looking unassertive at him.

"Gil… when was the last time you rode him?" She nodded to his horse.

Gilbert shrugged, dropping his gaze for a moment, "I haven't."

She studied his face. She could see that this subject was a sensitive spot to him. It was not like she would have expected a different answer, she had never seen him riding ever since his accident, it was just that only now she realized what effects and reasons it had.

"You should, Gil", Anne spoke with a soft voice, "I know you miss it. And I know he misses you too."

He dared to meet her green-grey eyes again, a hint of an amused smile on his lips, "And how would you know that?"

"He told me", she chuckled.

"Told you, huh? I'm starting to see what conversations you use to have with my horse."

"Well, I _have_ to find informations about you somewhere, don't I?"

Gilbert shook his head, taking a deep breath. Then he took her hands and removed them from his neck. It was too hard to be so close to her while speaking about something like this.

"I know I should", he finally spoke, then he let out a bitter chuckle, "I suppose it's rather fainthearted to be afraid of doing something, just because it-"

"Gilbert Blythe," Anne placed her hands on his cheeks so he was forced to meet her eyes, "There is nothing fainthearted about this. There is nothing fainthearted inside _you_ at all. I understand why you stopped doing it. In fact… I was rather glad that you did. Don't you think I am afraid for you too?

But now… that so many weeks had passed, I can simply feel that something's missing... Would you tell me to give up on writing just because I failed once?"

Gilbert looked at her in awe.

Everyday he woke up and couldn't help but carry this little doubt inside of him, that everything had just been a dream. Or that Anne would still change her mind, because he's not the ideal she had dreamed of for so long. But everyday she amazed him more in everything she said and did.

If the affections she had showed him in their years of friendship had already been heaven, then the love she gave him now was pure paradise.

"Alright", he finally whispered.

Anne gave him a radiant smile and reached up to kiss his cheek.

Gilbert looked chuckling at her. He was sure Anne's eagerness had the ability to bring even a tree to move.

"What?" He asked confused as she kept on looking expectantly at him. "You mean _now_?"

She nodded, "You don't think I will let you ride him alone, Gilbert Blythe! I have to make sure you're careful, after all." She encircled his hand, waiting for him to give in.

First she wanted him to ride and get rid of his fears, and as soon as he promised he would, _she_ was the one being afraid? Anne and all her contradictions...

_No_, Gilbert suddenly realized, _it was more her strong devotion..._

His smile froze suddenly as something hit him. Something bigger than his fear from falling again. And something truer than all he had ever known.

He hadn't intended it to be this way. He had promised himself to wait. But now all of this didn't matter, because he didn't have any choice anymore.

_His heart was at the wheel._

"Anne. Wait a second," he spoke as she tugged his arm, and something in his voice caused her to stop and look at him.

"W-what?"

"I…" He dropped his gaze for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to control his nervousness. "Anne, I need to ask you something."

With eyes wide open she looked taken by surprise at him, letting go of his hand without realizing it. "Yes?" She swallowed hard.

"Well…" Gilbert lifted his gaze again, finally having gathered enough courage to meet her eyes, but puzzled he had to see that Anne had closed them.

"A-Anne?" He asked in a baffled way.

"Yes?" she replied without opening her eyes.

"Why, why have you closed your eyes?"

"Because I'm afraid", she explained matter-of-factly.

"Uh…" Gilbert turned his head confused to every side, searching for any hint what she could be possibly talking about. Finding none, terror crept suddenly up at him. Was she afraid of _him_?

Of his question?

He felt nausea rising inside of him. Yes, he _had_ been afraid to ever ask her the same question a second time. Much more afraid than he had been the first time. And that even though they were actually together now.

His heart may be whole again, but still it had bruises everywhere it had fallen apart, and it would take some time to heal them all.

But never had he expected to get such a repulsed reaction. Anne had told him she loved him, after all.

And she had showed it too, in many ways.

How could that all be true if she never intended to become his wife someday? Was he still too plain and unromantic for _that_? Was he just a stopgap?

"A-afraid… of my question?" he managed to utter after some moments. The pure thought of it stinging everywhere.

Anne nodded.

That was all that it took? One second and his entire dream was shattered again? Sure, Gilbert had thought this was all _too_ good to be true, but still-

"I'm afraid you won't ask me what I wish you to ask me so desperately. And then I don't want you to see the disappointment in my eyes."

Anne gulped. That was _so_ typically of her. Of course she _always _had to be excruciatingly honest once it wasn't fitting at all. Just like when she _had_ to tell Rachel Lynde that she was rude and impolite and that she would hate her.

Her eyes still closed, wringing her hands nervously, she was completely unaware of the crooked grin which spread across Gilbert's face. Or this certain sparkle his hazel eyes suddenly caught.

"Gil?" she asked mortified, "Have you le-"

Gilbert brought his hands up around her neck, and his lips down to capture hers in a fierce kiss.

Anne let out a startled moan. She had already been in the depths of despair, thinking of how inappropriate and embarrassing her statement had been, and that Gilbert must think of her now as the last woman he would _ever_ desire to marry.

But his lips certainly spoke another language than her imagination.

Hesitantly she laid her hands upon his arms, somehow still waiting for some rejection to come. But all that came were vows of love – not uttered in words, but displayed in touches.

After some moments she let herself fall into his hold and respond to his kisses, her hands now wandering upwards and encircling his neck so she could reach up more easily, their bodies pressed together just like a kiss themselves.

Gilbert released her mouth to bestow her skin with butterfly kisses from her jaw to the earlobe.

"I am so in love with you, I'm afraid I need more than a lifetime to live it out", he whispered, tickling her skin in such a delicate way that it sent shivers up and down her spine.

"Wha…" Still a little anxious about where his question had just disappeared, Anne loosened her hold on him to meet his eyes.

Gilbert chuckled as he saw the confusion mirrored in her green orbs, withdrawing from her so her skin wouldn't tempt him the next minutes.

"Anne", he lifted his arms to remove her hands from his neck for the second time today, but this time he kept them in his, "I love you more than I could ever express in words. " He caressed her smooth skin with his thumbs, watching her tense expression.

"I… I wanted to wait to ask you this. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice, and press you to something. But… but I just can't keep my heart from speaking any longer.

There is only one true wish I carry with me, every day…", Gilbert took a deep breath, "and that is… to be with you - for always. To experience whatever may come along that path, together with you."

Tears were swimming in her eyes, and she felt how the first warm droplet crawled down her cheek. But for once she didn't feel the urge to wipe it away. It was only another witness of her love towards Gilbert.

"Anne Shirley – No, after all we've been through, this just doesn't sound right. Not now. Carrots-"

Anne let out a chuckle, but mingled with all her tears it sounded more like a sob. He absorbed it and smiled down at her.

"Would you… will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Gilbert hadn't even uttered the last word when Anne couldn't keep herself back any longer. She removed her hands out of his hold, and threw herself into his arms, hers wrapped tightly around him.

She sobbed against his warm neck, a few salty tears meeting his skin and shirt.

Anne had thought she knew by now what coming home meant, but feeling her heart finally bonding with his completely, she realized that she would feel nowhere home, where Gilbert wouldn't be.

He felt her nods against his shoulder, and Gilbert could hear how dozens of stones fell off his chest. Stones which maybe had been there since that day she had broken her slate over his head. Only they have become more and heavier with each year that had passed, and each part of him that had loved and yearned for her even stronger.

"Yes!" she finally exclaimed after bringing her voice only so much under control. Then she removed her head from his shoulder to meet his hazel eyes, sparkling with tears of joy as well. Anne placed her hands on his cheeks, smiling at him, her tears slowly decreasing.

"Gil, I'm so sorry", her voice sounded husky from all her sobbing, "I'm so sorry, I said-"

"Shh," he shook his head, brushing her lips just enough to keep her from blaming herself any longer.

"Everything turned out how it was meant to be, Anne."

She believed him, and decided from now on she should always believe him, because he had been right all along. Anne threw her arms around him once more, squeezing him as tightly as if she would be afraid he could suddenly disappear into air.

"What do you say?" Gilbert whispered after some moments. "Do you think Max should be the first one to know?"

"Well…" Anne withdrew a bit, so she could look at him, "I always promised Diana to be the first one... but we didn't involve animals", she grinned.

Gilbert laughed.

"But, did he even know we are together at all?"

"Tsk, Anne, you don't think I could have kept _that_ a secret from him!"

Now it was her turn to laugh and shake her head. Gilbert just somehow seemed to have jumped out of some book, a little too perfect for this world.

"Then let's go. After all, he _did_ bring us together in some sort of way."

"That _is_ true…" He looked flabbergasted at her when Gilbert realized that nothing of the things which happened, would have, if Max wouldn't have thrown him off his back.

"Yes, let's go", he smirked, and before Anne could realize what was happening, Gilbert had lifted her up in his arms, cradling her.

Dumbfounded she looked at him, feeling how heat was rushing through her body – reaching every finger, every toe – until it settled down in her stomach and cheeks. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Well", he gave her a mischievous grin, "Sweeping you off your feet, of course."

"Gilbert Blythe," a chuckle left her mouth despite all her self-awareness, "don't you realize you already did?"

Holding onto him with one arm, she reached her free hand out to take his cap, and placed it on top of her head.

The image of the fourteen year old boy with his grey cap, and the eleven year old girl with her braids flashed through his mind, and Gilbert realized that no other gesture - or words - could have screamed louder that she was his and he was hers.

With a smile on his lips he leaned down to seal the promise they've just made each other.

* * *

**AN:** RHrGreatness: Should you have a sugar-shock right now, no need to worry, I'll get _someone_ for mouth-to-mouth respiration! *superman pose* xD

Amybf19: I am so overjoyed! Thank you! :)

Snapdragon: And your review felt like a Christmas gift to me. You poured hot chocolate right into my soul!

Hediru: Almost! ;)

DrizzyJ: Thank you! :)


	22. Epilogue

Epilogue

* * *

_**If I had a flower for every time I thought of you**_

_**I could walk through my garden forever.**_

_Alfred Tennyson_

* * *

Anne stirred in her sleep, a distant sound reaching her subconscious mind.

She couldn't tell if it were only seconds, or hours later – the sleep covering her thoughts in a blur – as the faint clank resounded again. This time, her heavy eyelids fluttered slowly open.

Confused she brought herself in a sitting position, pondering if she had only imagined and dreamed it all.

She covered her mouth as she yawed, and decided to simply ease her mind. Removing the white covers from her body, she left her warm comfortable bed, small silent feet tiptoeing over the cold floor, until she reached her window.

Anne pushed the curtains aside with her hands, the moon immediately filling her dark room with a warm soft light. Curiously she peered out, looking to every side in search for a cat, or a branch, which could have caused her to wake up.

Her eyes found nothing.

Just as she decided she must have dreamed after all, and wanted to turn around, a small spot on their front porch caught her attention.

Anne stretched herself up so she could get a better view.

_It looked… It looked…_

She narrowed her eyes.

_Why, it looked almost like flowers!_

Before her mind had completed that thought, hope was rushing through her, causing her body to tingle with anticipation, and her heart to pound wildly.

Excited she bit her bottom lip while pondering what she should do. But her feet made the decision even before her head could.

Bare- and soft-footed she rushed downstairs through the house, careful not to wake anybody.

Gingerly Anne opened the door, sending a silent prayer of thanks upwards that Marilla had just oiled it a few days ago, and hurried outside.

Wearing nothing but her white nightgown, but far too eager to feel any coldness of the night, she knelt down beside the small bouquet, almost afraid to touch it.

Afraid it could be only her imagination, a mirage, a Fata Morgana, and as soon as her fingers would reach out, it would disappear into air.

Anne felt as if she would be captured in one of her daydreams. So surreal and magical this all seemed to her, that goosebumps appeared on her arms.

Slowly she reached her fingers out, brushing the blossoms.

Lilies of the Valley.

Jasmines.

Cornflowers.

Her eyes widened as realization sunk in.

_Lilies of the Valley, Jasmines, and Cornflowers!_

She had to press her lips together to not let out a cry of delight. Her heart made a jump as she encircled the bouquet gently, lifting it up to her face.

Carrying it just as cautiously as one would carry a treasure, Anne stood up and walked to the railing, somehow hoping to find him somewhere, or only a hint of him. But there was nothing. Nothing but white moonlight falling onto the street, and an owl hooting faintly somewhere in the distance.

She looked down at the flowers again, having the feeling she could almost sense his presence on them, almost feel his fingers, which must have hold them just moments ago, his warmth.

She lifted them up to her nose, breathing in the sweet scent.

It wasn't until then that her hands made contact with something else. Something, which was not a stalk, or a leaf, or a blossom, and she finally found a little note attached to the ribbon which held the flowers together.

With trembling hands she opened it, revealing Gilbert's handwriting. Midnightblue ink on white paper.

_I wish to believe in immortality, I wish to live with you forever._

Anne pressed it to her lips, a shiver running down her spine as she could almost hear his voice whisper these words in her ear.

* * *

**The End**

(…of my story, but the Beginning of theirs)

* * *

**AN:** I can't believe it. It's really over. I _will_ miss writing it *sigh*

I want to thank all of you, who read and reviewed, and followed Anne and Gil's story!

A special thanks to Miss RHrGreatnessstein, who kept encouraging and inspiring me (I got you Tom, because Spidey's mouth is always masked! "Breathe, girl! Breeeeeaaaaaaatheeeeeeeeeee!" ^^).

And thank you Mina-chan, for bearing with all my writer-blocks and crises, and always sticking with me.


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